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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23426374">I Don't Love You (Lie no. 1)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Robaroo72/pseuds/Robaroo72'>Robaroo72</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>A bit of humour, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I wrote this when I was sad but it grew on me so, M/M, Multi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 10:13:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>53,778</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23426374</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Robaroo72/pseuds/Robaroo72</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When an auror raid goes wrong, Harry finds himself forgetting the past 5 years. Now he’s on a journey of rediscovery, trying to regain his memories. But when the past 5 years involve a new house, new friends, a new boyfriend, and a lot of other very new things in his life, it starts to take its toll on him. </p><p>(Harry Potter characters belong to J.K Rowling)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Luna Lovegood/Ginny Weasley, Theodore Nott/Neville Longbottom/Gregory Goyle</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>53</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. I</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>What came back first was Harry’s consciousness. For a split second, he thought that maybe he was dead. What proved him wrong, however, was the tingling sensation throughout his body. Death didn’t feel like that the first time. On the other hand, time also felt just as odd then as it did now.</p><p>What came back next was the pain. Excruciating pain. He felt like there were ants trapped in the middles of his bones, his skin felt like each crevice contained a pool of molten lava, and the hair on his skin felt like wasp stings. </p><p>But the worst of it was his head. He felt pressure building up so quickly in his head he was surprised it hadn’t exploded yet. He could feel every heartbeat pound against his skull.</p><p>Finally, what came next was his hearing, or at least the voices. It was hushed but urgent whispers. His head was pounding too loud to focus on them, but at least he wasn’t alone. </p><p>Someone grabbed his hand, held it tightly, like a lifeline. He tried to grip it back, but nothing was responding. His eyes wouldn’t even open. The pain was taking over, he could feel it. Everything started to get a bit lighter.</p><p>Then he was out, again.</p><p> </p><p>*****</p><p>The next time he woke up, the pain was just a low thrum under his skin. He willed his eyes to open, and they did, but slowly. The bright walls of St Mungo’s greeted him with a smile. The ceiling was as dull and as disinterested as ever.</p><p>He tried to move his head to look down. It took a few attempts, but finally he moved. His eyes slowly moved onto the person clutching his right hand, holding it like it meant everything to him. Harry moved his hand slowly and carefully out from his grip, but alas, the man woke up.</p><p>In Harry’s blurry vision, he watched as the man’s head shot up. The slightly fuzzy light blond hair and slim figure seemed very familiar to him. Harry tried not to scream when he realised it was Draco Malfoy. Out of everyone to be by his bedside, he didn’t quite expect him.</p><p>Harry’s arm slowly patted the table next to him until he felt the frames of his glasses underneath. He carefully and slowly put them on his head. Everything cleared up. He looked at Malfoy again, watching him as he blinked himself awake.</p><p>Harry’s eyes searched Malfoy as he was waking up. His light blonde hair was ruffled on the side he slept on, poking all sorts of directions. His face was sunken in, and there dark eyebags. But what caught his attention was his clothes. </p><p>Draco Malfoy was wearing a Molly Weasley made Christmas sweater.</p><p>Malfoy’s head turned so fast, Harry thought it might end up on the floor. Before he could even laugh at the thought, he was engulfed in a tight embrace. Harry, mind racing and still very confused by all the information he was given, patted Malfoy’s back three times and pulled away. </p><p>“Harry, you’re okay. Thank, Merlin, you’re okay.” Malfoy smiled so brightly, and it took off years from his face. Then it turned icey and accusing. “Potter, you idiot. You scared the shit out of me! I’d have half a mind to slap you to oblivion.” </p><p>Harry’s eyebrows raised into his hairline. He opened his mouth to respond, but found his throat was incredibly dry. </p><p>Malfoy noticed, and conjured a glass and cast a simple augementi. He offered the glass to Harry, who took it gratefully. He nodded his thanks.</p><p>“I’ll go find your healer. Stay here, don’t move.” Malfoy walked to the door, giving a glare that felt the same, but very very different.</p><p>Harry sipped the water slowly, trying out his voice in between. The silence from his mouth turned into a whisper, and that turned into a croak, which turned into his voice with a considerably large amount of cracks. He wondered how long he was out for if his throat was that bad. </p><p><em> It was probably just for a few days, </em> he thought.</p><p>Malfoy came back, a healer right on his heels. “I just contacted Ron and Hermione too, they’ll be here soon.” </p><p>Malfoy sat down in the seat beside Harry’s bed as the healer ran diagnostics first. This part was his least favourite. The spells would constantly wash over Harry, making him feel like he was in a bubble that kept bursting, yet never went away. Worst of all, he couldn’t speak during the cast.</p><p>A few minutes into the diagnostics, Ron and Hermione came rushing in. Concern and worry on their faces. For the first time since he woke, Harry realised they all looked slightly different. Older. More mature. It was probably nothing, but Harry felt that discomfort in the bottom of his stomach.</p><p>There was already so much information thrown in his face that when Hermione ran and <em> hugged </em> Malfoy and Ron put a comforting hand on Malfoy’s shoulder, he couldn’t help but squeak. </p><p>The bubble of magic around him disappeared, but he kept staring at his friend and school rival in shock. He didn’t even hear the questions his healer asked as he just kept staring at the three in confusion.</p><p>“Harry Potter?” The healer's voice finally came through. </p><p>“Sorry,” His voice was hoarse. Clearing his throat, he tried again. “Sorry, I was distracted.” Slightly better. “What were you asking?” He turned to face the healer.</p><p>She must’ve been new because he has never seen her before in St Mungo’s. Merlin knows how many times he’s been here since the auror job. </p><p>Speaking of, he sneaks a glance to Ron in his auror robes. It was filled with tatters and patches, like it was repaired too often to hold with magic anymore. Which was weird because they only bought the new auror robes a year ago.</p><p>“How are you feeling?” The healer asked. </p><p>“I’m alright, I guess. At least, much better than before. Thank you…” He trailed off, raising the final note in a question for her name.</p><p>The healer’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Tina. I’m healer Tina.” She scribbled some notes onto her papers as Harry tried not to look at Hermione who gasped softly.</p><p>“How long was I out?” Harry asked, feeling the pit in his stomach slowly grow.</p><p>“About three weeks. 20 days to be exact.” </p><p>Harry’s eyes widened at the news. <em> Three weeks? That can’t be right.  </em></p><p>Healer Tina looked to the trio beside Harry. She put on a smile, and gently asked them to leave the room. After a moment’s hesitation, they left. None of this eased Harry’s dread.</p><p>“Harry, I’m going to ask you a few questions okay? Answer as honestly as you can, and if you’re not sure about anything just tell me. Will that be okay?” </p><p>Harry nodded, trying to swallow down the fear he could feel bubbling up.</p><p>“How old are you?” She started.</p><p>“20.” </p><p>“When’s your birthday?”</p><p>“July 31st, 1980.”</p><p>“What was the last thing you remember?”</p><p>Harry closed his eyes to think. It was just blurry colours and noise, layers of shouts and then blackness. Before that was lunch with Ron and Hermione to celebrate Hermione being Minister for Magic so quickly. He told healer Tina about it.</p><p>Tina was a good healer, Harry decided. She didn’t give anything away from her face and didn’t treat him differently. </p><p>“Can I just cast one more diagnostic charm on your head? It’ll be quick, I’ll just check for any residual magic that isn’t your own.”</p><p>Harry sighed, then nodded.</p><p>The spell didn’t last more than a minute which Harry was eternally grateful for. He watched as Tina wrote studiously on the papers in her clipboard. When she finished, she looked back to Harry and sat down on the spare seat. </p><p>She kept eye-level with him, and the pit that was forming in Harry’s gut became bigger. And as Tina told Harry what had happened to him, the pit grew so big he found himself falling into it.</p><p>Tina conjured a bag before even Harry knew he was going to vomit. Nothing but the water came up, and he was dry heaving for much too long.</p><p> </p><p>*****</p><p><em> 5 years </em>. </p><p>5 years gone, disappeared, obliviated. </p><p>After comforting Harry and making sure his dry heaving didn’t cause any additional pain, Tina went outside to give him time. Just outside the door, he heard gasps, sobs, and then a very quiet, barely audible “no.” Harry understood. That’s exactly what he wanted to do too.</p><p>Ron and Hermione rushed in almost immediately after Harry heard Tina’s heels echo down the hallway. Ron with red-rimmed eyes, and Hermione a face that changed emotions every second. </p><p>“Oh, Harry.” She said, moving to hug him tightly. </p><p>“Is it true?” Ron asked, voice dripping with fear and a hint of hope.</p><p>“Apparently I’m not 20 years old, and the lunch we had to celebrate Hermione’s rise to Minister of Magic wasn’t yesterday.”</p><p>The silence grew, but it was bearable with his friends here. Soon, Ron asked, “How old do you feel?”</p><p>“Right now? About 90 years, give or take a good few thousand.”</p><p>That made the room a little lighter, and they all started to talk about whatever they could without revealing too much.</p><p>Throughout their visit, Harry wondered if Malfoy was going to come in at some point, but as time went on, he never reappeared. Harry wondered aloud why Malfoy was in the room, a few hours later. He noted the grim faces on Ron and Hermione’s faces as they tried to change the subject.</p><p> </p><p>*****</p><p>After a long talk with Ron and Tina, Harry decided to try getting the memories himself. Apparently, the clash of spells that hit him during his apparent last auror raid was Obliviate, Confundus, and Stupefy. The shield that he threw up wasn’t strong enough. So, added onto the onslaught of spells, he flew back and hit his head hard against the brick wall.</p><p>The memories stayed hidden. Even with confused healers performing the spell that counter Obliviate, nothing came. The Obliviate took his memories, but the hit on the head ensured they stayed gone. He’d have to try and get them back another way. </p><p>Harry had to stay in St Mungo’s for a few weeks longer. His days were filled with spells and diagnostic charms that it all started to meld together. All Tina could do was watch over him and wait for any memories to come through while he was hospitalised.</p><p>He was growing increasingly impatient.</p><p>Feeling better, heaps better than 3 weeks ago when he woke up, he just wanted to go home. But where was home? Where did he live? Was it still at Grimmauld place or did he move out? He’d been thinking of moving out for a while, but that was 5 years ago. So much could have happened since.</p><p>Thinking took too much energy. The hammering in his skull only grew louder whenever he had enough time to think about everything that could’ve changed, everything that he had missed. Were the glasses beside him the same ones? Is his favourite mug still there at home, waiting to be used? Hell, is it even his favourite mug anymore? These thoughts, once entered, never left until he slept, too exhausted by it all.</p><p>One day, Tina told him he was lucky to be alive. Harry thought for one scary moment that maybe that would’ve been for the better. But when Ron and Hermione came in, holding 4 cups of hot coffee, and determined smiles on their faces, the thought crushed itself.</p><p>Hermione, bless her, had started reading into muggle biology textbooks about memory loss and bringing it back. She suggested visiting places he’s been too before with other people, or simply just talking to the people he cared about. Ron smiled at her, and rolled his eyes as he did when Hermione started her neverending information talk. </p><p>Harry’s heart ached at the sight. </p><p>Did he have a lover? How many did he have in that time? Is he in a relationship now? And the question started swirling in his mind, his body sinking into his chest like his heart had stronger gravity. Hermione’s words went through one ear and out the other as he started to descend into disaster.</p><p>Malfoy never came back after the day Harry first woke up. He started to think maybe he hallucinated him ever being there. But asking about Malfoy made Ron, Hermione, and Tina change the subject almost immediately. It wasn’t like he <em> hated </em>Malfoy these days, Harry was just wondering. Still, he never asked again.</p><p>But sometimes, when he’s tossing and turning in his sleep, trying to calm the pain that kept him sleeping too lightly, he feels someone hold his hand. And while his mind screams in confusion, his body fights a little harder against the pain. As always, when he’s fully awake, they’re gone.</p><p>There were 3 days left until Harry would be able to leave. The bed has become suffocating, the white walls seemed to chip away at his sanity, and the people coming in and out of that door were all the same. The only ones he was able to distinguish were the 3 he ever talked to properly.</p><p>He put down today’s Daily Prophet newspaper with ferociousness. Frustration tingling in his fingertips, but held back with taught control. It wasn’t as bad as it could have been. </p><p>The knowledge that Harry Potter had lost his memory was still kept under wraps, known only by Tina, Ron, Hermione, and presumably Malfoy. ‘The Boy Who Lived Once Again: Immortal?’ was one of the worst articles he’d ever read. </p><p>You’d think for someone who’s died before wouldn’t be thought as immortal, yet here were the conspiracy theories.</p><p>Grabbing his wand, given back to him at some point by a faceless person, he cast an Incendio, and watched as each printed sentence burned. There were still a million copies, but at least it wasn’t in the same room as him anymore.</p><p>Right on time, Hermione and Ron walked through the door. Harry smiled at them, thankful for a distraction, but worry was written all over their faces.</p><p>He felt his smile slowly leave.</p><p>“Is everything okay?” </p><p>Hermione sat on the seat beside his bed as Ron threw up a Muffliato. Harry’s eyebrow raised, but he didn’t ask any questions. The couple gave each other an encouraging nod before turning back to Harry.</p><p>“You’re going to be released in 3 days, Harry.” Hermione started.</p><p>“I know, isn’t it great? I’ll finally be out of here.” He smiled a little too much to be considered genuine.</p><p>“It is! Don’t get us wrong, we’re so happy for you and the rate of your recovery since but…” Hermione trailed off, and glanced at Ron for support.</p><p>Ron sighed before he continued. “Harry, for the past 5 or so years, you haven’t lived in Grimmauld Place anymore.” He paused to let Harry process.</p><p>Harry blinked and tilted his head, then a half smile pulled at his lips. “Okay… I’ve wanted to move out for a while.” Then a thought popped into his head. “But… That’s not all, is it?”</p><p>They both shook their heads. “Harry… You don’t live alone.” </p><p>Before Ron could continue, Harry’s questions flew out of his mouth. “Do I have a partner? Why haven’t they seen me yet? Are they okay? Who is it? Are they okay?” His chest ached and he rubbed his fist against it, trying to relieve some of the pain.</p><p>“Yes, you do have a partner. And… They have seen you, though most of the time you were asleep.” Hermione started slowly. </p><p>“They’re okay. Well, as okay as they can be.” Ron sat at the foot of Harry’s bed. “You have to understand that we’ve told them about your memory loss. And it’s been really hard.” </p><p>Harry couldn’t believe it. He could not believe it. Not only had he forgotten his partner, but his memory loss had taken a toll on someone he cared so deeply for. His mind was racing, and his heart was hurting, yearning for something he didn’t even remember.</p><p>“Who is it? Who am I living with?” Harry asked as the silence grew too long and his thoughts grew too loud. His friends flinched slightly at the intensity in his voice.</p><p>Hermione reached out and held his hand, squeezing it reassuringly. It was nice, but something was off about it. It didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel like it does in his dreams.</p><p>“Harry, it’s Draco Malfoy.” She whispered.</p><p>Harry expected time to stop when those words bounced upon his eardrums. If not that, then at least for something to stop, whether it be his racing mind or his pounding heart, but nothing did. Nothing stopped.</p><p>Gathering that maybe, this time, he was okay, he opened his mouth to speak. It was only when his breath formed a bubble in his throat that he realised what it all meant. Just the depth to how much he’s lost, and how much he has to regain.</p><p>“Draco…” He cleared his throat. And again. Three times for good measure. “Draco Malfoy.” </p><p>He retreated his hand from Hermione and moved his legs away from Ron. It was so snake-like, coiling into himself. Hugging himself like the scared kid he was in the cupboard all those years ago. </p><p>“How long?” It was barely a whisper. </p><p>“About 3 years, give or take.” Ron stood up, moving away from Harry, giving him space. </p><p>“That's why he was here when I first woke up…” He said more to himself.</p><p>Harry clenched his eyes shut, trying so hard to remember something. Anything. Please. But nothing came but the history the two shared in Hogwarts. Nothing but the cold communication during his trials. Nothing but snide remarks and petty fighting in 8th year. Nothing. Nothing that could somehow twist into affection for Malfoy.</p><p>“Why don’t I remember?” His voice was sharp and accusing. It was all directed to himself. “Damn it, Harry. Remember <em> something. </em>” </p><p>He remembered things even further back, before the calm of 8th year. Malfoy on the floor dotted in crimson, Harry on the ground of the Hogwarts express with a broken nose, he even remembers the rejected handshake that just might have started it all. There was nothing there. He couldn’t see anything there but indifference towards each other.</p><p>How on earth did he develop feelings for Draco Malfoy?</p><p>“Harry, we-” Hermione started, but she was cut off.</p><p>“I need a moment to think.” And he pressed the palms of his hands to his eyes.</p><p>Feeling them both slowly get up, release the Muffliato charm, and walk out the door was hard. But nothing hurt more than when he stopped his breathing to hear whisper-shouts out the door and realising with a cold, empty feeling that Malfoy was outside, crying in the arms of his -no, <em> their </em> friends.</p><p>***</p><p>The 3 days passed like everything else. Only difference was the way his mind wandered to Malfoy a lot more than usual, and how his sleep no longer consisted of hands to hold. But it wasn’t like he needed it anymore. The pain has gotten a lot better.</p><p>Hermione and Ron told him the night before that they couldn’t be there when Harry was released. They were truthful and honest when they told Harry that they didn’t want to be in the middle of whatever happens when he gets to his house. To be fair, Harry didn’t really put up a fight.</p><p>“Besides,” Hermione had said just before the two left. “If we were there, you might hide behind us. How can people have a serious talk when one hides?” </p><p>Commending Hermione and her logic, he changed into the new clothes that Ron gave him. He endured through one last diagnostic charm by Tina with gritted teeth. When she smiled and nodded in satisfaction, Harry moved to hug her, thanking her for everything she’d done. </p><p>“No need to thank me. I have been your main healer for the past 4 years.” She smiled, a hint of sadness in there. </p><p>“I’m sorry, I don’t remember.” He pulled back, and signed the last paper on Tina’s clipboard.</p><p>“It’s okay.” </p><p>
  <em> Was it though? </em>
</p><p>“Either way, I’m still your main healer.” Tina started to talk, gesturing for Harry to follow. “Unless you wish to have a different healer?” </p><p>“No! No, thank you. You’re a great healer, and you don’t treat me differently like the ones I had before.” </p><p>Tina laughed and it echoed down the empty hall. “That’s what you said before. Even without your memories, you’re still you.” </p><p>Tina led him to her office to where the floo was. No one thought he was ready to apparate just yet. With one hand grabbing a handful of floo powder, and the other taking the piece of paper with his address on it, he sighed. Tina waved goodbye as Harry spoke. </p><p>“7 Autumn Avenue!” </p><p> </p><p>*****</p><p>Stumbling through the floo on the other side was not how he wanted to enter, but the rush of floo travel was so painful he doubled over almost immediately. He was covered in soot, but too tired to dust it off. The first thing he noticed was that he might’ve already stained what seemed to be a spotless carpet.</p><p>“<em>Fuck.</em>” He said to himself. </p><p>He tried to get up, but his knees gave out. Just when he needed it, a pair of pale delicate hands helped him up and get to the couch a few steps away. He wiped clean his glasses, and put them back on only to stare at the carpet, and the soot stain, in high definition.</p><p>“You’re early. I wasn’t expecting you for at least another hour.” It was Malfoy’s voice. Slightly deeper than in his memory. A lot more calm than from when he woke up. “Couldn’t wait to get out of there, could you, you impatient git.” </p><p>Harry finally looked up, amazed at the obvious friendly teasing in Malfoy’s tone. Harry commanded his eyes to focus on the man in front of him. His friend. His apparent partner. </p><p>In auror training, one of the most important lessons is getting information from a glance. One glance at Malfoy was all Harry needed, but he continued to stare on. </p><p>Malfoy’s face showed way too much. For one, Harry knew he hadn’t had a proper night’s sleep. Heavy bags under his sunken eyes, and his usually flawless skin had spots. Along with that, Malfoy’s cheekbones had sharpened immensely, his jawline jutting out. He looked sick, thin, and much too tired. </p><p>The faint noise of something sizzling from what Harry assumed was the kitchen, started to grow a little louder. He realised that a hint of raw ginger and garlic surrounded Malfoy thinly. His eyes widened as his thoughts continued on. Draco Malfoy was cooking food, and it smelled, so far, amazing.</p><p>“Are you cooking? What time is it?” Harry didn’t think he could’ve held in his questions even if he wanted to.</p><p>“Yes, I am.” Then Malfoy’s eyebrow raised. “Aren’t you a wizard, Harry? Cast a tempus.” </p><p>You’d think after so much of his life, even excluding the part he couldn’t remember, he would be used to magic now. But no. Instead his childhood-enemy-from-years-ago-turned-good-who-somehow-became-his-lover-that-he-couldn’t-remember had to remind him of its existence. Feeling the tips of his ears grow red, he pulled out his wand and cast a tempus.</p><p>“Almost lunch time.” He said to Malfoy.</p><p>“Precisely. Almost time to eat.” With that Malfoy left, disappearing to the kitchen.</p><p>Harry continued resting on the chair, waiting for the pain in his stomach to subside. Whilst he waited, he took note of the room. There were shelves on the corner overflowing with books, he noticed some were muggle stories, the others were magical textbooks. The books were all over the place, but for some reason, he knew there was an order to this mess. Organised chaos.</p><p>His eyes continued to browse the room, taking note of muggle lamps. For a house that has been lived in for years by two people, it seemed like it was missing something. Bits and pieces of things were here and there, a stack of wooden dragons on one table, a discarded coat, but it stillfelt bare. </p><p>When Harry realised there were no picture frames of anything, he frowned to himself. He always thought that he’d have memories everywhere in his house. But there was not a trace of any of it. Sinking further into the chair, trying not to go too deeply into thought, his eyes went over the soot stain on the carpet again. He cast a simple cleaning spell, and the carpet was brand new.</p><p>“Harry?” Malfoy called from the kitchen next room over.</p><p>“Yeah?” Harry wasn’t sure he was comfortable with Malfoy calling him by his first name just yet. Even though they’ve been dating for a while, it still shocked him a bit.</p><p>“Do you want to eat there or on the table?” Malfoy’s head poked from the doorway comically.</p><p>It was so strikingly domestic, his heart felt a strong pull. But even so, he needed to remember it all first. He wasn’t going to do anything like this. Not while he wasn’t really himself.</p><p>“The table’s fine. I’ll come over.”</p><p>Malfoy nodded once and disappeared again. </p><p>As Harry got up, walking towards the kitchen, he kept note of the lack of picture frames. He wanted to ask Malfoy about them. </p><p>The kitchen was exactly how he’d imagined it would be. A big bench countertop to accommodate his culinary experiments, a sink that was deep enough for large pots, and cooking utensils hanging next to the window, all jagged and messy. It was the complete opposite of the kitchen he’d grown up with at the Dursleys. This was exactly the way he’d imagined it to be all those years ago. He applauded the Harry he couldn’t remember, he wished he could tell him how proud he was.</p><p>Malfoy was scraping the last of the food from the pan onto a plate. The smell of the dish hit him so hard he started salivating. His stomach roared loudly.</p><p>Through snickers, Malfoy asked, “Merlin, Harry. Do you have an angry erumpent trapped in your stomach?”</p><p>Harry chuckled in response, and began to move through the other archway leading to the dining table. It was a modest table, it wasn’t grand or overbearing like he feared it would be. There were scratch marks on it. His fingers traced over them, and he smiled. This table was well loved, it made Harry almost tear up. </p><p>“I didn’t realise I was so afraid to see this house.” He whispered softly to himself.</p><p>His fear of walking through that floo into a place he couldn’t call home. The dread that the kitchen would look like the one etched into his childhood. Scared of walking through the house and seeing things that just weren't Harry James Potter. All of that, he didn’t realise it. </p><p>All too suddenly, a tear rolled down his cheek. It stopped and kissed at the scars he didn’t remember getting. He gently wiped it away.</p><p>A soft hoot and a rattle of a cage almost made him jump. </p><p>He looked back at the archway to the kitchen, and there it was. A beautiful brown owl, staring up at him with the widest eyes he’s ever seen. It hooted again softly, and tilted its head as Harry walked closer.</p><p>Tentatively, he opened the cage. The owl must’ve been wonderfully trained as it flew out only to rest at Harry’s arm. He pet it and scratched its neck. His heart soared and sobbed at the same time. </p><p>Out of all the things, he didn’t think he’d get another owl. Not after Hedwig.</p><p>“Her name is Isolt.”</p><p>Harry turned as Malfoy finished placing lunch on the table. The food looked absolutely delicious. His stomach rumbled once again, startling Isolt. </p><p>Malfoy laughed once more, and then walked to the window. “It’s Isolt’s flying time.” </p><p>Once the window opened, Harry expected Isolt to go flying. Yet, she didn’t. She kept staring at Harry, head tilted, as if she knew this Harry was different. Owls were incredibly smart. As the staring continued, he felt like he was being tested. Finally, Isolt hooted softly, and moved to rub her head against Harry’s jaw. </p><p>One second she was there, the next she was gone.</p><p>Harry, finally sitting at the table, instantly dug into his food. Malfoy, he noted, ate slowly. There were no words shared between them.</p><p>Soon enough, Harry’s spoon was scraping against the plate, trying to get as much as he could from the amazing meal. When he finally put his spoon and fork down, Malfoy smirked at him. </p><p>“I take the food was good then?” </p><p>The way he said it, the way friend’s tease each other, joke around, playing fun. It was weird for Harry. There was no bridge between the last time Harry saw Malfoy in 8th year to now. It was too sudden. He swallowed the uncomfortable lump in his throat.</p><p>“It was great, thank you. When did you learn to cook?” </p><p>Malfoy’s smirk faltered, then slowly descended to a thin line. “A few years ago.” </p><p>Harry, noting the way he didn’t seem to want to talk more about it, nodded. </p><p>Silence took over the room again. Malfoy didn’t seem to have eaten even half of his plate yet. Despite that, he looked much for sure of himself than Harry could muster right now. </p><p>“Malfoy,” Harry said slowly. “I don’t remember the past 5 years. Last I checked, Hermione just became Minister for Magic… It’s all really sudden for me, this entire situation. Even this place.” </p><p>Harry looked at Malfoy as he crumbled. Malfoy couldn’t seem to look at Harry anymore. His shoulders dropped, leaving the tension that was so tightly together. He took a deep breath, and closed his eyes tightly. </p><p>Harry gathered Malfoy was trying to keep himself together. But when tears started falling onto the table, just behind the unfinished plate of food, Harry stopped breathing all together. </p><p>It was too much. There was too much here. Why did Harry think it was a good idea to come here knowing how much there was? How many memories did he forget? How could they possibly talk things over when it held so much emotion? </p><p>Malfoy put his hands over his face. After a few seconds, he exhaled, schooled his features, and shoved his messy hair away from his face. Harry stared at Malfoy, wondering how he was able to hide it all, even after just crying. </p><p>“You have an office upstairs.” Malfoy started. Harry didn’t comment on how tired his voice suddenly was. “It has your stuff in it. A desk, books, journals. Hermione told me you had to regain your memory a different way. Maybe spending some time in there would help?” </p><p>The hope in Harry started to grow. Memories! He might be able to remember something. He could take anything. Hell, he’d take a bad pun from Ron if that’s all his mind would give him. At least it would be something.</p><p>His hope must’ve been all over his face because Malfoy smiled. He <em> smiled. </em> It was different from before, it was hopeful. Malfoy got up, leaving their dishes on the table, and started walking up the stairs. </p><p>Harry moved to get the dishes and put them in the kitchen when he heard Malfoy. “Just leave them, I’m not done. I’ll finish after I show you your office.” </p><p>Harry looked at the mess with uncertainty, but left it. Subtly, he cast a stasis charm on the remaining food on Malfoy’s plate. He wasn’t sure just how long they’d be up there for, but he didn’t want to take the risk and let it get cold.</p><p>The wooden stairs were beautiful. The third step had a creak that sounded like a cry from the Whomping Willow, and it scared Harry half to death. The handrails were simple yet elegant. The best thing was there was no cupboard underneath the stairs. It seemed to be taken off and destroyed. </p><p>The house was better than he thought it would be.</p><p>With one startling moment, Harry realised that Malfoy must know at least a little bit of his traumatic childhood. He wasn’t sure how to handle that information. Thankful that he didn’t need to tell Malfoy, but also uncomfortable he knew something he kept deep down.</p><p>“That’s the bedroom.” Malfoy pointed to the room at the end of the hallway. “That’s the spare room.” Pointing to another door next to it. </p><p>They continued walking down. When they passed another door and Malfoy didn’t note it, Harry stopped. “What about this one?” </p><p>“Oh, that’s my office. Didn’t think it was important.” Malfoy shrugged and continued walking.</p><p>“Then why’d you point out the spare room?” Harry asked, confused at the logic.</p><p>Malfoy stopped short of the last room which Harry concluded was his own office. “Harry, you don’t remember anything from the past 5 years. You don’t remember… us. So, until you get your memories back, we’ll be sleeping in different rooms.” </p><p>Harry felt like a right idiot. Of course they’d been sleeping in the same room since they moved in together. Harry felt so stupid. Feeling slightly embarrassed he slapped a palm to his face. </p><p>Malfoy laughed softly at Harry, shaking his head. He continued walking. “You can be so daft sometimes.” </p><p>The insult was laced with layers of affection. Harry wanted to run. It was all too fast, too weird, too uncomfortable, too… much. </p><p>They finally reached the last door. “Welcome to your office, Harry James Potter.” </p><p>Malfoy stepped back, letting Harry be the one to open it. It was a small gesture, but it meant everything. </p><p>The office was incredible. This is the one place, the first place, that really felt like him. Even if it wasn’t the same Harry that left this room, the Harry now that entered it felt right at home. </p><p>On the desk were an array of ink bottles and pens that looked like they were from a 2 dollar muggle shop. He had shelves with stacks of folders shoved hastily on top of each other. There were a few books, a mix of muggle and magical. On the window sill was a potted plant, not dead yet, but seemed to be in need of a lot of care. </p><p>Harry looked at Malfoy still outside the door. “Are you going to come in?” Harry asked.</p><p>“No, this is your space.” Malfoy looked around hesitantly, then continued. “I know you don’t remember, but we agreed that our offices would be spaces for ourselves.” </p><p>Harry waited for him to continue, but he never did. “That seems very mature of us.” </p><p>Malfoy smiled at the remark. “Yeah, I guess so. Younger us would never have imagined we’d be as civil as we are now.” </p><p>It was a joke in poor taste. But when Harry went to comment on it, Malfoy’s face had contorted in a cringe, regret all over his face. Harry suppressed a laugh at the image in front of him, and continued to move around the room.</p><p>“I’ll leave you to it. Shout if you need me.” And with that, Malfoy was gone, shutting the door behind him.</p><p>He stepped to the middle of the room and took one full turn. “Okay, Harry James Potter, time to find out who you were.” </p><p>He decided to tackle the desk first. Moving around to sit down, he took note of just how messy it was. Broken quills and dried out ink pots littered one of the corners. He moved to grab one of the pens, and tested it on a random piece of paper. Out of the 3 pens on the table, only one of them could actually be used.</p><p>Then, he looked properly at the desk. There were books, what seemed to be diaries and journals, stacked up. Going to pick one of them up for reading, movement caught the corner of his eye. </p><p>It was a picture frame. A moving picture frame. A group of people laughing and smiling, arms over shoulders and a flash of the camera. A moment of camaraderie held within a simple frame.</p><p>His hands started to shake as he picked it up. It felt like he was holding the world in his hands. The picture restarted, but the feeling of pure happiness never left each of their faces.</p><p>Harry was in the middle, Malfoy beside him. They were holding hands, yet looking away from each other. Beside Harry were Ron and Hermione. Their mouths moving and a cheering fist from the both of them shooting through the sky. Luna and Ginny were there too, smiling and talking, they belatedly joined in the first pump a few moments later.</p><p>Next to Malfoy were a much older Pansy Parkinson and Blaise Zabini than he remembered. There was softness in their faces as they leaned forward to look at the cheering squad. They laughed as they raised their arms. Neville Longbottom, Theodore Nott, and Greogoy Goyle were there too, looking at each other smiling, until they all leaned back, laughing.</p><p>The scene replayed over and over again. Harry picked out new things here and there through the graininess of the photos. Like the snitch that flew behind them all just before the flash, or how Luna’s drink sloshed out of her cup, the way Nott and Neville were holding hands, and how Goyle had his arm around Neville. Harry didn’t know how long he stared at it, watching this memory over and over again. </p><p>He cried after finally putting that picture frame down. It wasn’t a calm teary eyed cry, no. It was heart wrenching sobs and the biting of his clenched fist as he tried to be quiet even though he wanted to scream. It was his free hand rubbing circles over his aching chest in a vain attempt to soothe the pain. </p><p>It was carelessly thrown glasses on the desk as he looked up at the ceiling, wondering why he had to go through this too, <em> I saved the world, didn’t I? Give me a break. </em> It was begging for his memory to return. It was pleading and praying, and no answers. It was denial at the situation because how could he <em> ever </em> forget something like this? </p><p>Anger started flowing through his veins. The frustration weaved through every nerve ending like a pinball machine. Every single thought was painted red. His fists clenched so tightly he didn’t realise the nails digging into his palm. The unfairness of it all hit him square in the chest.</p><p>He didn’t even know what they were celebrating in that photo. He didn’t know anything. He couldn’t remember, and no matter how many times he watched it, nothing came. No flashes of a smile or a lingering taste on his tongue, no smell of fresh backyard air or tingling touches, and absolutely no recall of how their laughter sounded. No memories.</p><p>It was all too much. </p><p>He started to laugh maniacally, feeling himself edge towards insanity. The first picture frame he came across in his own house had reduced him into a right mess. He just keeps underestimating just how much he’s lost.</p><p> </p><p>*****</p><p>When he finally stopped crying, his breathing now normal and glasses put on, he reached over for the stack of journals and began reading. </p><p>His eyes travelled over each page. Remnants of his anger made him have to reread sentences. He finally got halfway through a journal, which he found was just filled with dates for interviews, meetings, and speeches, and decided it was time for a break. </p><p>Feeling his eyes were still puffy and his hands still had a slight shake, he stayed in the room, not going downstairs just yet. He’d forgotten to ask Malfoy about the missing pictures in the house, but with how intensely he reacted to the one on his desk, he was thankful he did. </p><p>His hands started to fidget, begging for something to do, but his mind was exhausted. He looked around at the mess of his office. Thankful to have something mindless to do, he got up and started cleaning.</p><p>Opening the window was the first step. A gust of wind pushed through, and the smell of dust that Harry didn’t even notice was there, slowly began to disappear. The view from his window was beautiful. He could see the side of the neighbour’s house, the street below and the way it curved. He saw the front yard, eyes landing on the mix of flowers from lilies to daffodils. If he looked hard even, he could make out the shine of the wards. With wide eyes, he realised that this house was in a muggle neighbourhood.</p><p>He slowly stepped back from the window, allowing himself to indulge in the sight and breathe in the fresh air before turning around to face the task at hand. The wind must’ve been a lot stronger than he thought because it looked like a tornado had came through. The papers on his desk now scattered across the floor, several folders and books on the shelves had opened up. He rubbed his face and groaned.</p><p>“Fine.” He said to himself, and started picking up the mess.</p><p> </p><p>*****</p><p>Harry’s office now looked a lot better. Folders all stacked neatly on top of each other, books sitting tightly together. Amidst all the mess going on in Harry’s life, at least this one place, this one single place that was purely his, was organised.</p><p>A flutter of wings and a soft hoot brought him back to the real world. Isolt perched on the window sill, a letter tied to her foot. Harry walked over, and pet her gently. In time he knew he’d get used to having an owl again, and that somewhere deeply hidden in his mind was a reason he bought another. </p><p>“Hello, Isolt. Have a letter for me?” Isolt hooted softly and shook her leg.</p><p>Harry smiled, and took the letter off. Before he could start reading it, Isolt flew over to his desk and pecked at the corner of it. Harry realised he hadn’t checked the drawers yet. In one swift movement, he went to his desk and opened up the top drawer that Isolt seemed to be pecking at. </p><p>Under a shimmering stasis charm, a box of owl treats sat untouched. He took one and gave it to Isolt who ate it happily from his hand. His heart hurt as memories of Hedwig came through. But when Isolt rubbed her head against Harry’s hand, and looked up at him with big eyes, he felt that it would be okay.</p><p><em> None of your memories have come back yet. You don’t know who you are. </em>His mind began to dig a hole to fall into. It stopped almost as soon as it had start when Isolt bit the hand that held the letter. He glared at Isolt as he opened it. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> ‘Harry, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Dinner will be ready soon. Come down whenever you want, I can put the food under stasis. Isolt hasn’t had any jobs lately, so I thought she’d enjoy sending one to you. Let me know when you’ll be down. Send it through Isolt! </em>
</p><p>
  <em> From, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> DM  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> P.S: Thanks for putting my lunch under stasis.’ </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Mixed emotions flooded through Harry, just as it always did when it came to the new Malfoy. Well maybe not new, just unknown. The unknown Malfoy of the past 5 years. This letter wasn’t anything like he thought Malfoy would write. It was informal and domestic and not at all what he’d expect.</p><p>Grabbing a pen, avoiding the quills covered in dry ink, he wrote his reply. He let Malfoy know he’d be down in half an hour. Isolt’s feet tippy-tapped along his desk as he wrote, her excitement could be felt from miles away. He’d only just got the letter tired around her ankle when she shot off through the window.</p><p>He watched from the desk. The soft warm brown of Isolt’s wings next to the slowly darkening sky. The sky now filled with a mix of a red orange slowly being overrun by dark blues, and the cotton candy clouds. It was beautiful. </p><p>The view outside, and a window almost as big as the wall. The office really was his place. It was open and freeing, he didn’t feel cramped even with piles of paper everywhere. Harry applauded the unknown Harry, thanking him for such care and thought into the place he wanted to call home. </p><p>He watched as all remnants of the sun disappeared from the sky. Deciding it was time to go, he shut the window, but not before taking one more deep refreshing breath in. He closed the office door behind him gently, and walked back to the dining room table.</p><p>Malfoy was humming in the kitchen in the melody of… Was that the Hogwarts school song? Harry poked his head through and watched Malfoy move around the kitchen, oblivious to Harry’s shocked staring. </p><p>“I thought you hated the school song?” Harry asked, finally making his presence known.</p><p>Malfoy continued moving, adding final touches to the dinner. “You thought a lot of things, Harry.” He smiled gently at Harry, then gestured to the plates. “Can you bring those to the table? I won’t be a moment longer.”</p><p>Amazed at how low Malfoy’s walls were around Harry, he grabbed the plates, cutlery, and glasses, and brought them to the table. He laid them all neatly, well as neat as they could be, and sat down to wait.</p><p>In the corner was Isolt, a few dead mice in her cage. In the other corner was a table that held a few candles. Harry looked up and almost passed out at what he saw. He’d been sure he’d remember a floating chandelier with lit candles instead of lightbulbs, but no, no it was there and Harry just seemed to completely miss it. Blimey, how oblivious was he?</p><p>“We limit the amount of electricity in the house,” Malfoy said, catching Harry staring at the candle chandelier. “Our magic messes with it too much. That’s why we just use it in the living room where all the books are.” </p><p>Harry just nodded. Malfoy set down the big bowl of pasta in the middle of the table. It looked amazing, and his wonder for how Malfoy cooked just increased.</p><p>After Malfoy took a plateful, Harry got his food as well. When he ate one bite, he hummed happily. It was nice, and let Malfoy know it.</p><p>“You could probably cook better.” Malfoy replied offhandedly.</p><p>“Yeah, I probably could.” Harry teased, surprised the animosity he usually had was almost gone. “How’d you start cooking? You don’t need to tell me, you were uncomfortable before but I thought maybe I coul star-”</p><p>Malfoy held up a hand to stop the beginning of Harry’s word vomit. “A few years ago, you wanted to teach me. So you did.” </p><p>Harry could feel Malfoy begin to close up. He saw it in the twitch in Malfoy eyebrow and the clenching of his jaw. But Harry wanted to keep asking questions. He needed to know, he was dying to know, to remember. </p><p>That familiar thrum of anger resonated in his chest.</p><p>“I just decided to teach you because I wanted to?” He scoffed.</p><p>Malfoy’s eyes narrowed slightly. “Yes. That is what happened.”</p><p>“I don’t believe it, that doesn’t make sense. I just decided to?” </p><p>“You’re Harry bleeding Potter, have you ever made sense?” Malfoy threw back. His voice was calm, annoyingly so, and it irked Harry to no end.</p><p>“How are you so calm about this entire situation, <em> Malfoy? </em> How is it that I, somehow your boyfriend, lost memories of our entire relationship and you can just carry on like normal? I fall through the floo, and you’re treating me like nothing’s happened.” Harry’s voice was trembling, a mix of anger hiding the sadness.</p><p>“Am I?” Malfoy put down the spoon, the food long forgotten. “I’ve had weeks of knowing your memory is gone. Since the first day, I knew you’d forgotten,” His voice cracked. “Us.... Every day we’ve spent together as friends and more just gone because one single raid had gone wrong. I spent days crying. Hermione and Ron had to come over and make sure I ate every day, did you know?” </p><p>Harry was silent. His anger was bubbling. He didn’t know if he was angry at Malfoy for making sense, or himself for wanting to ignore it. “No, I didn’t know.” He finally said through gritted teeth.</p><p>“Of course you didn’t. I begged them not to tell you.” </p><p>“Why on earth would you do that?”</p><p>“So that you wouldn’t worry. Didn’t matter. They didn’t tell you about me ‘til a few days ago, remember?” Malfoy’s hands were fidgeting, rolling his wand back and forth across the table. He was still incredibly calm despite the sharpness in his words.</p><p>Harry nodded in response, and felt the anger turn into a slow simmer. He sighed, and tried to control himself. Nothing made sense. None of it made sense. This unknown Malfoy, the unknown Harry of before, this unknown Hermione, Ron, Isolt. It was all unknown. </p><p>Harry poked and prodded at his food. He didn’t have much of an appetite anymore.</p><p>“There’s a picture frame on my desk,” He said slowly, avoiding Malfoy’s eyes. “It’s got everyone in it, you, Ron, Hermione, Neville and Luna, Ginny, even some of the other Slytherins from school.”</p><p>Malfoy just hummed in response. Harry continued to look down at the table.</p><p>“I don’t remember any of it. I stared at that picture for what felt like years, trying to bring a memory into existence. Nothing came back.” Harry sighed and finally looked up.</p><p>Malfoy looked tired and broken all over again. Harry’s heart pulled towards him, but he stayed where he was. Whoever this Malfoy is, he didn’t love him. Not like unknown Harry did, and not the way unknown Malfoy wanted him to. </p><p>“Have you tried reading th-” </p><p>“Malfoy, I need to know,” Harry cut him off before he could forget to ask. “Where are the rest of the picture frames? There’s no way I would only have one in the house.” </p><p>Malfoy stared at Harry, scanning him. For the first time since, Harry felt a hint of the Draco Malfoy he remembered from school. Cool and calculating, observing and ready to strike. Then Malfoy’s face dropped as he sighed.</p><p>Harry watched as Malfoy picked up his wand and pointed to the corner where the table of candles were. </p><p>“<em>Revelio</em>.”</p><p>Three neatly stacked boxes shimmered into view. Harry gasped and stood up, walking to them quickly. Malfoy followed. Before Harry could open the box to look inside, Malfoy’s hand landed on the top. </p><p>“Look, Harry…”</p><p>But Harry's had enough. There’s been too much today. In fact, it’s been pretty loaded this past month since he woke up. No memories have resurfaced, nothing is making any sort of sense, the two people who he does know a little are not here, and Draco bloody Malfoy’s hand is blocking his access to physical reminders of anything that’s happened the past 5 years. </p><p>He’s had enough. He physically felt the thread holding in his pent up anger break.</p><p>“You hid these from me? When were you gonna tell me? There’s three whole boxes filled with photos and you didn’t bother telling me? What the FUCK is wrong with you?” Harry’s voice boomed, and even seconds after he finished the house still shook.</p><p>Malfoy brought his hand close to his chest and took a step back. His face fell and his bottom lip quivered. He looked like he was going to cry, and Harry almost reached out to him. Almost. But his anger was still too strong.</p><p>Then it changed. Malfoy’s face completely changed. He was now angry, and incredibly so. The air around him seemed to spark, and Malfoy’s eyes held a raging fire in them. </p><p>“I do a good thing for you, and you think I’m being selfish? I had a feeling you’d react badly to them if you were surrounded by them, so I packed them. Now here you are, throwing it all back to me.” Malfoy’s voice was like a snake’s hiss, and seemed to weave itself into the walls of the house. “You’re the selfish one.”</p><p>Harry wanted to grab his wand, to hold it out and against Malfoy but something stopped him. Some sort of muscle memory that kept a level of logic when Harry’s mind couldn’t. But Harry was seeing more and more red.</p><p>“<em>I</em><em>’m </em> the selfish one?” Harry laughed. He actually laughed at the thought. “You’re the one without a damn heart. Acting like nothing’s changed. Typical of a Malfoy. In case you haven’t noticed, <em> Malfoy, </em>” He spat. “Everything has changed.” </p><p>“You think I don’t know that? Merlin, for once in my life I try to do the right thing, and you come and fuck it all up. How else should I have acted, <em> Potter? </em> With the same hatred from school? Would you really have stayed here this long if I did? You’d run right back to St Mungo’s at the sight of me.” </p><p>Harry ground his teeth together. Everything that Malfoy was saying was right, and he knew it, but it was so aggravating. Each and every world felt like a slap across Harry’s face, and every look was a punch to the gut. </p><p>“You haven’t changed at all, Malfoy.” Harry’s voice sounded so wrong, even to him. </p><p>He didn’t even realise how much his chest was hurting. It wasn’t from anger this time, no, it was the same low thrum of emotional pain he felt just before he sobbed his heart out only a few hours ago. Something was wrong.</p><p>“Did you really think I did?” Malfoy sneered. </p><p>All the walls were up. </p><p>This Malfoy in front of him was a near perfect image of what he remembered in Hogwarts years. It wasn’t an unknown Malfoy anymore, it was the same Draco Malfoy who stalked the halls like a king, who bullied his friends relentlessly, a coward. Harry almost cried at the familiarity. </p><p>It made his next action a lot easier.</p><p>“<em>Stupefy</em>!” Harry’s wand was up, pointing at Malfoy square in the chest.</p><p>“<em>Protego</em>!” Malfoy was quick, he dodged away and found shelter behind the kitchen wall. “<em>Expelliarmus</em>.”</p><p>Harry put up his shield, and hid behind the chair. “<em>Flipendo</em>.” But his aim was off and hit the wall instead.</p><p>"<em>I</em><em>mpedimenta</em>!” Malfoy’s wand shot out.</p><p>Harry felt his body slow down. He willed the jinx to end faster. “<em>Flipendo</em>!” The incantation reached normal speed halfway through.</p><p>Malfoy dodged just in time. “<em>Steleus</em>!”</p><p>Harry dodged, just barely. The quick movement brought a sharp pain just above his stomach. He was still healing, and this duel was a stupid idea. Yet, he continued on. </p><p>“<em>Alarte</em> <em>ascendare</em>!”</p><p>Malfoy, distracted by Harry’s flinch in pain, was hit with the spell. He shot up in the air, barely missing the ceiling, and fell. He landed on his knees, then fell forward, holding himself up with his hands. He gasped, then pointed his wand right at Harry.</p><p>“<em>Locomotor</em> <em>wibbly</em>.”</p><p>Malfoy barely got through the incantation, but Harry’s legs collapsed right underneath him. For seconds, it was just the two of them breathing, gasping for air. The tension in the house was still so high, and the air still sparked with anger.</p><p>Harry slowly got up. He sat on the floor next to the table and faced Malfoy heaving on the kitchen floor. </p><p>“Something grand must’ve happened for me to ever date you.” Harry said, venom laced into his words. “With our history, different sides of the war. The things you family did against mine. I didn’t think I’d ever forgive that, even if I did speak at your trial.”</p><p>Malfoy stayed on the kitchen floor on all fours. He was shaking now, trembling. Harry coughed up a bit of blood. Wiping his hands on his trousers, he tried to calm down his breathing.</p><p>“Damn it.” </p><p>Suddenly, Malfoy was at his side, checking him. Either Harry was losing his sense of perception or the pain was becoming too distracting to notice. Yet there Malfoy was, casting simple diagnostic spells on Harry even though they had just fought.</p><p>Harry moved his head slightly, and saw unknown Malfoy again. This new Draco Malfoy, boyfriend to unknown Harry, friends to unknown people. Harry watched as Malfoy moved above him, carefully checking him. </p><p>Harry wanted to hold his breath and stop time so he could think. So that he could have a proper reply to the way Malfoy was looking at him. Despite the sunken eyes, messy hair, and exhausted body, he looked at Harry like he was everything. There was too much love in it. Too much affection. It was too much.</p><p>He couldn’t handle it. </p><p>“I don’t.” Harry whispered, moving his eyes away from Malfoy’s face and onto the ceiling. </p><p>Malfoy stopped and looked at Harry in confusion. He tilted his head and asked, “You don’t what?”</p><p>Harry closed his eyes and begged his heart to stop aching. His heart was crying, he could feel it, and his mind had stopped moving completely. Something was wrong, the words he was saying felt like cotton stuffed into his mouth. It felt like soap bubbles filling up his throat. </p><p>“I don’t love you.”</p><p>It had to be true. Because how could he love the person in front of him? The man from his childhood? The man who took so many good memories from his grasp? It just had to be true. So why did his body scream out ‘LIAR!’ His heart yearned to be closer, to take the words back from the air before they reached Malfoy’s ears.</p><p>Harry gulped and finally looked at Malfoy and was surprised by his reaction. It was a soft sad smile, and tears were brimming at his eyes. </p><p>And Malfoy just nodded, and whispered, “I know.” </p><p>“I’m sorry.” </p><p>Harry didn’t know what he was apologising for, but he felt the need to. Even as Malfoy got up, and moved towards the living room, Harry reached for him. </p><p>What Harry realised just then was that the only thing that forgot anything from the past 5 years was his mind. His body still remembered it all.</p><p>Harry heard voices from the living room, and then the swooshes of the floo. Suddenly remembering the food, he cast a wandless stasis charm on it. </p><p>Whoever the guests were, hopefully they didn’t mind Harry just casually on the floor with bloody trousers and blood dripping from his mouth. </p><p>More talking occured, and finally footsteps found their way to Harry. </p><p>“Harry! What happened?” Hermione was instantly next to him. </p><p>Ron cast a patronus, and told it to find healer Tina and to come to Autumn Avenue quickly. The russell-terrier bounded through the air and through the window, startling a very quiet and watchful Isolt.</p><p>“There was a duel. Forgot I came out of the hospital today. Y’know, the usual.” Harry joked.</p><p>It fell flat on everyone’s ears. Malfoy sighed in defeat, and raised his arms up in amazement. </p><p>“A mad man!” Malfoy exclaimed, and walked back into the kitchen.</p><p>The sound of a kettle boiling, and clinks of mugs hit their ears as they waited for healer Tina to come back. Harry wanted to talk to Ron and Hermione, but he didn’t know where to begin. Honestly, he just wanted to sleep. </p><p>Hermione and Ron stayed in silence. Even when Malfoy came through, giving everyone their respective teas, no words of thanks were given. </p><p>Harry wanted to drink his, but he didn’t fancy the taste of blood mixed in. It smelt divine though. It helped distract him from the growing pain right above his stomach. It wasn’t a sharp pain anymore, it was a distant ache. He no longer wanted to cough, but once Harry opened his mouth to say anything, Hermione, Ron and even Malfoy shot him a look that said, “Nope. Shut up.”</p><p>Finally, the floo roared and the familiar high heel footsteps of healer Tina bounced off the walls.</p><p>She stopped in front of the 4 of them. 3 sipping tea, and a man with blood on him on the floor. Tina rubbed her temple and sighed. </p><p>“Let’s fix you up.” </p><p>Harry shot her a grateful smile.</p><p> </p><p>*****</p><p>Harry woke up the next day feeling a million times better than he had when he fell asleep. Eyes blinking awake, he patted at the table next to him for his glasses. Finding them, he yawned, and put them on.</p><p>Somehow, Harry had woken up in a bed when he distinctly remembered he fell asleep on the floor. He sat up, and looked around. This must’ve been the bedroom unknown Malfoy and unknown Harry had shared. Laundry basket in the corner, drawers and closets pushed against the wall. </p><p>He got up, and walked into the bathroom. Begrudgingly, he began to get ready for the day. Finding clothes somewhere amongst the wardrobes, guessing his toothbrush was the strikingly deep Gryffindor red that bordered on obnoxious, he finally got there. </p><p>While walking down the stairs, he could smell the pasta from last night. His stomach rumbled and he remembered that he’d barely gotten more than 3 bites before the argument broke out. He groaned at the memory. What was he thinking? But he felt he was well within his right to have been angry. He just knew starting the duel might’ve been a tad, just a tiny little tad, too far.</p><p>Under a stasis charm, the food awaited patiently for Harry. He looked around for Isolt, but she was nowhere to be found. However, the window was open, and he knew how smart owls were. He tried to quell the tiny bit of worry for Isolt, and started eating breakfast.</p><p>Malfoy was not in the house, by what he could hear. There was no humming or cooking or noises from anywhere but the scrape of his spoon against the plate. Not that he cared though. </p><p>Despite not caring, he walked through the kitchen and the living room just to be sure. He almost decided to check the rooms upstairs until a note on the kitchen counter caught his attention. Harry picked it up and read it.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Harry Potter, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> If you happen to wonder where I am, I’ve gone to work. Contact Ron or Hermione if you need, or send a patronus my way. Healer Tina informed me last night that she would be busy, so if you’re in dire need, use the emergency floo line.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> There’s lunch ready for you in the fridge. It’s nice served cold. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> DM.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>A small hint of regret made its presence known as he reread the letter. Unknown Malfoy was still nice, albeit a bit more cold than yesterday. It was fair though, Harry had been a little bit of a git. </p><p>His thoughts started a war between himself. One side supportive of Harry’s judgement and actions of last night, the other, not so much. Pros and cons shot arrows at each other. It was giving him a migraine.</p><p>He decided tea would be the solution, as it always is.</p><p>A few minutes, one steaming cup of earl grey tea, and a soothed mind later, he walked over to the boxes of picture frames. Fear and anticipation filled his entire body. There would be a lot to go through in there, a lot to handle, and Harry knew it would be too much.</p><p>But if he had to choose between too much or nothing at all, he’d go with too much.</p><p>There were thousands of them. Tiny small frames the size of his palm to grand frames that were the size of his torso. The clench of his heart never went away as he quickly skimmed over each one, unpacking them with the utmost care, and laying them on the floor.</p><p>The third box and final box to be opened contained ones that seemed to make Harry want to cry, vomit and scream at the same time. Each and every single one were just him and one other person. Most of them were Malfoy and Harry, but there were others. Harry and Ron, Harry and Hermione, even ones with an unknown Parkinson and Zabini. </p><p>There were three left to unpack, face down. Harry blinked the tears away from his eyes. He flexed and unflexed his hands, trying to calm the shake that seemed to grow. </p><p>The first of the last, was of Harry and a toddler. He couldn’t tell what colour the toddler’s hair was or what words he was saying, but Harry held him. The toddler sat high on his hip despite seeming to be too big for that. The way Harry looked at the toddler… There was something about it, something that he knew he would only save for that one.</p><p>The second was of Malfoy and the toddler. There was no Harry in this one. The toddler was giggling, sitting high on Malfoy’s shoulders. Malfoy was looking up at him, not caring about how tightly the kid’s hold was on his hair. It was so sweet. This moment captured seemed to calm him down a bit from the overwhelming situation.</p><p>The last was of all three of them. The kid in the middle, swinging as unknown Harry and Malfoy lifted him up. He watched it three times before realising the change in the sepia tones of the kid’s hair. </p><p>Holy shit.</p><p>It was Teddy.</p><p>His grip tightened in the picture frame. How could he not realise? But by god, 5 years feel like an eternity when it comes to the growth of a kid. He was just a baby last time he remembered, but here he was, smiling and jumping and walking like a kid. </p><p>He wanted to see him this intant. To hug him and hold him and hear him tell him stories of just about anything and everything. Harry was up and walking to the floo before he stopped. Did Teddy know he’d forgotten the past 5 years with him? What if he didn’t like Harry anymore because he’d changed?</p><p>Cold fear ran down his spine.</p><p>No. He’ll try and get some sort of memory first before visiting him. He wanted to know, to be, the person Teddy was laughing and smiling with in those photos. </p><p>Determined, he walked right back to the dining room, floor covered in framed moments of time. He held each one with care, analysing each face. Some of them he knew, some of them he didn’t. Yet he looked at each one with a close eye, waiting for a hint of some sort of memory to come through. But none did.</p><p>Hours were spent in silence. Even the frames didn’t dare knock into one another. Everything was so fragile, from Harry’s heart to the quiet of the house. </p><p>He discovered a lot of things though. Ginny and Luna were married from their matching rings in several photos. Theodore Nott, Neville, and surprisingly Gregory Goyle were in a relationship. Some photos just two would be holding hands, other times kisses on cheeks and winks were captured in the moving photos. He was amazed, but they all looked happy, so he was too.</p><p>Pansy Parkinson and Blaise Zabini were not dating, but seemed to be very close. They got along with so many people, easy smiles and cheering of glasses shone through every photo they were in. It was incredible. </p><p>Andromeda hadn’t aged a day. Her face was still shone with youth just as it had done all those years ago. Her smiles were bright, and her eyes had a sense of peace in them. He held back all the tears that threatened to take over. He told himself he wouldn’t break down again, not like yesterday.</p><p>Everyone was the same, yet different. A sense of familiarity was the only thing he gained from going through the pictures. His mind couldn’t place it, the reasons or the logic as to why everyone was moving so well together, but he just knew they would. </p><p>It was extremely confusing, but also comforting.</p><p>Isolt still wasn’t back, Harry realised as he looked over to her corner. The window was still open wide, gusts of air pushed through encouraging Harry to breathe in slowly. </p><p>He looked back at the photos. It was him, but at the same time, it wasn’t. There was still so much to rediscover about himself and who he hung out with.</p><p>There were still the journals and diaries in his office to read through, folders too, but he assumed most of them were work related. Then there would also be newspaper articles. He groaned at the thought, both annoyed and elated with the fact his life would continue to be documented for the public to see. </p><p>Thankfully, he had all the time in the world. Kingsley was very understanding, giving Harry time off to heal from his ‘extensive injuries,’ as Tina had told him. Harry wondered if Kingsley knew of his absent memories, knowing Ron’s files would recount it all, but if Kingsley knew, he didn’t let on. </p><p>Too riled up to pack the pictures back in their boxes, he near-sprinted upstairs to the table. He needed to get his memories back, no matter what. For Teddy, for Ron, Hermione, Luna, Ginny, Malfoy… But most of all for himself. There was too much tightness, too much tension in every movement, every word he’s said since he woke up. </p><p>Once seated in his office, the window opened to let the air in, he started reading. The diaries were marked with dates of interviews, meetings, and speeches like he expected. But as he flipped through, those started to occur less and less. In their place were things like ‘Meet up with Neville about plant,’ and ‘Grab Draco’s suit.’ </p><p>He spent hours reading through them, There weren’t that many, even for 5 years. It seemed he’d fall off and forget about the books for weeks, even months, until he started writing in them again. He understood, life seemed to be busy all the time. </p><p>Aside from the diaries, there were journals that held a bit more than one sentence. It wasn’t much, but they held some newspaper clippings of things that Harry seemed to actually be happy about. From Ginny and Luna’s wedding article to the ‘The Coming Out of Ronald Weasley (and what it could mean for Hermione Granger)’ Harry laughed at that one both then, and now. Regardless of Ron’s sexuality, his love for Hermione is too strong. </p><p>He kept laughing as he went through the Daily Prophet articles, and smiled brightly when he read the Quibbler ones. Luna’s editing was fantastic, taking out the sensationalism out of the articles, and then adding comments on the creatures present. It was glorious to read.</p><p>Harry thought maybe there was a silver lining in losing his memory. </p><p>He could, for the first time again, read the things that made him happy.</p><p> </p><p>*****</p><p>A knock on the door took Harry away from his reading trance. The candle on his desk was lit, and the sky was darker than when he last saw it. He was biting his nails as he was reading, and didn’t notice how jagged they had become.</p><p>Another knock on the door. “Harry? Just checking up on you, are you okay?” </p><p>Malfoy’s voice was muffled slightly through the door, but he could still hear that hint of concern.</p><p>“Yeah, I’m okay!” Harry replied.</p><p>“Dinner will be here soon. Call Isolt home when you come down.” </p><p>Before Harry could reply, Malfoy’s shadow and footsteps moved away from the door. <em> Call Isolt </em>? How do you do that? Wait, had she not yet returned from this morning? The small bit of concern he crushed this morning came back full blast. </p><p>He put down the journal he was reading, doggy tagging where he was up to, and walked to the open window. The sky was dark and the twinkling of stars greeted him. Harry looked around, trying to find Isolt somewhere in the air, but it was too dark.</p><p><em> Do I just call her name? Or do I hoot? </em>He thought to himself.</p><p>Deciding he’d rather be embarrassed with himself than lose another loved pet, he leaned out the window, almost halfway out. Then he cupped his hands around his mouth and called. </p><p>“Isoooolt!”</p><p>His shout echoed and slightly shifted through the wards. Harry waited, halfway out a window on the second floor. There were no flaps of wings or hoots he could hear yet. He tried again. </p><p>And nothing.</p><p>Harry bent down and leant on the window pane, face in his arms. He kept thinking of something else he could do. How do you call an owl? Hedwig just came when Harry needed or when she wanted. Harry knew Isolt would be different, there’s no replacing a loved one, but Isolt was beginning to grow on him. </p><p>He groaned into his arms as he tried even harder to think. He could go downstairs and ask Malfoy, but then he’d definitely make fun of him for calling Isolt like that. Harry decided he wasn’t ready for that again, remembering the duel from last night.</p><p>Then he heard a soft hoot from on top of him. Then he started to notice the feel of talons on his head. Isolt was on his head. Huh. </p><p><em> Okay, if I move she’ll just go on my shoulder right?  </em>Wrong.</p><p>Harry stood up and while Isolt flew for a second, she only landed on top of his head once more. He put his arm in front of him for Isolt to land on, but she stayed perched on his head. He tried to look up at Isolt, and Isolt was only looking back down at him and tilted her head.</p><p>He couldn’t have stopped the sudden onslaught of laughter even if he wanted to. He felt it shoot up from the bottom of his feet to the top of his chest. It lasted about 5 straight minutes, and through it all, Isolt stayed perched proudly on his head.</p><p>“You’re not going to get off my head, are you?” Harry asked as he caught his breath.</p><p>A single hoot in reply, and Harry knew. </p><p>Even so, he’d much prefer to know Isolt was safe and on his head, than anywhere else and not. </p><p>He closed his eyes and took a moment to think of Hedwig, and if she was okay where pets go after they die. He thought of an owlery, or an open forest filled with all the mice and owl treats they’d want. He imagined Hedwig making friends and flying so far into the sky she could almost touch it. </p><p>Harry breathed in deeply at the vision, and held his breath. He put all his feelings into a tight ball in his chest. His love, regret, sadness, pain, admiration, all of it. Then he breathed back out slowly turning all of it into forgiveness for himself. It was okay. It was okay to have another pet. It was okay to have Isolt. </p><p>It wasn’t completely over, but it was a start. Harry felt his soul breathe just a little bit better.</p><p> </p><p>*****</p><p>After about half an hour, give or take, Harry and Isolt walked down the stairs into the dining room only to find the picture frames still all over the floor. He looked at Isolt’s corner, but she didn’t move off his head. Before he could tell her to go, Malfoy’s voice rang out.</p><p>“In here!” </p><p>It was coming from the living room. Intrigued, he moved to the living room, trying to flatten his shirt in case some guests had arrived. But when he got there, Malfoy was just putting takeout on the table and sitting on one of the chairs surrounding it.</p><p>Malfoy looked up, and smiled at Harry. It wasn’t a genuine smile per say, but it wasn’t malicious either. The closest thing he could say was that it was polite. He began to open up the array of takeout containers, and the smell of a mix of spices filled the room.</p><p>“Oh Merlin, is that tikka masala?” Harry asked as he moved to sit down on the chair opposite Malfoy.</p><p>Malfoy nodded a response, still smiling. It wasn’t just tikka masala though, it seemed to be different cuisine takeouts, from the tikka masala to honey chicken to pork in a lovely sweet sauce. </p><p>Harry didn’t realise just how hungry he was. He was so busy with his office and the picture frames that hunger didn’t seem important. Now it was the only thing on his mind.</p><p>Malfoy gestured for Harry to eat. Harry picked up one of the disposable bowls and a plastic spork and started grabbing a bit of each food. The smell of each dish was amazing alone, but together it was intoxicating. </p><p>After Harry got his food, Malfoy got his. It was just as silent as the dinner was last night, but it wasn’t tense or uncomfortable. Harry recognised that Malfoy seemed worn out. The kind of worn out that comes after a hard day at work. Harry himself was starting to feel it. </p><p>He took a risk. “Hard day at work, Malfoy?” </p><p>Malfoy looked startled for a brief millisecond. He swallowed his food and nodded. “It was one of the worst, there’s this customer who keeps telling me I give him the wrong potions. Says I give him a calming draught instead of a sleeping draught.” Malfoy scoffed. “Those two are as different as your hands and feet.” </p><p>Harry watched as Malfoy took out a bit of his anger on the food, chewing with a glare. Harry felt the side of his lips twitch into a smile. </p><p>“You work in potions?”</p><p>Malfoy scanned him for a moment, then answered. “Yes, but I believe you already knew that. You were busy in your office, I assume you saw some of the articles about it…” </p><p>In a way, Malfoy was right. Harry did know he worked in potions, set up his own apothecary and is quite well known for it these days. He did not, however, know how it opened up or that it was in the Daily Prophet more than once.</p><p>Harry decided not to push with the questions though. He’d learnt a decent amount today, there was no need to push Malfoy and end up with another duel. </p><p>“Can I see it? Maybe I’ll get some memories while I’m there.” </p><p>Harry continued eating a lot slower than when he started. He watched Malfoy, still trying to get a gauge on who unknown Malfoy was. </p><p>“Uh, sure. Wait, Harry, does that mean no memories have come?” </p><p>Malfoy put his food down on the table. It wasn’t completely finished, but he ate more than yesterday. Harry, on the other hand, gripped his bowl tighter. </p><p>“No… Nothing came today.” </p><p>“Nothing at all?” </p><p>Harry looked down at the floor and shook his head. To be honest, he didn’t know how to feel. One on hand, reading bits and pieces, and watching seconds of sepia tones replay over and over again was actually a grand experience after he got over the sadness of forgetting it all. </p><p>On the other hand, nothing came back when he went through it all. The goal he wanted to achieve was not completed, and despite thoroughly enjoying the journey, the destination was nowhere in sight.</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>Harry could hear the frown in Malfoy’s voice.</p><p>“I’m so-” </p><p>“Why are you apologising?” </p><p>Harry looked up at Malfoy. Malfoy’s tone of voice was so questioning it was almost authoritative. It threw Harry off. </p><p>“Not… remembering?” Even Harry knew it was a weak excuse.</p><p>“It’s not your fault. It’s no one’s fault.” Malfoy’s voice was back to the calmness it was before. “Bad situations seem to have a thing for us, don’t they?”</p><p>Harry chortled. “Yeah, they really do.” </p><p>Harry smiled at Malfoy. A proper smile this time, because he definitely deserved it. A small thought appeared in his mind, one that said that maybe, just maybe, having Malfoy as a boyfriend was a good call. Malfoy gave Harry a proper smile back. Harry didn’t know he missed it until he saw it.</p><p>“Harry, is it a good time to ask why Isolt is still on your head?” </p><p>Harry felt heat rushing to his neck. Oh Merlin, how’d he forget Isolt was up there. Truthfully, she hadn’t moved at all, and then he was distracted by the food, and then Malfoy was being actually pretty okay. It’s been a busy hour, okay?</p><p>“Well, I called her like you asked.” Harry started.</p><p>Malfoy smirked and mumbled, “Oh, I think Hogwarts heard you.”</p><p>“And she landed on my head, and she hasn’t gotten off since. She won’t go on my shoulders or my arm, or her cage.” Harry looked up as Isolt, and Isolt looked back just like before.</p><p>“Harry Potter, saviour of the wizarding world, can’t get his pet owl off his head.” Malfoy deadpanned.</p><p>Despite the words, Harry had a feeling the status title drop was a joke, so he let it slide. “Malfoy, she hasn’t moved has she?”</p><p>“Nope. She’s been sitting on your head proudly since you came in. To be honest, I thought she’d get bored and fly off…” Malfoy grabbed his bowl again and started eating, watching Isolt like a movie.</p><p>“Can you help me?” Harry asked politely. </p><p>Malfoy looked at him and continued chewing then swallowed. </p><p>“Please?”</p><p>That made Malfoy sigh, and put down his food. “Fine.” </p><p>Malfoy moved over to Harry’s side. Harry stayed still as Malfoy leaned over, gently petting Isolt into moving onto his arm instead of Harry’s head. Malfoy’s leg bumped into Harry’s, and his breath stopped for a moment. With a sharp nose, he realised that Malfoy still smelt like potions brewing. It reminded him of potions class, but with a lighter, softer tone to it all. </p><p>Finally, Malfoy moved away, Isolt perched happily on his arm. The way Malfoy looked at Isolt was heartwarming. He was so careful and gentle with her. Harry didn’t realise he hadn’t seen them interact before, but the way they were right now showed there wasn’t a single doubt that Malfoy deeply cared for and loved Isolt.</p><p>“Let’s get you back, shall we?” Malfoy said to Isolt and he pet her gently.</p><p>Isolt hooted softly, and flew out the room. Harry assumed that the rattle sound was Isolt in her cage.</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>Malfoy nodded, and sat back on the other side of the table.</p><p>“Harry, Molly came today. They’ve heard you’re back from St Mungo’s. She planned a celebration in two weeks.” Malfoy sighed and rubbed his face tiredly. “Actually, she wanted to make it Friday but I told her you’re still recovering.”</p><p>Harry was thankful Malfoy did that. He wasn’t sure if he’d be able to handle a party at the Burrow so soon, but two weeks was manageable. He could do something, maybe get a few memories by then. </p><p>Two weeks would mark 2 months since he woke up and forgot everything from the past 5 years. He didn’t realise he spent so long in St Mungo’s. Time there didn’t feel real. But it was expected. Tina said sometimes he slept for days in between counter-obliviate sessions. </p><p>Harry realised the hands that held his while he slept was Malfoy’s. Harry quickly put that thought away for later. There was another pressing matter at hand.</p><p>“Who will be there?” </p><p>“The entire Weasley family minus Bill and Charlie, Luna, Hermione…”</p><p>“Is Neville coming?”</p><p>“Um, yes. Molly told me she invited him.” </p><p>“That means Nott and Goyle are coming too, right? And Parkinson and Zabini?” </p><p>Malfoy faltered slightly. “Harry, I know you don’t remember them, so if I told them they couldn’t go they would understand. If you don’t want them there then-”</p><p>“No! No,” Harry pleaded. “Bring them there. It’ll be better to get it over with, and it’s a controlled environment anyway, right? I can just floo home if I’m overwhelmed.”</p><p>Malfoy looked at Harry, scanning for anything that would hint of a lie. But nothing did. “Okay. Okay, fine. But Harry, you have to promise me that the moment it becomes overwhelming for you, you find me, okay?”</p><p>Harry didn’t know how to feel about that. Usually, he’d just leave the place himself. But Malfoy looked at him like this promise was the most important thing in the world to him. Harry nodded. </p><p>“Okay. I promise I’ll find you if it becomes overwhelming.” </p><p> </p><p>*****</p><p>The two weeks passed by much of the same. Malfoy either cooked or bought takeout. Harry offered to cook once, but Malfoy stared at him blankly until he stepped out of the kitchen. Harry wasn’t sure why, Harry was a fantastic cook and honestly he missed cooking a lot, and the kitchen slowly started calling to him.</p><p>They also visited Malfoy’s apothecary once during the two weeks. It wasn’t for very long as once it was opened, customers kept coming in and gawking at Harry Potter. Harry apologised profusely to Malfoy before leaving. Malfoy just shook his head and whispered, “Great for business.” </p><p>Harry laughed at that. A long time ago, he would’ve hated it, but Malfoy’s been lighter on the jokes. In fact, he was genuinely funny and had a good sense of humour once you figured it out. </p><p>After the apothecary visit, the Daily Prophet had a field day. Throwing out conspiracy theories as to why ‘The Boy Who Lived to Hide.’ Harry didn’t even get through half of the article before he <em> incendio’ </em>d it, startling Isolt. </p><p>But tonight was the grand celebration at the Burrow. No one has contacted him yet except for Ron and Hermione. Molly hasn’t sent an owl, nor has Neville. He wondered if everyone was gonna be there or if some had other plans.</p><p>Harry stood there, looking at the mess of clothes on his bed. He had absolutely no clue what to wear for a celebration. Usually, celebrations called for semi-formal like that in the Ministry, but it was with the Weasley’s so surely it would be casual, right? So he tried for smart casual, a mix of the two, but nothing coordinated well together. </p><p>“Malfoy!” He called out, hoping this wasn’t a bad idea.</p><p>“Yeah?” A shout from downstairs.</p><p>“I need your help!”</p><p>Quick footsteps, border on running, resounded out the door until Malfoy appeared. Harry looked at him and then rubbed his face in exasperation. Malfoy looked normal, casual with a touch of not trying too hard. It was slightly infuriating. </p><p>“Clothes, right?” </p><p>Harry, face still in his hands, just nodded. He could just imagine the smirk on Malfoy’s face as he walked to stand next to Harry and looked upon the mess of clothes on the bed.</p><p>“Christ, Harry, you’re definitely overthinking this.” </p><p>Harry looked up as Malfoy moved and grabbed a simple red shirt with a golden snitch on it, and black jeans. Malfoy held it out and Harry hesitantly grabbed it. </p><p>“You should just be comfortable,” Malfoy said, with a smile.</p><p>Then he walked out the room, and Harry just watched him. That was weird. For some reason, Harry’s heart was beating out of his chest. The way Malfoy looked, the clothes he chose, the smile and his words, it really made his heart race. </p><p>Once out of the weird trance, Harry cast a tempus. Fuck, they had to leave soon. Harry quickled got changed and ready.</p><p>He quickly ran downstairs to the floo where Malfoy was patiently waiting. Before Harry could grab some powder, Malfoy stopped him. </p><p>“Remember the promise?” </p><p>Harry nodded. “If it’s overwhelming, I’ll find you.” </p><p>Malfoy took a deep breath and sighed. “Okay, ready?”</p><p>“Yep!” </p><p>Harry was filled with anticipation and nervousness. There was every single way this could go wrong, but also every opportunity for this to go so right. He was ready.</p><p>He grabbed a handful of powder and stepped in. “The Burrow!” Malfoy watched as Harry was engulfed by the green flames. </p><p> </p><p>*****</p><p>As Harry walked through the floo and into the Burrow, Harry realised he fucked up. Did they know his memory was gone? Would they still be expecting the Harry they’d gotten used to, and not the one with memory loss?</p><p>Harry stood still, thankful that everyone was still really busy with each other and not noticing Harry yet. Malfoy appeared next to him, and put his hand on his shoulder. Harry immediately narrowed in on the touch. They haven’t really touched, unless you count accidental bumps. They kept their distance from each other, but this touch was definitely with purpose. </p><p>“Are you okay?” Malfoy’s voice broke through him. </p><p>Harry turned and looked at Malfoy. His eyes were filled with worry. </p><p>“Yeah, I’m okay. It’s just… Do they know about my memory?” </p><p>Malfoy visibly relaxed and took his hand off Harry's shoulder. Harry felt the difference. He decided to put that thought in for later. Thoughts for later seemed to pile up. </p><p>“Yeah, they know. Ron, Hermione and I decided it would be easier if they had time to come to terms with it themselves before the celebration. I’m surprised it took you this long to ask.” </p><p>Harry was thankful, though a little annoyed at the slight jab. But Malfoy just smiled back at him, and started walking towards the group of people. </p><p>Harry followed.</p><p>He expected a grand welcoming one way or another, but it didn’t happen. The group just nodded, some saying hi, others nodding hello. They were all surrounding the table filled to the brim with food. Malfoy wasn’t kidding when he told Harry not to eat too much leading up to the dinner. </p><p>Looking around, he realised a lot of the people he was most anxious to meet weren’t there. Theodore Nott and Gregory Goyle were nowhere to be found. Pansy Parkinson was talking to a very intrigued Hermione. Harry heard from Arthur that Blaise Zabini would be coming late due to some happenings at work. Neville Longbottom was there, talking to Ron about Hogwarts.</p><p>A person zoomed by in his peripherals, and with a pounding heart, he realised it was Teddy. Blue haired tiny kid with a snitch plushie in his hand. Andromeda was there too, and she smiled softly at Harry and waved. Harry kinda maybe wanted to cry. </p><p>Teddy was running around, snitch plushie in hand, like nothing meant more than that toy and his speed. Harry wanted to hug him tightly, let him know he missed him and that things would be okay as soon as he remembered. But Harry didn’t want to bring that smile away from his face, so with a will stronger than he thought he had, he continued to look around.</p><p>Everyone was chatting amongst each other, everyone at peace. It seemed, for a moment, that everything was normal. That this was familiar, but it was just a feeling, not a memory. He couldn’t recall a single time something like this would have happened, but it was okay. It was okay. It <em> was </em>okay, right? </p><p>He turned his head and looked at Malfoy who was eyeing all of the guests. For a heartbreaking second, Harry thought Malfoy was on bad terms with everyone. Then he realised that he was reminding them of something. Harry looked back around at how nonchalant everyone was acting. </p><p>Harry realised with a swell in his heart that Malfoy told them all not to overwhelm him.</p><p>Luna popped up beside him, with Malfoy disappearing into a hushed conversation with Ginny. </p><p>“Hello, Harry. My, you’ve changed, haven’t you?” Her voice was as wispy as he remembered.</p><p>“Hi, Luna. Uh, yeah. Malfoy chose these clothes, I was a mess trying to figure it out.” Harry scratched the back of his head.</p><p>“Oh, I don’t mean like that. With your memory gone, you feel much younger.” </p><p>Harry decided not to question it, though in a way, Luna was right. “Thank you. So, how have you been? What are you doing these days?” </p><p>Luna told him all about her life in the past 5 years. They moved around a bit until they sat on the couch, Luna still recalling important parts of her life to things that were more of a flavour text of sorts. </p><p>Harry learnt that Luna wasn’t working with creatures anymore, she was looking into wandmaking after a dream she had about Mr Ollivander. She was working under him, learning about the different cores to the woods, from lengths to designs. She found she loved it a lot more than the creatures, though a part of that would always be in her heart. She still edited for the Quibbler one the side, but more people had come to them for a job, so she wasn’t needed as intensely as before. Her father’s quite ecstatic about it. </p><p>Harry noticed that Molly, Arthur, Andromeda and Teddy were going to the backyard. Teddy was jumping up, as if he was practicing catching a real snitch. It made his heart bloom.</p><p>Ginny arrived towards the end of Luna’s 5 year catchup, sitting next to her. She slipped her hands into Luna’s and held on. The wedding ring glinting on Ginny’s hand. </p><p>“Congratulations on your wedding, by the way! I am so sorry I don’t remember anything about it.” Harry cringed internally at himself with that fact.</p><p>But Luna and Ginny just started laughing softly. </p><p>“Oh, it’s fine, Harry. We could tell you all about that day if you want?” </p><p>Ginny looked excited to recount that day, and Luna just rolled her eyes affectionately while looking at her wife. Harry swallowed the lump that formed at his throat at the pure adoration they had for each other, and nodded.</p><p>It started out normally. Ginny recalling the moments of the actual wedding. Ginny’s best man was Neville, apparently. While Luna’s best man was Malfoy. They recalled how asking them had been a mix of horror and awe. Both of them were excited to be it, while intensely stressing about what it meant. On the day, both Neville and Malfoy did their jobs wonderfully.</p><p>But when it came to the reception, that’s when it got hectic. Ginny would recall someone setting off fireworks early, only for Luna to say they actually went off late. It was getting a little confusing. </p><p>“And when the waiters gave out the food, <em> someone </em> tried to hit on each and every one of them.”</p><p>“No, I didn’t! I was very picky that night,” George chimed in, then went back to his conversation with Arthur.</p><p>“Oh, but that’s not all,” Ginny continued, completely ignoring George. “Ron was really stressed that day, so he was eating more than usual. He kept asking for more food.”</p><p>“Ginny, I wanted more firewhiskey, not food!” Ron chimed in.</p><p>“No, Ron, I distinctly remember it was both.” Blaise Zabini’s deep voice rang through as he brushed the soot off his clothes and walked towards Neville.</p><p>“And so he got more food,” Ginny plowed through. “And then the dessert table was open!”</p><p>“Yeah, and Harry went straight for the treacle tart, didn’t he?” Neville added from the dinner table.</p><p>Harry laughed, a slight blush on his face.</p><p>“I thought he went for the apple pie with treacle ice cream?” Parkinson spoke up from next to Hermione. </p><p>“Don’t forget he got 3 chocolate frogs!” George chimed.</p><p>“And once that dessert table was open, Ron practically sprinted to it.” Ginny kept talking, not responding to anyone, but she did give them time to respond.</p><p>“You’re so lucky the wedding cake wasn’t on that table.” Hermione piped in, smirking at Ron’s astonished face.</p><p>“I wouldn’t have touched the cake, you know me!” Ron said, appalled.</p><p>“Yes, but I don’t think you would’ve noticed the cake at all with how quickly you put things into your mouth.” Malfoy added with a shake of his head,</p><p>“It was a great night, either way. Oh, by the way, when mum and dad danced, it was one hell of a sight.” Ginny said.</p><p>Pretty much everyone groaned at that. Harry was pretty sure he heard Ron say, “And that’s why I wanted whiskey.”</p><p>“Wait, what was the dancing?” Harry asked, amazed at how pretty much everyone looked like they wanted to forget.</p><p>“It was one hell of an experience. Think of it this way,” Ginny looked like she was trying to find the right words. “The both of them were heavily intoxicated, and Celestina Warbeck’s hit single Cauldron Full of Hot Strong Love started playing.” </p><p>Ron's face was still in his hands, but he was shaking his head now, mumbling words like, “Oh Merlin,” and “My eyes.” </p><p>Parkinson and Hermione were just watching Ron with a sense of amusement, and Neville and Zabini were just eating, watching everyone with an amused smile.</p><p>Ginny, living in the suspense she was building up, continued. “And then they-”</p><p>“AND THEN THEY MADE ME SING WITH THEM!” Ron yelled, then immediately covered his mouth, shocked at his outburst.</p><p>"YOU RUINED MY MOMENT!" Ginny shouted.</p><p>Everyone burst out laughing as Ginny motioned cutting Ron's neck while Ron’s face slowly matched his hair. </p><p>Harry didn’t know the dance, but he definitely knew the song. He couldn’t imagine Ron singing it at all, let alone at a wedding reception with his parents beside him. </p><p>Once Ginny finished laughing, she went straight back to it. “Oh man, but you’d think that was it, right? Ron got the easy part, he just had to lip sing.” </p><p>“Easy part?!” Ron whispered, looking at Hermione and Parkinson who were still laughing.</p><p>“Mum and dad were the <em> dancers </em>. And-”</p><p>But she was cut off with a smack to her head. </p><p>“Not another word out of your mouth about that,” Molly adamanted. “Out of all the things to talk about, it had to be that moment.” She shook her head and starting walking back to the kitchen.</p><p>Arthur was at the entryway of the room, his face in a cringe. </p><p>Ginny apologised, but once Arthur and Molly were out of the room she quickly finished. “And they completed the dance perfectly. I wish I could forget it.” </p><p>Everyone began laughing again. Even Harry laughed too, maybe his memory being gone wasn’t <em> too </em> bad if everything could be recalled like that. </p><p>The conversation ended quickly after that. Ginny and Luna were talking to each other now, and everyone else had started going back to their respective conversations. Then he watched as Zabini fist-bumped Neville and walked over to Malfoy talking to George. </p><p>With haste, Harry walked over to Neville. Neville was one of the many who had changed a lot throughout the past 5 years. He wanted to know his development too.</p><p>“Hey, Neville. How’ve you been?”</p><p>“Hey, Harry. I’ve been doing great. Hogwarts has been great, oh and guess what,” Neville said with a bright smile.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I’m head of Gryffindor!”</p><p>Pride swelled in his chest. He could recall the Neville from 1st year, high in doubt, low in self esteem, now he’s head of Gryffindor. “Neville, that’s great! I’m so happy for you.”</p><p>Neville’s smile never left his face. “Thank you. It’s old news, about 2 years, but I’ll never get sick of telling people. I’m glad I got to tell you again.”</p><p>Harry was touched by that. “Can’t imagine any other professor getting that role. Look at you, Herbology professor AND head of Gryffindor.” He was immensely proud of Neville. “So, how’s Nott and Goyle? I heard you’re dating them?” </p><p>Neville’s smile got even brighter if that was possible. He nodded. “Yeah, for about 3 and a half years? They’re amazing, I could talk about them all day.” </p><p>“They better be treating you well, or I’ll fight them.” Harry said, dead serious.</p><p>But Neville didn’t take it, he just laughed. “No need, they treat me like a king.” Neville kept smiling. “And I, them.”</p><p>“Good,” Harry said as he started getting some food from the table and into his plate.</p><p>“Y’know Harry, I was so worried about it at first. How could I have such intense feelings for both of them? How could it work? But it did, and it is, and I love it.”</p><p>“What’re they doing these days?”</p><p>“Oh, Nott’s an author, he’s written a lot of books. All that romance stuff. ‘Easy for him to do,’ he says. ‘I’ve got two boyfriends.’ Goyle works in a repair shop in Hogsmeade. He repairs enchanted stuff like charmed mirrors and picture frames that got all weird, but he’s also really good at making things.” </p><p>Harry listened in awe and Neville continued on about his relationship. How they’d meet up at least once a week. They’re schedules weren’t usually synced, but with Hogsmeade trips and Nott’s organisation skills, they made it work. It was lovely to hear, and he was happy for Neville. Really. Everything was going great for him. </p><p>But Harry couldn’t help but feel an ache in his chest grow a little bit more. </p><p>He looked around and saw Ron and Hermione sitting together, looking over the room. It didn’t seem like they were speaking. Then Ron’s eyes landed on Harry, and he beckoned him over. </p><p>Harry walked over, grabbing a spare seat and sat next to Ron.</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“Nothing, just watch, and relax. We thought you’d need a little break.” Ron smiled at him, then looked back.</p><p>It was peaceful, watching the movement of the room from a wall’s perspective. Everyone moved around, catching up and sharing stories they wanted to tell. There were a lot of people, and a lot of stories, but it just worked. It worked so well.</p><p>Harry didn’t need to catch up on Hermione and Ron’s past 5 years. That was one of the things they talked about in the weeks he was in hospital.</p><p>Ron was head auror, and rightfully so. Through training, Ron developed his strategic mind, one Harry knew he had from the beginning with Wizard’s Chess. Ron was careful, and logical, and moved without recklessness compared to Harry’s instincts of ‘now or never.’ Harry couldn’t imagine anyone else being head auror. He knew Ron doubted his qualifications for the role, but Ron was brave, noble and respectful. He was perfect for the position.</p><p>Hermione was Minister of Magic, he knew, and at least he could remember. She was great. She passed law after law that brought the people together. She had a ban on sleeping draughts after the war as people started getting addicted, and the healthcare was more welcoming. Healers got more patients, people got better. She lifted the ban, and nothing went terribly wrong. </p><p>She passed the law for same sex wizard marriages, and created gateways for squibs to be introduced into the magical world, and for wizards to learn about the muggle. Harry was amazed at how much she’d completed in the 5 years. But at the same time, it was Hermione, filled with determination and courage. </p><p>A thought came into his head, and he asked the question before he realised it. “How do you two handle a relationship with your high role jobs?”</p><p>Ron and Hermione turned to him in surprise. Hermione started off first. </p><p>“Well, sometimes I postpone meetings to spend time with him.” Hermione smiled. “It was hard at first. I have a lot of things to do, from meetings to interviews, from speeches to discussions with other wizarding ministries. But we make time, and it’s always worth it.” </p><p>Ron nodded. “Yeah, and sometimes lookouts take days until we get the information we need. There’s no consistency and it’s hard to plan, but I send my patronus to her, telling her I love her and all. Other times, when I get home we plan an instant date.” </p><p>Harry’s heart ached even more, and this time he knew it was on his face.</p><p>“Is everything okay?” Hermione asked, worry all over her face.</p><p>“What? Yeah, everything is okay.” Harry smiled half heartedly. “It’s just everyone has their life figured out, and I must’ve had mine like that too. Now it feels like I’m back at step one.”</p><p>It wasn’t the answer Hermione was looking for, and Harry wasn’t ready to give that answer yet, but he wasn’t lying either.</p><p>“Mate, you got there before, you can do it again. Besides, does it look like you’re gonna do this alone?” Ron gestured to the room.</p><p>Harry looked around at the room. He noticed Malfoy looked up, and smiled at Harry before going back to his conversation with Zabini.</p><p>“Not everyone is here, but we’re all here with you every step of the way. We’re here to help. It’s a shitty situation but, y’know, we can handle it.” Ron smiled and jokingly punched Harry’s arm.</p><p>“We’re always just a call away, you know that, right?” Hermione added.</p><p>“Yeah. I know.” Harry smiled. </p><p>It wasn’t what was really on his mind, but it did make him feel better. Who cares if everyone’s love life was secure and Harry felt insecure and jealous? It’s fine because they’re all still together, still friends.</p><p>But when Ron and Hermione held each other’s hands, and saw Ron squeeze just the tiniest bit, Harry wanted to run.</p><p> </p><p>*****</p><p>A few hours later, everyone was still chatting amongst each other happily. Molly, Arthur, Andromeda and Teddy were back in the room since it was too dark to play outside anymore, despite the <em> lumos maxima. </em> </p><p>He talked to Andromeda for a bit. Harry found out that Andromeda wasn’t working anymore, her vaults being generous enough anyway. He hugged her tightly, and didn’t quite want to let go just yet. But he did, and he just smiled and thanked her for taking care of Teddy.</p><p>Harry finally built up the courage to talk to Teddy, but he was never free. Teddy was bouncing from wall to wall, person to person. One moment, he was with Neville talking about plants and the next he was with Zabini talking about how to pose for a photo. </p><p>It never seemed like the right time to go to Teddy, so he hung around the dinner table. He ate the treacle tart that was put out a few moments ago, savouring the taste. Then Luna popped up next to him.</p><p>“Hey, Harry. Have you seen Ron? Ginny’s looking for him. She’s gonna play Cauldron Full of Hot Strong Love, but he needs to be in the room when she plays it.” She picked up one of the chocolate brownies from the table.</p><p>“No, I haven’t seen him. Do you-”</p><p>“Luna, my love, come here! We need a gameplan.” Ginny’s voice travelled from across the room.</p><p>“I’ll look for him, you go.”</p><p>Luna smiled gratefully at him, and moved over to Ginny. Harry started walking around the house. He checked the kitchens, the bathrooms, all the rooms inside but Ron wasn’t there. </p><p>Harry then looked at the backyard door, and went to it. He was about to open it when he heard Malfoy’s voice.</p><p>“-don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m drowning. I’m worried sick. I’m trying to hide it so he doesn’t worry. There’s already enough on his plate, but I’m so worn out. I don’t know what to do. What if he doesn’t like me anymore? What if he remembers but realises he doesn’t love me anymore?” </p><p>Harry’s hand left the handle, and dropped to his side. </p><p>“He loved you once, he can do it again.” It was Ron’s voice.</p><p>“Yeah, but… It’s <em> me.</em>”</p><p>“That’s why he’ll love you again.”</p><p>Malfoy sighed sadly.</p><p>“I’m sorry.” Ron’s voice was dripping with regret.</p><p>“Why are you apologising?” Malfoy asked, similarly to the way he asked Harry before.</p><p>“Because,” Ron’s voice cracked. “Because it was my fault. If I had just gotten there quicker, if I had just told him to wait, then…” </p><p>There was a sudden noise, and with a heavy heart, Harry realised it was Ron breaking down. Then another noise layered on top. There were whispers, but Harry couldn’t make out the words. Either way, he didn’t need to hear more. </p><p>Ron and Malfoy were crying outside, comforting each other. There were many moments when Harry realised that this entire situation was real, that everything he’d missed out on was real and not some sick joke. This might’ve been the most intense one yet.</p><p>He felt himself sway as he stepped away from the door. He wants to run, or cry, or both. The gift from the heavens she is, Hermione appeared beside him on his way to the kitchen. She held his hand as she led the way. </p><p>Hermione sat down on an empty chair, and motions for Harry to as well. He almost declines, but Hermione says, “You look like you’re able to fall down.” </p><p>So he sits.</p><p>“What happened?” Hermione's voice was gentle, not pushing too much.</p><p>“I still don’t know who I am, that’s what’s happening. No memories have come back yet. I’ve been told stories the entire day about things I should remember, dates that were important, events that meant the world to them. I’m losing my mind, Hermione, and it’s already been chipped away.” </p><p>“Harry, it’s only been 2 months. You need to give yourself time.”</p><p>“Time? I just lost 5 years of it, does it look like I need to lose some more of it? I should be doing something more. But I’m here, at a party with some people I don’t even remember befriending…” Harry trailed off, feeling the back of his eyes sting, and the slow closing off of his throat.</p><p>Hermione grabs a glass of water and gives it to him as he tries to hold back his tears. He holds it, but doesn’t drink. He just looks into it. His shaking hands distort his reflection, making him look slightly different, warped, but still recognisable in a weird way. He blinks away his tears and looks up at Hermione.</p><p>“Who am I?”</p><p>He’s wanted to ask her this before. It’s Hermione. She’s always had an answer for everything, and if she didn’t, she’d spend all her efforts looking for one. Ever since he met her, she seemed to hold all knowledge. </p><p>Instead, she just smiled sadly at Harry. “Well, you’re Harry James Potter. Son of James and Lily Potter. Partner to Draco Malfoy. Godfather to Teddy Remus Lupin. You’ve got a large array from friends who would proudly stand by your side through anything.” </p><p>Hermione moved to hug him as Harry’s tears started falling. </p><p>“You’re a good friend that is loyal and trustworthy. You’ve stared death in the eye and walked back. You’re brave and kind. You love with all your heart. You’re great at Quidditch, played seeker on the Gryffindor team in Hogwarts. You were there at Ginny and Luna’s wedding. You were there at every birthday party held for your friends.” </p><p>Hermione pulled away, and gestured for Harry to drink the water. He did, and felt a million times better.</p><p>“You’re Harry, and that’s all you need to be. No matter what, memories or not.” </p><p>Harry wiped away the tears on his cheek and nodded. He felt better, the pep talk really helped. He was so glad to vent it all out too, all his worries and fears this far into the recovery. His physical body was fine now, it was just his mind left. </p><p>Before he could even turn his body to get out of the kitchen, Teddy leaped in, snitch plushie still in hand. Teddy took one look at Harry, and tilted his head.</p><p>Harry’s fear spiked, but when Teddy quickly moved to hug his legs, it went down just as quickly. Harry carded his fingers through the blue hair. Teddy let go and put both of his hands up. Harry took this to mean he wanted to be carried.</p><p>Harry lifted him up with ease. Teddy was still a toddler, but he knew that there was only a limited time left until Teddy couldn’t be carried like this anymore. Teddy’s arms wrapped around Harry’s neck, and he looked at him with big wide eyes.</p><p> “Are you okay?” Teddy asked.</p><p>Harry kissed Teddy’s cheek and held him tighter. “Yeah, I’m okay.”</p><p>And for the first time in a long time, he meant it. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Don't (Part 1)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Things are difficult for Harry. Words slowly disappear, and the journey for memories is covered in shards of glass. Harry's in this situation because of one bad move, so how long does it take until he realises he's made another? Here's part 1 of the second chapter.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I wrote too much for this chapter so I'm splitting it into two parts. They're both under the same name and for good reason. I hope you enjoy the L E N G T H. (This had little to no editing btw)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s been about a week since the celebration at the Burrow. Despite feeling a lot better, he knew he wouldn’t be a good guest. So when he heard Cauldron Full of Hot Strong Love and Ron’s absolute outcry, he knew Malfoy was finally within reach. Harry kept to his promise with Malfoy and sought him out after hugging Teddy in the kitchen.</p><p>Harry didn’t even need to tell Malfoy he wanted to leave. He tapped his shoulder, and Malfoy instantly knew. 5 minutes later they were in the floo, having said brief goodbyes to everyone. Harry walked straight to the bedroom, and flopped onto the bed. </p><p>Since then, Hermione’s words have faded slightly, but Harry still tries to hold on to them as he rereads every word in his office and rewatches every picture frame. </p><p>But his grip is quickly loosening though, he can feel it.</p><p>With every smiling face he sees, or with every date he reads, it gets harder. His life seemed to be at its peak. He had a job he adored, friends and family he would see often, a house filled with things he remembered, and a boyfriend that he loved. Now he’s gone and messed up a single raid, just one mistake, and that life has fallen right through his hands. </p><p>Harry’s desperate to remember something. Anything. To give him hope that the life he had for the past 5 years could come back. All the hard work he did in order to get to that life, he couldn’t let it go. </p><p>What he’s learnt from that celebration was just how everyone there was living their best lives. They were at their peak, and Harry was once right there with him. Now fate, the dirty bugger, brought him back a few steps. It was infuriating. Why can’t he just live his best life, too? It was right there. <em> Right there! </em> </p><p>But it’s gone now, and no memories have come back. It’s been too long for him. </p><p>Hermione’s still searching for something to help. She comes over when she’s free and talks about muggle biology and again tries the counter curse for <em> obliviate </em>. But nothing works. Hermione says it just needs time.</p><p>It’s always time. </p><p>Harry knows he’s closing himself off from everyone. Talking to Ron and Hermione with quick sharp responses and too many one-word answers. But he’s jealous, and he can’t help it. </p><p>The sadness and anger of losing his memories have warped into hot thick jealousy running on his nerves. </p><p>He tries to keep holding on to Hermione’s words. But it’s getting harder and harder with every waking hour.</p><p>It’s no wonder that Harry is still there in the office, right now, reading the journal of newspaper clippings that he could probably recite word for word perfectly. Window open as usual, and the old inkwells, quills, and broken muggle pens kept in his desk drawer for safe-keeping. </p><p>It’s almost lunchtime, but he isn’t hungry. He decides to skip this meal too. The office hasn’t really changed much since he first came into it. The mess was just cleared up, but he kept almost everything where it was before. </p><p>It was hard though. The candle was too far to the left, or the stack of folders wasn’t in a good reaching place from his desk. He never changed it though. Harry kept it as a reminder for how different he is from the Harry before. When he gets his memories back, he’ll be okay with the layout of the office. It’ll be fine.</p><p>It’s definitely a surprise when he hears the floo roar loudly from downstairs. It shouldn’t be possible to hear it, but the house was always a little too quiet when Malfoy was at work.</p><p>Finally closing the journal he had such a strong hate love relationship with, he rubbed his face to release the tension. Then he got up, and walked downstairs to greet whoever just came through. </p><p>The wards wouldn’t let any strangers in, and Harry knew, or at least trusted, his currently unknown friends not to show up unannounced when Malfoy wasn’t here. So when he walked into the living room and saw Ron and Hermione waiting patiently for him, he had half a mind to walk right back to his office.</p><p>“What are you guys doing here?” It was cold, but they didn’t flinch.</p><p>“It’s lunch time. Just thought we should all go out since our free time synced up for longer than an hour.” Hermione said with a smile. </p><p>Harry sighed. “Look, I appreciate it, but I should go back to my office-”</p><p>“Harry, you’ve been holed up there since St Mungo’s. Come out with us for lunch, mate. We do miss you.” Ron’s voice fell flat on Harry’s ears.</p><p><em> Yeah, but you’ll only really get half of me right now. </em> </p><p>But Ron’s face was pleading, almost begging, for Harry to agree.</p><p>So he did.</p><p>Harry didn’t care to change into something better. He slipped on some shoes, and followed them as they walked towards the front door. To be honest, Harry kind of forgot they had one. He’s been using the floo to leave the house the entire time since he’s been here.</p><p>“It’s better if we apparate, there’s a point not too far from here.” Hermione said, opening the door. </p><p>“Wait, I don’t have keys for the house.” Harry said, feeling his pockets as if it would somehow appear. He didn’t even know what they looked like.</p><p>“Oh, you usually keep it unlocked. The wards are strong, and this part of London has a low theft rate.” Ron smiles at Harry. “Besides, there is the usual <em> alohomora </em> at your disposal.” </p><p>It was small things like that that dug slowly but deeply into Harry's skin. Small things about the Harry from before, details that wouldn’t be in the journal or the books. They were small things, but they just kept piling on, and it screamed out to Harry how different he really was.</p><p>How the life he once had wasn’t really his anymore.</p><p>Just as he walked through the gate, the shiver of strong magic ran through him. The wards really were strong. It felt so much like Malfoy, as if he appeared for a split second just then. It was comforting in a way, to feel Malfoy’s magic around him. He spared a moment and wondered how Malfoy was doing. </p><p><em> Do you miss him? </em> His mind asked him. He put that thought away for later.</p><p>They made it to the apparition point. Harry could hear children playing and screaming in the park just a few metres away. For a split second, he thought of Teddy, and how much he’d enjoy running around with them. </p><p>Hermione grabbed hold of his arm, and he felt the familiar pull of apparition in his gut.</p><p>They appeared in a place Harry didn’t recognise. It wasn’t Diagon Alley or Hogsmeade, nor was it any of the wizarding places he knew. </p><p>“Where are we?” Harry asked, looking around as Ron led the way.</p><p>“Muggle London.” Hermione smiled. “Thought you might prefer it if we didn’t go anywhere magical.”</p><p>Ron stifled a laugh. “Yeah, the pap absolutely ran you through when you went to Draco’s shop, didn’t they?” </p><p>Harry cringed at the thought. “Yeah, they did. Thanks,”</p><p>Ron just nodded. </p><p>“Draco was ecstatic though, heard sales rose for a bit during then.” Hermione added.</p><p>“Yeah, he told me about it. That’s why Malfoy’s been a lot more run down whenever he gets home these days.” Harry replied, distance and coldness in his voice.</p><p>Ron and Hermione shared a look before pushing open the doors to a beautiful and busy environment. Harry heard the dinging bell, orders being yelled over the counter, and the sound of people’s conversations overlapping each other. </p><p>The place was remarkable.</p><p>As the trio walked to take one of the few tables left available, Harry took in as much as he could. There was a line at the front, where a glass case filled to the brim with all sorts of cakes and cookies were, then the movement through the opening into the kitchen caught his eye, then there were the waiters who seemed to actually enjoy themselves here. There was something about this place that spoke to him. </p><p>It wasn’t familiar, no memories came through, but he was already enjoying himself here.</p><p>Just as they sat, a waitress came through, a bright smile on her face. </p><p>“Hi guys! It’s been a while, where were you lot?” She asked.</p><p>Hermione answered first. “We’ve been busy, some stuff happened. How’ve you been, Lara? That place looks more lively than before.”</p><p>The waitress, Lara, laughed wistfully. “Yeah, it really blew up. Despite it being busier, I’m enjoying it a lot more.” </p><p>“That’s great to hear. We missed you.” Ron smiled.</p><p>“And I’ve missed you too! You can’t go disappearing again for so long,” She huffed. “Anyway, where’s Draco? He’s at work?”</p><p>They all nodded. Harry was thankful he didn’t need to answer. He didn’t remember Lara at all, and he thought maybe, just maybe, if he stayed here a little longer then something would come back.</p><p>“The usual for you three, right? Don’t think I’ve forgotten.” </p><p>They all nod, and say their thanks as Lara skips away. Harry’s amazed, despite not doing or saying anything, Lara couldn’t tell anything was different with Harry. She just treated him like the Harry from before. A small idea comes into his head. </p><p>The food comes a few minutes later with a smiling Lara and a wink. They all thank her, and she jokingly bows like an inside joke. The only reason Harry laughs is because he really wasn’t expecting it. It made no difference though, Lara still didn’t think anything had changed. The small idea started to grow.</p><p>The trio started talking about whatever they could. From auror missions to meetings with higher ups. It was just a blur for Harry as he ate his delicious fish and chips. Harry still didn’t offer any more than 3 words at a time.</p><p>He knew he was being rude. But it still irked him how it’s been so long and no memories have returned yet. He is still Harry, he knows, but that Harry had just about <em> everything </em> while he… well, he had almost nothing but the friends and family he knew would never leave him. It should be enough, right? So why did Harry still feel so jealous of everyone, even himself.</p><p>“Don’t you think, Harry?” Hermione asked, cutting through Harry’s thoughts.</p><p>He glanced up and raised a questioning eyebrow. “I’m sorry, what?”</p><p>“A pensieve or legilimens for your memory,” She answered.</p><p>A cold fear ran down his spine. “No, absolutely not.” </p><p>Ron’s eyes widen at Harry’s definite tone. “Hey, mate it’s okay. That’s fine, but why? We can tell you’re being annoyed with the memories thing…” </p><p>Harry sighed. He knew it was a good idea at first, but Harry’s thought about it many times and still struck down the idea. “Sorry, I just won’t do it.”</p><p>Hermione’s glittering eyes dulled. “Okay…” </p><p>“I just don’t like that idea,” Harry started, building up the courage to say his fears. “The memories aren’t mine. They’re someone else’s. Things are fuzzy when people don’t remember specific details.” </p><p>At that point, Hermione and Ron looked like they already understood and were ready to apologise for not thinking, but Harry just continued. </p><p>“They won’t be my memories. They’re someone else’s memories in someone else’s eyes. I won’t take that, I need them to be mine.” </p><p>It was the longest he’d spoken to Ron and Hermione at once during the conversation, no, the entire past week actually. The fear was still there, sitting at the base of his spine. It made no sense to be afraid to share his opinion to his two closest friends, but in a way, Harry felt like he was betraying himself. Right there was an opportunity, and Harry constantly denied it.</p><p>There was silence over the table. The sounds of the restaurant’s livelihood still bouncing off the walls, the bells still rang, and orders were still given, but Harry felt like everything was buffering in this silence. </p><p>“Thank Merlin.” </p><p>Harry turned to look at Ron, surprised at his words. </p><p>“What?” Harry asked.</p><p>“We’ve been worried sick. You’re short replies, coldness in your voice.” Ron said.</p><p>Harry just kept looking at him, and only then did he realise how tired Ron was. He hid it well, but his freckles stood out just a little more, his eyebrows creased a little too tightly. Harry never would’ve realised if he didn’t know he was looking for it.</p><p>“That entire answer was the first time you sounded like you. We’ve missed you, Harry.” Hermione smiled.</p><p>Harry turned to look at her, gobsmacked. “But I’ve been right he-…” Harry didn’t continue his sentence. He knew it would be a lie.</p><p>“You haven’t really been here, have you? It’s like 5th year all over again where you cut us off, shut us out.” Hermione said.</p><p>Hermione hid her exhaustion well too. Her dark skin looked a tinge more grey, than the full of life he was used to. Her jaw line jutted out, making it slightly more pronounced, and her smile didn’t reach her eyes.</p><p>“I’m so sorry for worrying you, both of you.” Harry’s regret dripped into his voice.</p><p>But Ron and Hermione just laughed, and nodded at Harry. Ron jokingly punched Harry’s arm. </p><p>Just then, Lara came up, giving the bill and taking their finished food away. The trio split the bill while Ron started a conversation about how confusing muggle money was compared to the 17 sickles for a galleon he was used to. </p><p>“Oh, shoot. I gotta go, Kingsley needs to see me.” Ron said after casting a discreet <em> tempus </em>.</p><p>“I have a meeting to get to as well.” Hermione replied, standing up.</p><p>Ron and Hermione both looked at Harry, waiting for him to come along. Harry looked at Lara waving off customers as they left. The idea started to come back.</p><p>“Ah, I think I’m gonna stay here for a bit longer if that’s okay.” Harry smiled up at them.</p><p>For a second, they looked unsure, but then relented. </p><p>Just before they left, Ron turned around. “Oh, Harry. Kingsley wants to talk to you at some point. Send him a message whenever you’re free. Don’t leave him too long though, you know how he is.” </p><p>Harry just chuckled, and waved him off. “Yeah, I know.”</p><p>The two left with Lara and another waitress thanking them.</p><p>Harry looked around. The restaurant was quieter now, but it kept that environment that he loved dearly. Tables were emptying, customers were leaving, and the bells slowly stopped ringing. But the love that was overflowing in this place was incredible.</p><p>The small idea that planted in his brain had finally taken root as he waved at Lara. Lara smiled and waved back, then continued doing her duties.</p><p>Lara came over once she had enough time to sit down for a chat. Despite seeing her at least 2 times already, he never really got a proper look at her. Both from the overwhelming newness of the situation and the fear that he’d have to explain his condition to someone who didn’t already know. </p><p>Her smile never left her face. Her curly dark brown hair matched her dark skin that seemed to glow like the sun made a home in her heart. Her eyes were just as bright. She was happy, incredibly so, and it radiated throughout the building.</p><p>“So, Harry, how are you and the pretentious blonde prat?” Lara joked as she leaned forward in excitement.</p><p><em> Well, now or never </em>, Harry thought to himself. </p><p>Harry put on his best lovestruck smile. “He’s great, both great actually.” </p><p>Lara practically squealed. She smiled and put her chin on her hands while her elbows were on the table. Her eyes were now looking up, expectant for more.</p><p>“Well?” She asked. “Go on. Lord know I haven’t heard enough about the two of you. The secretive lot you all are.” </p><p>Harry’s mind was screaming to <em> ABORT! ABORT! WE’RE FOUND OUT. </em>But his idea had to work, it had to. So he scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, avoiding the eyes that seemed to intent on more.</p><p>“W-well,” He cleared his throat to give himself a bit more time. “Work has taken over, so we aren’t seeing each other much. But… He cooks for me.” </p><p>It wasn’t much at all, but at least it wasn’t a lie. Harry didn’t know how to act like he was in love with Malfoy. But he guessed lying low was the best call. Lara did say we were ‘a secretive lot.’ </p><p>“I thought you were the chef in the relationship,” She smirked. “He’s taking over, and you’re letting him!” </p><p>She sounded absolutely scandalised, leaning back with a hand over her heart. Harry looked at her wide eyed and shocked at the outburst and reaction. It was so wild. Nothing was making sense, but it felt easy.</p><p>They stayed like that for a moment, like a movie paused at the worst and weirdest time. But just as suddenly, they burst out laughing. </p><p>“Oh, you and Draco are so cute. My Dakota’s at home right now with a cold,” She said sadly.</p><p>For the first time her smile didn’t quite seem real. </p><p>“Is Dakota okay?” He asked, swerving the potential of a pronoun mistake.</p><p>“Huh? Oh, yeah, they’re okay. They’ll get better soon.” The smile was back on her face, better than ever. “Besides, I got to see 3 out of my 4 favourite customers again after, like what, 10 years?” </p><p>Harry chuckled. “Yeah, give or take a few.” </p><p>Lara just kept smiling, her hands fiddling. “Are you okay, Harry?” </p><p>His heart fell to the pit of his stomach. Did she know what he was doing? Could she tell? Or was he just that bad at pretending?</p><p>“Why do you ask?” </p><p>“You just look a bit tired, that’s all. Anyway, I’ve got to go now. Want some tea to go? It’ll be on me.” She winked as she got up.</p><p>“I’d love some, thank you.” </p><p>“No problem. Just make sure you come more often, we’ve missed your face.” </p><p>And with that and a hot cup of tea, he started walking out. He didn’t miss the chorus of ‘bye’ and ‘come back soon’ from all of the workers. He waved at them before going through the door.</p><p>Harry stood outside for a moment, heart racing. The plan had worked. It <em> actually </em> worked. For a moment, he thought it hadn’t. He took a sip of his drink. </p><p>He has completely fallen into the idea. A part of him knows it’s a bad one, so very bad with consequences, but it had worked with Lara. Who else could it work on? Harry started walking to the apparition point they had arrived at.</p><p>Harry could just pretend to be the Harry from before. He didn’t need to feel jealous or insecure anymore, he could just keep it up like he never lost them. What’s that saying, ‘fake it ‘til you make it,’ right? So that’s what he’ll do. He won’t waste over the books and the newspapers anymore, those words won’t change. </p><p>But Harry can. </p><p> </p><p>*****</p><p>When he gets home, door still unlocked and the house thankfully not a theft crime scene, Isolt is waiting at the open window in the dining room next to another owl. This other owl stood up high and proud, a letter of what must be of great importance tired to its talons. Isolt seemed to watch the stranger with a close eye, protectiveness seeping through her gaze.</p><p>“Hello, Isolt.” He said as he walked over to pet her. </p><p>As he did, he looked over the eagle owl. There was a small hint of worry growing in his chest. A lot of higher ups owned eagle owls, so maybe it was Kingsley, or maybe someone from the Daily Prophet saw him with his friends.</p><p>“Got a letter for me?” He asked the owl. The owl just bowed its head and stood still as Harry unfolded it.</p><p>The handwriting, thankfully, was familiar. It was Neville’s handwriting. But how on earth Neville had gotten an eagle owl was beyond him.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> ‘Hey Harry, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Hogwarts is great this time of year. I know you don’t remember much, so I thought maybe you’d like to see it again? Send me a time and date of when you’re free and I’ll pass it on to Minerva so she can open the international floo.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Neville </em>
</p><p>
  <em> P.S. It’s her owl, not mine.’ </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Harry understood it now. The owl was still standing there proudly. He walked to the kitchen and found a tin of owl treats, and offered one to it. It must be waiting for a reply. So he quickly got one of the pens lying around in the mess of books near the floo, and wrote quickly. </p><p> </p><p>‘<em> Hi Neville, </em></p><p>
  <em> I’d love to see how it is again. Maybe I’ll remember something there, who knows? Let McGonagall know that if it’s okay, I’d love to visit in 2 days time, on Monday, in the morning. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Harry </em>
</p><p>
  <em> P.S. And here I was, thinking your boyfriends had the decency to give you an amazing owl.’ </em>
</p><p> </p><p>The eagle owl flew gracefully out the window. Isolt’s stare leaving it until it was a dot in the sky. He pet her gently, and gave her an owl treat too.</p><p>“Hey, girl. You’re not flying today?” </p><p>Isolt hooted softly, and moved onto his arm. They stood there for a while, just together. Memories of Hedwig came up, but the overwhelming regret and disappointment wasn’t there. Time was beginning to heal him, especially after he forgave himself for having another owl so soon after Hedwig.</p><p>He could imagine Hedwig looking down, perched on the shoulder of ones of his passed mates. Maybe even his mum or dad. Despite the forest where she’d have a multitude of friends, Hedwig would still go to one of his friends or family, and just watch as Harry moved along life. </p><p>Now here was Isolt, content and perched on Harry’s arm as he rubbed her neck softly. Her feathers were soft and well taken care of. Isolt, with her range of browns all over her body, was incredibly different from Hedwig's snow white. Even so, Harry could imagine himself loving Isolt just as much.</p><p>Time must have passed as he stood there with Isolt. Both were simply enjoying each other’s presence so much that Harry did not hear the floo roar at all. So when Malfoy walked in, coat in hand and leaning on the doorway. Neither Harry, nor Isolt noticed.</p><p>Well, at least, until he spoke.</p><p>“Bonding time with Isolt is going well, I see.” </p><p>Both Harry and Isolt jump. Isolt spreads her wings to regain balance but they smack Harry’s face. As soft as the feathers are, they do not taste very nice.</p><p>Once Isolt gathers her balance, and the beats of her wings aren’t booming in his ears, Malfoy’s laughter rings through. Harry just stares at him. </p><p>This laugh was different from before. Very different from the laugh Malfoy had when Isolt stayed perched on his head, and more so different from The Burrow party when Ron stole Ginny’s storytelling spotlight. </p><p>Malfoy was laughing with his entire being. He seemed to <em> glow </em> so brightly and so beautifully, Harry for a moment didn’t think he was meant to see it, like it was too private for him to even have a glimpse of. </p><p>Malfoy’s shoulders were shaking as he laughed, his head was tilted back as a heavenly smile broke out over his face. He laughed with his entire body. All Harry could do was watch.</p><p>He’d never seen Malfoy laugh like this, ever, not even in school. This was new, and sudden, and very intimate, and for a serious second Harry wanted to know more. Harry needed to calm down, his heart had skipped several beats, and the air in his lungs felt much thinner than before. </p><p>But even so, Harry just kept looking as Malfoy rode through the waves of pure joy.</p><p><em> Malfoy is beautiful </em>, Harry thought. Before the thought could even relish in its existence, Harry piled it for later.</p><p>Malfoy finally caught his breath, still laughing here and there in small bursts, but finished all the same. </p><p>“Sorry, you two just-” Another burst of laughter that Malfoy tried so hard to contain. “Were so shocked, and then the wings-”</p><p>Malfoy closed his eyes and scrunched his nose as he tried to stop another bout of laughter. “And your face- Merlin. Stop looking at me, my stomach hurts too much.” </p><p>Harry didn’t realise he was smiling until he felt his cheek muscles burn. It was painful, but he couldn’t stop smiling. Just like how Malfoy couldn’t seem to stop laughing. Everything felt good at that moment.</p><p>“I’m way too tired to cook, so I bought 2 minute noodle cups from the store down the street.” Malfoy said in between laughs, gesturing to the plastic bag at his feet that Harry never noticed.</p><p>“I can cook something,” Harry offered. </p><p>Malfoy just shook his head. “No. Besides, this is the first time I’ve come home from work and you weren’t in your office. You must’ve gone out, right?” </p><p>Harry was amazed at the deduction, and simply nodded.</p><p>Malfoy smirked. </p><p>Just as he returned back in the kitchen, Malfoy whispered with a smile on his face, “I still know you.” </p><p>Those words made Harry want to run to him, but also to run far far away. </p><p>Harry brought Isolt to her cage, and she happily stepped off. As he did so, Harry heard the kettle being turned on. </p><p>He walked into the kitchen, and stood next to Malfoy as he made the 2 minute noodles. Such a chef. </p><p>Malfoy still had a smile on his face, remnants of the laughter from earlier. But that wasn’t just it. The laughter was definitely sorely needed on Malfoy’s part because his eyes seemed to be a bit more lively, and his skin a little more healthier. </p><p>It’s times like this that Harry wishes out of all the memories he had, he could forget overhearing Malfoy’s breakdown at The Burrow. Harry never talked it out with him, and to be honest, he didn’t think he ever could. Those words weren’t meant for Harry’s ears, even if they had fallen on them by accident.</p><p>Still, Harry looked a little harder, observed a little more, when it came to Malfoy. His idea of pretending was a tricky one, and either way, he didn’t think he had the guts to play it on Malfoy just yet. Especially with how he said he still knew Harry. Malfoy would see right through it.</p><p>“Now we wait for 2 minutes.” Malfoy covered the tops of the two noodle cups.</p><p>Harry just hummed in response. They waited in comfortable silence.</p><p>Malfoy grabbed one of the noodle cups and walked out into the dining room. Harry followed, carrying his own.</p><p>Just as Harry entered, McGonagall’s owl came swooping in and landed on the table. Malfoy looked at it with wide eyes.</p><p>“Hello again.” Harry walked over, put down his food and grabbed the note. </p><p>“I’ll... get a treat for you,” Malfoy said to the owl cautiously as he swept into the kitchen. </p><p>Harry read the letter.</p><p> </p><p>‘<em> Harry, </em></p><p>
  <em> Sounds good. Minerva just said it was alright. The floo will open from 8am. Oh, speaking of my boyfriends, are you okay with meeting them for the first time again at Hogsmeade that night? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Nev.’ </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Harry smiled, and quickly wrote back a reply saying that it was okay. Just as he tied the letter back on the owl’s leg, Malfoy came back with an owl treat. The owl took it gratefully, and continued resting for a short while next to Isolt in her cage.</p><p>They left the window open for when it would like to leave.</p><p>He sat down next to Malfoy at the table, and opened the top of his noodle cup, then groaned. </p><p>“Aw man, now the noodles are overcooked.” Harry frowned as he ate.</p><p>Malfoy just shrugged and continued eating the food. </p><p>When the eagle owl left, Malfoy seemed to release a lot of tension. Like he’d been scared or something with the owl having been there.</p><p>“Malfoy? Are you okay?” Harry asked as he finished his food.</p><p>“Hm?” Malfoy seemed a little distracted, and didn’t look up at Harry.</p><p>“Hey, what’s wrong?” </p><p>Harry tried not to be shocked at his own words. The voice that came out of him couldn’t have been his. There was concern woven into the words, but a stray piece of affection had found its way too. The affection was so noticeable on his ears, and Harry didn’t think it should’ve been there at all. </p><p>After all, Harry decided he wasn’t going to pretend to be other Harry to Malfoy at this point, right?</p><p>“That eagle owl,” Malfoy said as he smiled painfully. “It reminded me of the owl from my childhood. I thought mother had news for me, that’s all.” </p><p>Harry knew that wasn’t all. He watched as the man beside him continued to poke and prod his food, not going to eat anymore. Harry did forget about the eagle owl of the Hogwarts days, swarming over the Slytherin table carrying gifts of expensive chocolates and other wonders. </p><p>With an ache in his heart, he realised that Malfoy probably hadn’t seen his owl in a while. There was a possibility the owl may have passed, but… Harry didn’t want to think of that. </p><p>“How is your mother, by the way?” </p><p>“Last I heard from her, she was good.” Malfoy sighed. “I forgot you didn’t know. She’s living in France now, and is living her life. We… um. We don’t talk as much as we used to, but when something happens, we send owls. I just thought the worst when I saw the owl, I apologise for not thinking.” </p><p>Harry nodded and let himself think. On one hand, he knew it wasn’t his fault for not knowing. On the other hand, he felt like a right git never asking about Malfoy’s life, too busy groaning over his own. </p><p>“I’m sorry…” Harry whispered softly.</p><p>Malfoy looked up at him, a raised eyebrow. “Why are you apologising?” </p><p>“For not asking about your mother sooner. I’ve asked everyone about their life in the past 5 years except you. So I am sorry for doing that, and I’m ready to listen if you’d like to tell me?”</p><p>Malfoy just blinked in response. Harry wasn’t quite ready to hear Malfoy tell him about everything, but he knew that he probably never would be. It wasn’t fair to learn about this man’s past just by bits and pieces he’s picked up. Malfoy deserved to give his view on his life.</p><p>“What would-” Malfoy cleared his throat as his voice cracked ever so slightly. “What would you like to know?”</p><p>Harry shrugged and gave an easy smile. “Anything you’re willing to tell me.” </p><p>Malfoy thought for a moment. “Let’s see…” </p><p>That night, Malfoy and Harry talked about many things. They didn’t speak of their relationship, how they met after 8th year, or what they’ve done together and Harry was eternally grateful for that. But Harry did learn a lot about Malfoy in every other aspect. </p><p>This man worked as an apprentice under a famous potioneer for 4 years before opening his own potions shop. He still keeps in touch with his teacher, who had retired a few months back. Malfoy’s love for potions stemmed from a very young age, and his skills were genuine. Despite Snape showing favouritism, Harry knew that Malfoy did deserve every good grade he got in that class.</p><p>During Malfoy’s apprenticeship, his research began to expand into the world of muggle science, in particular to biochemistry. That’s why there were many muggle science books on the shelves. He found ways to make potions a little easier to brew, last longer, and act faster. It took him a long time to do so, but he gained the confidence to tell his teacher, who gave him the confidence boost Malfoy needed to open shop. </p><p>Since then, everything started to look up. Even though opening the shop was so hard, everyone glaring and wary of the ‘Death Eater,’ his teacher never gave up on him</p><p>“Sometimes we just need one person to tell us we can do it, you know?” Malfoy smiled through teary eyes at his memory. “Just one. Mr Rizer was that for me.” </p><p>Harry smiled throughout it all. Malfoy was a wonderful storyteller. He never stuttered or backtracked, it was a continuous flow. Harry marvelled at that, as he himself was never good at recounting things. Facts at the wrong time, bits and pieces being added hastily. It was a stop and start kind of thing, whereas Malfoy spoke as smoothly as the run of honey.</p><p>Before Harry fell into a deep sleep, lying on his bed a few hours later, Malfoy in the spare room next to him, he thought of what to do. There was one more day before Hogwarts. </p><p>He had time to visit Kingsley, and he knew he should, but he needed more time to perfect his idea. Besides, there was one person he knew he needed to visit after the entire day. He knew they’d want to see him too.</p><p> </p><p>****</p><p>“Hi, Teddy!” Harry said as he was squatting, arms open for Teddy to run into.</p><p>Teddy was still holding the golden snitch plushie from before. Andromeda was cooking away in the kitchen, singing the Cauldron Full of Hot Strong Love with obvious disdain.</p><p>“Out of all the songs in the world... Why that one?” He shouted to her as he hoisted Teddy up.</p><p>“Because it’s been in my head since the party!” She replied, annoyed with the ear worm.</p><p>Harry and Teddy just laughed and hummed along with her. They hummed and mumbled unsure words of the song for at least 15 whole minutes before Teddy got bored and jumped out of Harry’s arms.</p><p>He chased him as Teddy ran around with the energy of a thousand suns. Teddy only stopped when Andromeda brought out the sandwiches she was making for lunch. Ham and cheese, the pure delicacy it was. </p><p>“It’s really good to see you again, Harry.” Andromeda said.</p><p>“You too. Though, it definitely felt longer for the two of you than it did for me, huh?” </p><p>She laughed lightly in response. “Teddy’s missed you the most, he never lets go of that plushie now.” </p><p>Teddy only held his toy closer while he chewed, watching his carers talk.</p><p>“Oh, I gave him that?” </p><p>“Yep. He absolutely adores it,” Andromeda said with a bright smile.</p><p>“I’m glad he does.” Harry looked at Teddy with a smile. “He even brought it to Ginny’s 23rd birthday, huh?”</p><p>It’s now or never, Harry thought to himself. So I might as well try now.</p><p>He braced himself for Andromeda to immediately catch on to what Harry was planning, but all she did was laugh.</p><p>“Oh, he definitely did.” </p><p>“How did that work out, with all the sand from the beach?” </p><p>That was a shot in the dark. No one mentioned it was on a beach, and there were no photos or anything of that event. All he heard was how the Weasley’s and Draco got terribly sunburnt. It was a guess, and Harry knew that he was testing his luck.</p><p>But the idea was all he had, so he kept to it. At least this way, he felt like he was actually moving instead of the sad stagnancy from before.</p><p>“The sand was the worst part, somehow it never left.” Andromeda sighed at the memory. “No matter how many cleaning charms I used, or muggle washings, the sand just never disappeared.” </p><p>Harry chuckled a bit, knowing how hard it was to get sand off from a day at the beach.</p><p>“Oh I bet,” Harry continued, wondering if this was still pushing his luck. “Draco complained about the sand for weeks afterwards. Add that onto his sunburn, and it was quite intense.” </p><p>“Merlin, I can only imagine. Really, everyone there should’ve known sun shield charms don’t last nearly long enough.” </p><p>Harry breathed in a sigh of relief. The plan was working quite successfully, and Andromeda couldn’t tell anything was wrong. This could work.</p><p><em> You’re lying to all of them, </em> a part of Harry thought. <em> But they don’t notice. This way, everyone’s happy. </em> Before his two sides could continue in argument, Andromeda asked how Draco was doing.</p><p>Harry answered honestly, as he’s been talking and seeing him very often. Still, he saw the way Teddy looked at him when Harry tripped over saying ‘Draco.’ Harry had to get used to calling him that if he was going to continue this.</p><p>The conversation continued on about a range of things. Ranging from the past, to the party. Harry took the subtle clues of how events went, and stored them in his memory in case he needed them in future pretendings. It was difficult though, because sometimes people simply weren’t there. </p><p>When Andromeda started on her chores, leaving Harry to watch over Teddy, he couldn’t help but celebrate for a moment. He’d done it, he’d pretended again and it was completely successful. He could have that life back, the one that still seems so out of reach for who he is now. He could take it back, even if it isn’t real, he could pretend it was. At least for a second.</p><p>With a small smile, he looked at Teddy who had watched it all. Before Harry could even open his mouth, Teddy stood up and grabbed a pack of exploding snap cards. </p><p>“Hey, Harry?” Teddy asked as they were playing exploding snap.</p><p>“Hm?” Harry might’ve been way too focused into the game.</p><p>“You’re a bit different, did something happen?” </p><p>That made Harry drop one of his cards. He looked up at Teddy, who was looking at him with an intensity a child shouldn’t have. </p><p>“Did you hear about my memory?” </p><p>Teddy nodded, then tilted his head. "You forgot the past 5 years and now you’re trying to get it back. That’s what Andromeda told me.” </p><p>Harry put down the rest of his cards, pausing the game. “That is what happened. I was at work, and I got hit by a lot of bad spells. So now I just have to remember.” </p><p>“Hmm.” Teddy looked at him like he was analysing his every move. Then he looked at the cards. “Let’s keep playing, I’m going to win.” </p><p>Teddy had a smirk that made him think of Tonks. Harry continued the game with a fierce determination to win, trying to quell a small growth of fear and guilt in his chest. </p><p>Of course, Teddy won. </p><p>Teddy masked in his victory by quickly changing his colours as if it were a fountain filled with colours. Pinks to purples, blues to yellows, it was glorious. Added with a lovely fist to the sky.</p><p>Harry just watched and smiled. Even if he lost, seeing Teddy like this was worth it. The last memory he could remember of Teddy was him nestled in blankets and held in his arms as Andromeda made another bottle of milk. </p><p>His heart swelled as Teddy fixed up the cards, and ran to one of the books lying on the floor.</p><p>“Read this to me. It’ll be like the first time again.” Teddy’s smile shone so brightly, Harry couldn’t possibly refuse.</p><p>Harry looked at the book, and gasped. “This is Beauty and the Beast?” </p><p>Teddy just smiled. “Yeah, it was one of the first stories you read to me.” </p><p>Harry looked at the book again, and noticed how well worn it was. The cover was barely hanging on, and the spine had split. There were creases on almost every page, as if it had been read and reread over and over again.</p><p>Out of all the stories, he didn’t expect Beauty and the Beast. Even so, it was a good story. So he opened the book, and read it to Teddy. </p><p>Teddy absolutely adored the voices Harry put on for all the characters. Despite him fidgeting, filled with energy, Teddy kept quiet and never commented or spoke as Harry read it. Harry was immensely proud of him for it, though he didn’t know why Teddy felt the need to hold back.</p><p>“...And Beauty and the prince lived happily ever after.” Harry said, as he closed the book.</p><p>He didn’t miss how Teddy said the last words with him.</p><p>It’s been such a long time since Harry had read that story. It was one of his old favourites. But now it left a sour taste in his mouth. The side story with the village forgetting the prince seemed to hurt him a little more than necessary.</p><p>“Their magic is weird, don’t you think? The way the muggles think magic works.” Teddy said as he laid down on the couch, arms behind his head.</p><p>“Hm, I guess. Is this your favourite story, Teddy?” </p><p>Teddy shook his head. “No, this one’s weird to me.” </p><p>Harry laughed and nodded. “Why make me read this one then?” </p><p>“Because it’s one of your favourites. You’ve read it to me a lot of times since you found this copy in a ‘garage sale.’” Teddy put quotation marks. “I kept reading it to figure out why it’s your favourite, but I still don’t get it.” </p><p>Harry was touched that Teddy would go that far for him. “Just because it’s my favourite, doesn’t mean it has to be yours.”</p><p>Teddy tilted his head to look at Harry, unsure and hesitant. “It would be cool if we had the same favourite story…” </p><p>“Yeah, it would be,” Harry said as he started to card his fingers through Teddy’s hair. “But it doesn’t have to be. We can be our own person.” </p><p>Teddy sat up at that, and looked Harry in the eyes. Under his gaze, Harry felt vulnerable. He was amazed that Teddy could do that, but still, he gulped like he did something wrong.</p><p>“Teddy? Are you okay?” </p><p>Teddy crossed his arms, and continued to analyse Harry like a professional auror would. “You said that, so why were you pretending to be the other Harry when you talked to Andromeda before?”</p><p>He couldn’t stop his jaw from dropping. His heart pounded a little harder, and his palms started getting sweaty. </p><p>“What are you talking about?” </p><p>Teddy huffed in annoyance. “You were lying to her while we were eating sandwiches!” He whispered loudly. “She might not have noticed, but I did.” </p><p>“How did you know?” </p><p>“I may be young, but I’m not stupid.” Teddy suddenly looked like the child he was, young and vulnerable, and so betrayed. “So why were you doing it?”</p><p>Harry looked down, unable to stare at Teddy in the eyes. “I just want to be him.” </p><p>Teddy’s arms wrapped around Harry so fast that Harry almost fell backwards. “It’s not good to pretend, so don’t. You taught me that, and I know you’d still agree.” </p><p>Harry just nodded in the hug, unable to speak with the lump in his throat. The back of his eyes hurt, but he didn’t cry. They stayed hugging for a while.</p><p>“You’re way too smart for an 8 year old,” Harry finally said as soon as the lump went away.</p><p>“All of my friends are like this,” Teddy said as he pulled away. “Most adults don’t think we listen but we do.” </p><p>How Harry had forgotten that, he didn’t know. It was a long time ago, but he always knew that kids were observant. That’s how they grow. They watch, and listen, and learn with every single thing adults do. So of course Teddy knew how to stare down someone, or how to communicate well, it was all things he’d learnt from being around a variety of adults at all times.</p><p>“By the way, why do you call Andromeda ‘Andromeda?’ Isn’t she your grandma?” </p><p>“Yeah, but she prefers Andromeda.”</p><p>“Oh.” Harry simply replied, as Teddy got up to another book. </p><p>“Now read this one, it’s one of my favourites.” Teddy held up The Fountain of Fair Fortune.</p><p>When Harry said goodbye a few hours later, he hugged Teddy just a little bit tighter and kissed the top of his head. He thanked Andromeda for letting him in on such short notice.</p><p>As he stepped into the floo, he thought about what Teddy had said. The strong, “Don’t do it.” started to echo in his mind. But Harry didn’t think he could. He was still jealous and scared and frustrated at his lack of memories.</p><p>So when he stepped into his house and read the letter Malfoy had left him, telling him he went to sleep early, Harry knew he’d still stick with his plan. It had given him something to do, a way forward, even if the path was filled with shards of glass.</p><p> </p><p>*****</p><p>For the first time in a long time, Harry woke up before Malfoy did. In fact, he woke up before the sun even started peeking out of its covers. Everything was silent. The house didn’t make a single sound, no creaks from the wind or scutters of rats. </p><p>For a moment, Harry could just <em> be. </em> </p><p>He stared at the ceiling, its blurred nothingness. The covers clung to his body like a second skin. But he didn’t reach for his glasses, nor his watch. He just laid there, and breathed. </p><p><em> Are you really gonna go through with this? </em> Harry asked himself. </p><p>The past times were just luck, and knowing himself, it wasn’t going to last long. Someone will reprimand him for his choices soon enough, and he was dreading it. But at the same time, it can make everything seem that little bit better. </p><p>He’s learning more about this unknown Harry. It helps with his performances, but other than that it feels like weight pulling down on his chest. Unknown Harry was so optimistic, so care free and lively, now it’s just holding a soul of sadness and envy. </p><p>
  <em> Of course I am. </em>
</p><p>By the time Harry heard the spare bedroom’s door open and the sun knock gently on his curtains, he was already changed and ready for Hogwarts at least 2 hours too early. He yawned, already exhausted, and started heading down to meet Malfoy for breakfast.</p><p>Breakfast was new territory, as Harry was usually never awake before Malfoy left for work. So when Harry said a sleepy good morning to Malfoy, he wasn’t really surprised that he ended up with Malfoy’s wand pointed at his face.</p><p>“Merlin, Harry. You scared me half to death!” Malfoy said, still shakey and not putting his wand down.</p><p>Harry put his hands up in an attempt to calm Malfoy down. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m sorry.”</p><p>Malfoy blinked, then lowered his wand. Harry caught Malfoy’s slightly clenched jaw, and knew the question before it was even going to be asked. </p><p>“For scaring you, I mean. That’s what I’m apologising for.” Harry lowered his hands.</p><p>Malfoy looked at Harry, really looked. Like some sort of him was surprised Harry had caught on so quick to that part of him, but Harry could definitely see why he does what he does. </p><p>“Okay.” Malfoy smiled halfheartedly at him. “Thank you.”</p><p>“No problem.” </p><p>They stood there for a few minutes, just looking at each other. </p><p>“So what’s for-”</p><p>“How did you-”</p><p>They spoke at the same time, and cut off at the same time. The sides of Harry’s lips twitched upwards. </p><p>“You go first,” Malfoy managed to say just before Harry could. </p><p>“Ah, I was just going to ask what’s for breakfast.” Harry looked over at what looked to be a pancake batter half mixed in the bowl. “Pancakes?”</p><p>Malfoy nodded, then moved to turn back around. Before he could, Harry spoke up once more.</p><p>“What were you going to ask?” </p><p>Draco froze for a second before looking at Harry again with a mix of amazement and confusion. “How did you know what I was going to ask?” </p><p>“Oh,” Harry said. He scratched the back of his neck. “Well, I noticed you always ask that whenever someone apologises to you, even if the reason might be a little obvious.” </p><p>Harry felt incredibly vulnerable under Malfoy’s gaze. It was like he was being analysed layer by layer, piece by piece. But he stood his ground, he let Malfoy search him so that any doubts in Malfoy’s mind would ease. For what reason he did this, Harry didn’t know. But his heart told him to be open to Malfoy, to let Harry, the current real Harry, to be seen. </p><p>“You notice me?” Malfoy whispered it so quietly that Harry would have dismissed it as part of the gusts of wind outside. </p><p>But the pure adoration in Malfoy’s eyes, the affection pouring so bravely onto his face, that’s what sealed it. It surprised Harry so much that his reply ran out of his mouth before he even had a chance to form the thought.</p><p>“I always have,” Harry whispered just as softly.</p><p>But Harry didn’t miss the widening of Malfoy’s eyes, or the slight burn of his own cheeks.</p><p>Too much.</p><p>It was too much again. </p><p>It’s been so long since it’s been too much, and Harry’s not ready for it at all. </p><p>Harry wanted to run, to back away and shake his head and put all those thoughts back in the ‘for later’ pile that has grown so tall. He didn’t even realise his heart was booming through his chest until it was the only thing he could hear. Like it was an earthquake, shaking the very core of his soul, towers swaying back and forth, breaking and falling and losing structure. He couldn’t move. He tried to force his fingertips to twitch, or his eyes to blink or look away, but nothing was working. </p><p>One thing he could definitely notice was how his heart, whilst creating a natural disaster in his chest, felt lighter and freer. The words had made his heart nod in such excitement, to agree so feverently. </p><p>It wasn’t a lie, Harry decided. But he wasn’t ready to come to that truth yet, not like this, not while he’s still like this. He isn’t the Harry Malfoy loves yet, he can’t do this. At least, not yet.</p><p>Malfoy was the first to move. Like the world decided to put them out of their misery and press the play button. He turned around, back facing Harry.</p><p>“The pancakes will be ready soon, just…” Malfoy waved his hand, like he was shooing Harry away. “Do something.” </p><p>Harry didn’t need to be told twice. In fact, Harry wasn’t sure if he’d be able to hear it again at all while his heart was hammering in his ears. Yet, he stepped out of the kitchen as quick as he could. His muscles had ants crawling through them, and the back of his eyebrows started to ache. </p><p>But at least he wasn’t looking at Malfoy anymore.</p><p>He felt like he was going to explode, his mind racing too fast at one small slip of the tongue. Either way, he knew he wasn’t ready to think about it just yet, let alone talk about it. So he schooled his features, hiding his heart, telling it to shut up <em> please </em>, and sat down at the dining table, waiting patiently.</p><p>His mind had other thoughts, of course. Despite an outward appearance of nothingness, his head still continued to run a marathon. Every single one he filed right back to look at later. But later never seemed to come, there was no right time to think about Draco Malfoy. </p><p>This Draco Malfoy in front of him, living with him, smiling and laughing, cooking and cleaning, clear headed kindness and selfless, caring, compassionate, oddly funny, and still trying, should feel foreign. But the more he stayed, the more he wanted to keep staying. </p><p>There’s just something about him that Harry wasn’t ready to confront yet. He knew he would have to eventually, but it’s too fast. Too much too quickly. So he kept filing, clearing the piles of folders in his head, assigning them elsewhere.</p><p>Soon enough, Malfoy swept through with a stack of pancakes. The ones on the top looked glorious, but the ones at the bottom looked ridiculous. He told Malfoy this, hoping to release whatever tension was still there.</p><p>When Malfoy laughed, teeth shining and eyes twinkling, everything felt right again. </p><p>“The first pancake is always the worst one, didn’t you know?” Malfoy said, putting a pancake on his plate.</p><p>“Of course, I do,” Harry said, cutting his pancake. “I just want to know what happened to the next 4.” </p><p>Malfoy jokingly punched him, and said a soft, “Sod off.” </p><p>Harry ignored the way his heart flipped at that.</p><p> </p><p>*****</p><p>Half an hour or so later, Malfoy and Harry were saying goodbye to each other, wishing each other well for the day ahead. Harry told Malfoy about going to Hogwarts, and Malfoy just said to say hello to McGonagall and Neville when he got there.</p><p>The window was open for Isolt to fly in and out of the house whenever she pleased. She hooted softly when Harry told her she was going to be gone for a while. He rubbed her neck, and poured all his love into it. </p><p>Harry went through the floo first. The flames of international floo smelt slightly more like woodfire than usual, and it had a darker tinge to their colour. But Harry didn’t care to notice, because Malfoy was still waving at him, a bright smile on his face. </p><p><em> He’s so beautiful, </em>Harry thought to himself. And just this once, he let himself bask in that thought as he fell through the floo through to Scotland.</p><p>“Harry,” McGonagall’s arms were wide open. “It’s so good to see you.” </p><p>Harry didn’t realise he missed her this badly until he had engulfed her in a big hug. Minerva had aged the way one would expect in 5 years, but she still held that youthful strength and passion she’s had since the first day he met her all those years ago. She had a strong sense of authority, fair and just.</p><p>“Hey, Professor.” He smiled at her as he pulled back from the hug. “It’s good to see you too.” </p><p>She smiled back, and patted his shoulder. “Just call me Minerva. That’s what you called me before.” </p><p>“Oh, I did? So you’ve heard about,” Harry looked around at the portraits, making sure no gossiping ears were in on the conversation. He still lowered his voice. “My memories?”</p><p>Minerva nodded sadly, then began to walk, leading the way for Harry to follow.</p><p>Harry didn’t realise how much had changed in the Headmaster’s office. Dumbledore’s portrait was still there, just behind the desk as it was 5 years ago. But Phineas and all the others had moved to different walls. The pensieve cabinet was nowhere to be seen. Even the desk itself seemed to be a different one, a darker more sophisticated wood. </p><p>Still, he followed on, trying to quell the hint of uncertainty and frustration bubbling slowly in his chest. </p><p>Harry looked at Minerva as she walked on and wondered if he could risk doing the plan. Minerva was still as observant as she always had been. It was obvious by the way she could reprimand a student causing a ruckus down the hall, just out of sight.</p><p>Despite all the memories gone, Hogwarts hadn’t changed. The walls still had the same cracks, the same weeds, the same feel as they did before. Hogwarts was still there, seemingly untouched by the lack of his memories. It calmed him.</p><p>Hogwarts is, after all, still his home.</p><p>As Minerva and he continued to walk through the grounds, he noticed all the students. Well, more so, how all the students were acting around each other. Ravenclaws play fighting with Gryffindors, Slytherins playing exploding snap with the Hufflepuffs. Almost every single friend group has a mix of more than 2 coloured robes.</p><p>It was breathtaking.</p><p>“Oh, it took a lot of time to get to where we are,” Minerva said, noticing his stares.</p><p>“It’s amazing,” Harry said, putting praise in his voice. “This is the vision you tried to drill into us during 8th year.”</p><p>Minerva smiled and nodded.</p><p>“You did really well. I’m sorry we couldn’t do it,” Harry gestured at the students. “But you’ve made it a reality.”</p><p>Harry just smiled brighter, his cheeks starting to ache. It was amazing, the unity, the freedom. It all felt like he imagined high school would be when he was younger. </p><p>He overheard a bad card pun from one of the Slytherin’s, and couldn't help but laugh loudly.</p><p>The students turned around at the noise. Then with wide eyes, ran over to him.</p><p>“Hello, Harry Potter! Did something happen?”</p><p>“Are you going to teach us today?”</p><p>“I don’t have Defense class today, but can we meet you after?”</p><p>“Professor Longbottom will beat you this time, I tell you!”</p><p>The sudden rush of attention and questions began to overwhelm him. He taught Defense sometimes? Who were these students, did he know them? And he did duels with Neville?</p><p>“Students, step away. Mr Potter is here for other reasons. Unfortunately, he won’t be teaching today.” Minerva’s voice, filled with the authority of a Headmaster, boomed over the crowd.</p><p>A chorus of disappointed sighs rang through. Harry tried not to feel too bad, but the sadness on their faces was too much. He almost offered to teach before Minerva’s voice spoke up again.</p><p>“Mr Potter and I must go now.” Minerva smiled gently at her students.</p><p>At that, they all somehow brightened up significantly and went back to playing. Though there were hushed whispers of ‘bets,’ and ‘duels.’</p><p>“Minerva, where are we heading?” Harry asked as they passed the herbology greenhouse.</p><p>“Well, considering your situation, I thought you might like to see a new addition to the school 3 years ago.” </p><p>They walked out the doors, and the sun shone brightly. It couldn’t have been a minute past 10am, but the sun’s heat felt like noon. Harry blinked his eyes slowly, trying to adjust to the brightness of the outside.</p><p>They continued walking, and Hagrid’s hut stepped into view. Harry’s heart ached. He hasn’t seen Hagrid in ages. The man who had cared so much for him, brought him to the Dursley’s in hopes that they’d meet again, who had made a cake and wished Harry a happy 11th birthday before even telling him why he was there. Harry knew he had to see him today.</p><p>“How is Hagrid?” Harry asked, as they walked away from the hut.</p><p>“He’s doing really well. He got some wonderful news yesterday, so he’s been happily singing ever since.” </p><p>“That’s good. I’ll visit him today.” </p><p>“You should. He’s been worried sick over you,” Minerva sighed. “He still looks at you and sees the tiny baby he carried out of Godric’s Hollow.” </p><p>Harry's heart ached even more. Hagrid had been there for so much, just like Minerva. They’d been such strong and stable pieces in his lives. Even now, with his memory gone, he knew they both supported his decisions, from dating Malfoy to moving out. </p><p>He decided right then and there he wouldn’t pretend to them. Not because he didn’t want to, but because he felt he didn’t need to. Not to them, the people who current Harry wasn’t jealous of because of old Harry. Unknown Harry could take them all, but these two, they stayed unmoving. They didn’t change, just like this castle, just like its trees. </p><p>Minerva stopped walking at the top of a hill. The wind was blowing, giving kisses of cold air onto their heated foreheads. Harry stopped beside her, and took in the sight. </p><p>There was so much movement. The trees danced with the wind. It was like a farm, but it wasn’t cows or horses that resided on the fields. It was thestrals and hippogriffs, blast ended skrewts and flobberworms. There were animals of all different kinds. </p><p>A watering hole was situated in the middle. There, the hippogriffs stood together. They were beautiful, as Harry recognised he’d always had a soft spot for hippogriffs. They’re feathers ranged from white and gold to dark greys and blues. </p><p>The other animals, despite it seeming like they would all cause chaos, just acknowledged each other’s existence and continued on. The forbidden forest was just a bit further ahead, and some thestrals were walking out from it. </p><p>It was beautiful, and Harry felt like it was a puzzle piece he didn’t know Hogwarts was missing.</p><p>“How did this all happen?” Harry asked, still gazing over the sight. </p><p>“You brought people’s attention to this idea. You raised awareness and money.” </p><p>“I… Helped with all... of this?” Harry gestured to the gigantic field in front of them.</p><p>“Yes. You, along with all your friends.” </p><p>“It’s amazing, don’t get me wrong. But why- how-” Harry struggled to ask the question. </p><p>Minerva simply smiled at him. “Hagrid told you one day that certain magical animals were becoming endangered, in particular, the hippogriffs. So you worked hard, you educated yourself.” </p><p>“Bet it didn’t hurt to have the Minister of Magic on your side, huh?” Harry chuckled to himself.</p><p>“Hmm,” She laughed. “No. It didn’t hurt at all.” </p><p>They stood there for a while. The sun hitting their skin, the wind still blowing, and the animals moving along without a care. Harry just kept watching it, feeling amazed. He didn’t remember any of it, the campaigns or the fundraisers, but he did remember the feel of Buckbeak’s feathers under his hand, and the rush of adrenaline from flying on his back. </p><p>There was that darkness though. It sat there in his chest, small, but patiently waiting. For Harry, despite loving the sight, was jealous of the old Harry. The Harry that could see a vision and let it come to life as wonderfully as this. Harry now felt like if he tried, he’d fail over and over again.</p><p>Soon, Hagrid walked onto the field, buckets in his hand, whistling a happy tune.</p><p>“I must go. I’m meeting some students soon,” Minerva smiled and waved. “It’s so good to see you’re okay.” </p><p>Harry smiled, and his heart felt like it was going to burst. Harry didn’t know what it felt like to have a mother, but he had a feeling that Minerva was the closest he would have. Afterall, she had given so much of herself to ensuring Harry grew up to become a great person.</p><p>“Thank you, Minerva.” </p><p>Harry didn’t expect to hug her again so soon, but he couldn’t help it. Minerva hadn’t changed, she was just as she was, and it meant everything to Harry right now. </p><p>He watched her as she left. Once out of sight, he looked back down at the field, watching Hagrid throw chunks of meat to the thestrals. Harry ran down, old trainers, dirty jeans and all, to meet him. </p><p>“Hagrid!” Harry called with excitement.</p><p>Hagrid turned around, bucket dropping out of his hand. Thankfully it was empty, though it didn’t stop a few of the baby thestrals from sticking their heads into it. Harry wove between the animals, trying not to hurt or disrupt any of them as he walked quickly towards his friend. </p><p>“‘Arry? Is tha’ you?”</p><p>Harry smiled brightly, ignoring the ever growing ache in his cheeks. Hagrid hadn’t changed either. He still had the aura of a kind and caring gamekeeper with a love of animals beyond anyone’s comprehension. </p><p>“Yeah, Hagrid. It’s me.” Harry opened his arms wide for a hug.</p><p>Hugging Hagrid felt like hugging a mattress. Well, more like hugging several mattresses with a beard that ticked the top of your head. He smelt like dirt and raw meat and slobber but Harry didn’t care. Hagrid was still the same as he remembered.</p><p>They pulled away, and Harry squinted as he looked up at Hagrid. The sun was still so very bright.</p><p>“Need some help?” Harry offered.</p><p>“Nah, I’m alright here. Bu’, if yer don’ mind, can ye help wit’ a class I’m teachin’ in a few minutes?”</p><p>“Oh, uh, sure.” </p><p>Harry helped Hagrid take care of the rest of the animals that accepted their help, and they talked briefly about new things. As they talked, he learnt that Hagrid had started teaching Care of Magical Creatures alongside Professor Grubbly-Plank, who co-taught the subject as Hagrid’s roles in the school became too much. With being gamekeeper, professor, and caretaker of the new endangered animals field, it was no question.</p><p>Hagrid did ask about how Harry was with his memory loss, apparently finding out from Ron and Hermione when they visited. Harry also learnt that the news that Hagrid was overjoyed about had to do with, of course, dragons.</p><p>Charlie Weasley and Hagrid kept in touch after the war, Harry knew. Sending notes even more often than during his Hogwarts years. However, as they continued talking about dragons and their immense love of the creatures, they both kept trying very hard for Hagrid to go over to Romania and help with the dragon care over there. </p><p>It was difficult though, as people were still mean, taking one look at the half-giant and coming to a conclusion that he was ‘unsafe’ for travel. The fact he was expelled didn’t help his case much either. Yet they tried, and quietly too, not asking for Harry’s help even though he told Hagrid he would do anything to help.</p><p>But it worked out, Charlie had sorted it all out, and Hagrid had an international portkey ready for Romania as soon as the Christmas holidays began. He was ecstatic, and Harry was extremely happy for him.</p><p>When the third years started piling in, almost no one was wearing bags for parchment or quills. Harry was surprised, no one even brought the textbook. It didn’t seem to bother Hagrid though, as he stood up tall and greeted the small third years with the kindness he’s always had. </p><p>“Alrigh’. We’ll be learnin’ abou’ hippogriffs.” He looked at Harry who was standing awkwardly beside him. “My Potter ‘ere is going to help us.”</p><p>Harry looked at the third year students in front of him. So many with blank faces, others holding back a starstruck expression. Harry waved confidently, receiving a few halfhearted waves back.</p><p>“Harry, why don’t yer show us how to approach a hippogriff?” </p><p>Harry looked at the group of hippogriffs, resting but attentive to the lesson, as if they knew they were talking about them. He looked around, trying to find a hippogriff to befriend, and trying to forget that he probably already befriended one. </p><p>None seemed to jump out for his attention as he walked towards the hippogriffs. His eyes landed on one that seemed to have a glint in its eyes. The hippogriff’s feathers were dark grey, slowly blending and changing into pure white as it moved up from the wings to the head. </p><p>It looked absolutely majestic.</p><p>The hippogriff seemed to realise Harry’s decision, and moved forwards towards him cautiously. Harry could hear Hagrid talking to the class, commentating on the movements and actions Harry was taking. </p><p>He kept his eye contact, and bowed as low as he could. Trying his hardest to remember how it was all that time ago in his own third year Care of Magical Creatures class. But when the majestic creature bowed its head down to Harry, he couldn’t help but celebrate in his mind.</p><p>He moved forward, hand outstretched in front of him. As soon as it was close enough to the hippogriff, he stopped, allowing it to choose whether to move forward into his hand. It did, and he pet the hippogriff gently, admiring the feel and looks of their feathers from up close. </p><p>He heard a distant, “Well done, Harry!” and a chorus of ‘ooh’s’ and ‘aah’s’ from the class.</p><p>Harry stayed with his hippogriff as he watched the rest of the class approach their own. Surprisingly there was enough for each person, compared to back in his third year. </p><p>He watched as the Slytherin and Gryffindor students played with each other, making fun and jokes as they approached their hippogriffs, some even wanting to move towards the smaller baby ones.</p><p>He also noticed how they helped each other, there was always someone who watched just in case a hippogriff would reject a student. There weren't any rejections yet, and the students were overjoyed. </p><p>Soon everyone was petting their own hippogriff as Hagrid began to talk about cleaning their feathers. The class was engrossed in their learning, even as no one took notes or wrote down the teachings, Harry knew they’d remember the important bits. </p><p>Hogwarts had changed, he realised. It wasn’t a bad change. The walls stayed the same, the same cracks, but the people had all changed. Harry noticed he didn’t feel a daunting feeling or fear or jealousy. This, looking upon a happy Hagrid teaching a united class, with a hippogriff by his side, it felt like things would be okay.</p><p>Much too soon, the class was over. As Harry helped the third years pack up the knick knacks from Hagrid’s hippogriff grooming lesson, the students talked to him about the duelling club.</p><p>“Will you be going to the duelling club session today, Mr Potter?” A third year Slytherin asked politely.</p><p>“No, not today. But perhaps another time,” Harry promised.</p><p>The students cheered. A Gryffindor from the back spoke up in a voice that reminded Harry of Ludo Bagman. “Who’ll win next time on Longbottom versus Potter!” </p><p>The class laughed, and even Hagrid gave a hearty chuckle. </p><p>Harry just laughed with them, and asked, “Well, who do you think?”</p><p>“Professor Longbottom, sir.” The class chimed. </p><p>Harry, not taken aback one bit by that, just smiled. </p><p>He didn’t miss the pair of twins that started a whisper of a betting pool. It was so jarringly similar to a pair of redheaded twins that were no more. But he watched as the twin girls, one wearing green robes, the other wearing red, discussed their own bets.</p><p>The sun’s heat was less intense as he watched the students running up the hill, discussing their next classes. </p><p>Harry gave one last pat to his hippogriff, and walked over to Hagrid. </p><p>“You were fantastic, Hagrid! They loved you,” Harry said with a smile.</p><p>Despite his face being mostly covered in hair, Harry could still see Hagrid’s cheek redden. “Thank you.” </p><p>Harry just kept smiling. Going to Hogwarts was like a breath of fresh air, a well needed hug, and a gentle kiss on his forehead. Hogwarts would forever be his home, and he couldn’t see himself ever not visiting. He guessed that was why he helped with Defense Against the Dark Arts class and duelling clubs.</p><p>“By the way,” Hagrid started. “I know yer memory is gone an’ all, but being with the hippogriffs didn’t help or nothin’?”</p><p>Harry’s heart sank a tiny bit and shook his head. “No, no memories have come back at all. It’s frustrating, there’s small things I don’t remember, things I didn’t even know I used to do.”</p><p>Hagrid looked at him with a sadness in his eyes. “I know I shouldn’t tell ye’ this, but it don’ matter. Yer still ‘ere, alive an’ all. It don’t matter tha’ ye chose a diff’rent hippogriff or-” </p><p>“I chose a different hippogriff?” Harry’s heart started to race. Did he lose the trust of one of the magnificent creatures? Had he made a terrible mistake by not knowing?</p><p>“I shouldn’t’ve said that,” Hagrid said. But Harry looked at him with pleading eyes. Finally, Hagrid softened. “Yeah, ye chose Tatus. Ye usually go wif Hace o’er there.” </p><p>Hagrid pointed to the hippogriff with white and golden feathers. It had caught Harry’s eyes, but he didn’t feel any type of connection from before. Harry tried so hard to make himself remember something about Hace, trying to remember the feel of their feathers under the palm of his hand. But nothing came. </p><p>“Harry, don’ worry about it, okay?” Hagrid looked at the castle. “I gotta go and meet Grubbly-Plank abou’ the class today. I’ll see ye ‘round.” </p><p>Harry squashed the disappointment in himself as he hugged Hagrid goodbye. He watched as Hagrid’s silhouette slowly disappeared up the hill. As soon as it was gone, the sadness filled his chest. </p><p>He looked back at Hace who paid him no attention, and then to Tatus who seemed to ask him if he was okay. Just how different was Harry with his memories gone? Had he really lost the life he had built from one damn mistake on the field?</p><p>He wanted to punch something, or cry, or scream into the emptiness of the forbidden forest where no one could worry about him. But he didn’t do either. Instead, he took a step towards the hippogriff with the sun in its feathers. The hippogriff that the old Harry had connected with.</p><p>Hace looked up, and stared at him like he was a stranger. It made Harry want to vomit, but he continued to approach them. Harry bowed his head, as low as he could, and hoped that Hace would accept him, the him now.</p><p>And he did.</p><p>Harry pet him, ran his fingers through his feathers, and cried silently. With hushed whispers he apologised to Hace. He told them that he wasn’t sure if Harry was going to come back any time soon, that the Harry from back then still loved him even if he wasn’t here right now. Harry knew he was mourning the death of a person who wasn’t really dead, but he might as well be.</p><p>But Hace looked at Harry, and in those eyes was understanding, forgiveness, and acceptance.</p><p>Harry hugged Hace tightly, trying not to scare him off or make him regret accepting him, but he put his entire heart into the hug. Hoping that Hace could understand the amount of sadness Harry had in his heart for this creature.</p><p>When Harry finally stepped back, bowing once more as a goodbye, Hace bowed back just as low. Harry turned, and Tatus was there with a tilted head. It reminded him of Isolt, and her curious eyes.</p><p>He just smiled at Tatus, still sniffling a little bit, and hugged them too. Tatus was the hippogriff he felt a connection with right now, and Harry knew it was the same vice versa.</p><p>Harry said goodbye to Tatus, telling him he’d see them again. As he walked away, Harry looked back and watched as Tatus moved over to the group of hippogriffs near the water, and stayed next to Hace. </p><p>There was one place Harry wanted to be right now, and he hoped and prayed it hadn’t changed since his 8th year, as his memories didn’t seem to show him going to that place before the 5 year void. </p><p>When the Great Lake came into view, he instantly noticed the crisp lake air, slightly different but no less refreshing, from that of the hill and the field. A tentacle poked out of the water, as if the Giant Squid was greeting Harry. He just smiled, and waved back.</p><p>He walked around the lake. There were no students about and the sun was lowering, hitting the lake in a way it shimmered and sparkled. The shadows were long now, and the wind was softer, seemingly adjusting to the lack of heat now.</p><p>There he found it, the tree he had befriended in his 8th year. It had grown taller since he had last seen it, and new branches reached towards the sky. But it was still there, still standing, and that was enough. </p><p>The flowers that dotted the patches of grass around the trees were new. Weeds of different colours, existing in beauty where no one could tell them they couldn’t be. Harry sat in the shade of the tree, looking at the lake, watching its ripples, the castle in the distance.</p><p>He leant against the tree trunk, feeling like he was back in 8th year, needing to get away from everyone and everything. Harry smiled as he remembered how much this place meant to him, how somehow no one seemed to find him here. As if the tree casted more than its shadow, that it was more than its leaves. </p><p>Harry closed his eyes, and breathed deeply. The back of his eyes began to ache slightly from the sudden crying, and he clenched his fists over and over again to try and release some tension. </p><p>Then he thought back to Hermione’s words. Words that had somehow gotten even more distant in a time he believed he probably needed it most. He hadn’t thought back to those words in what felt like years, as if those words melded themselves into the memories of before the 5 year void. </p><p>Despite her words, Harry’s jealousy just grew. It was frustrating how Harry could have almost everything, everything that current Harry could never believe would even be possible for him, and it all just fell through his hands.</p><p>He wanted it back.</p><p>He so desperately wanted it back. His memories, his life, his smiles, the connections. How it could’ve all just gone, Harry didn’t know. Hadn’t Harry suffered enough in his life? He died and came back just for this? </p><p>Harry slowly opened his eyes, and was amazed at how much time he’d spent wallowing in his own sad thoughts. The shadow of the tree was even longer as the sun descended closer to the horizon. </p><p>He wondered if he should move, until muttering bounced off his ears.</p><p>Harry turned to the side, and watched as a Ravenclaw student sat down a few feet away from him. Her mouth was moving at extraordinary speeds as she continued to mutter loudly. Harry didn’t catch any sentences, and barely caught the word, ‘Fluxweed.’</p><p>When she opened her satchel, and took out messy stacks of parchment, Harry noticed all the writing and diagrams. The parchment may have been all over the place, but her notes were pristine. On par with Malfoy and Hermione, if not better.</p><p>But the silence fell, and the only sound was the water. Harry looked away, coming to the conclusion that, yeah, it was kinda weird to look so he stared at the lake. </p><p>The thoughts from before started to creep in until a loud sob cut through the air.</p><p>Harry’s head twisted to find her with her face in her hands surrounded by parchment that started to blow away. He quickly got up and grabbed the scrolls of paper that bounced and leaped over the flowers.</p><p>The notes were filled with drawings of potions ingredients, even cauldrons themselves. Labels pointing to specific structures, lines of notes and warnings all around each paragraph. It was so much like the notes Malfoy had across his own books.</p><p>Harry approached her cautiously, making sure not to startle her. “Hey, I think these are yours?”</p><p>Her head whipped to face him. Eyes slightly teary, but not crying. Harry breathed a sigh of relief. </p><p>“Oh, thank you. I didn’t realise they were blown away,” She said, reaching out for his notes.</p><p>Harry gave them to her. He didn’t have the heart to just leave her, so he asked, “Are you okay, by the way?”</p><p>She looked at her notes, avoiding eye contact with Harry. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.” </p><p>Her head turned to look at him once more with a half hearted smile. Then slowly, her eyes travelled to the scar. Her eyes widened.</p><p>“Harry Potter!” </p><p>Harry smiled sheepishly and fully sat down. “Yep, that’s me.” </p><p>He was prepared for all questions and statements, ready for his whole life to be told to him piece by piece by someone he’s never met. They ask about Voldemort, or about the scar, most times about the war. The amount of times he’s had to recall it was astronomical.</p><p>“Is it true you sucked at potions?”</p><p>Well, to be fair, Harry’s silence and blinking dumbfounded face was completely reasonable. He wasn’t expecting that question, especially when it wasn’t the main focus in many of the writings about himself.</p><p>When he finally got out of the shock, he laughed softly and nodded. “Yeah, I was terrible at it. Any of my friends would agree.” </p><p>The girl looked to her notes and sighed. “I’m terrible at it too,” She huffed. </p><p>“Oh? But your potions notes are incredible.” </p><p>“Doesn’t mean my grades are.” </p><p>Harry let that sink in. A lot of the time in his Hogwarts days, he’d admired Ravenclaws and their easy intelligence. But after getting to know more about them through Cho and Luna, he knew that stereotype had no evidence. The house of Ravenclaw was not just easy intelligence or naturally gifted individuals, they were more than that.</p><p>“You’ve put a lot of hard work into these notes,” Harry gently spoke. “Are they not helping at all?”</p><p>“There are, but,” She paused. “I started taking it seriously too late, I guess.” </p><p>“You’re in 6th year?” </p><p>“7th, actually. NEWTs are soon, and I’m still not there yet.” </p><p>Harry knew what that felt like. Getting into the aurors the hard way, like he wanted, was exhausting. The studying, the homework, the catching up and afternoon meetings had taken over his life just for 5 Exceeds Expectations or Outstandings. </p><p>“How are your other subjects?”</p><p>She finally smiled properly this time, and looked up at the lake. “I think I’m doing quite well in the other subjects, like herbology. Professor Longbottom is kind enough to give extra credit lessons whenever he’s free, and Defense is such a fun subject…”</p><p>He could hear the moment her potions grades crept back into her mind.</p><p>“But it’s potions, huh?”</p><p>She nodded, her smile gone. “I never paid much attention to it, just did what needed to be done. I thought it was an easy O since I passed my OWLs. But, it isn’t. It’s so much more intricate and complicated than I could have ever imagined.” </p><p>Harry shifted to the side a little more as the girl started putting her notes down on the grass to look at. She pointed to an incredibly detailed insect drawing. </p><p>“Like the lacewing fly is used in polyjuice potion, right?” </p><p>Harry didn’t get the chance to even nod in reply before she continued.</p><p>“We know it’s used, but we have to know <em> why </em> it’s used.” She pointed to another drawn insect pair of wings. “Why can’t we use the lacewing fly in a laughing potion? Why does it have to be billywig? What is the main component, structure or chemical wise, that is so crucial? Why the entire insect instead of that one piece? Don’t even get me started on the theoretical ideas for potion improvements.”</p><p>She huffed in annoyance and Harry could tell her frustration was creeping back.</p><p>“Is there a particular reason you’re trying so hard in potions when your other classes are doing so well?” Harry asked carefully.</p><p>She froze, and began to pack her notes. Her head was kept down, again avoiding Harry’s eyes. “I realised too late that I wanted a career in potions.”</p><p>Harry’s eyes widened. “What made you want to do potions?”</p><p>“I read about it while in this study group I had with other 7th years. They were talking about the great potioneers of the wizarding world, and I just... “ She slowed to a stop. “Got inspired I guess.” </p><p>Harry was in awe. In a way, that’s what made Harry want to become an auror. He was so inspired by how many of those around him constantly fought for justice and the rightness of the world.</p><p>“I understand how you feel,” Harry said to her with a gentle smile.</p><p>“Yeah, but I guess it just wasn’t meant to be.” She shrugged. “I just have to live with an Acceptable if I’m lucky.” </p><p>“You still have time,” Harry quickly responded. “The NEWTs are this year, sure, but the year has only just started.” </p><p>She looked at him like he was crazy, but she didn’t disagree.</p><p>“You still have a study group around you to help, you’ve got professors who support you, right?” Harry pressed on.</p><p>“But I-” </p><p>“And you have amazingly organised and detailed notes, the answer is somewhere there, isn’t it?”</p><p>“Could be…” She said, uncertain.</p><p>“Why are you so determined to think so less of yourself?”</p><p>Just as those words hit her, Harry realised the strength of his words. How it could be used against him when someone finds out about his plans, his actions to forcefully bring back the old Harry that had everything. </p><p>The words coming out of his mouth felt like a slap to the face.</p><p><em> Such an idiot, </em> Harry thought to himself. <em> An absolute idiot. </em></p><p>“You’re right.” The girl spoke with such fever and determination it cut through his thoughts yet again. “Thank you, Mr Potter.” </p><p>Harry just gave a half hearted smile, and decided to put those words, his own words, in the ‘for later’ pile. He’d analyse his own words later, for now, it was about someone else.</p><p>“Not a problem…?” He trailed off, realising he didn’t know her name.</p><p>“Kiana. My name’s Kiana.”</p><p>“Nice to meet you, Kiana. By the way, about your notes on lacewing flies…” </p><p>They talked as much as they could about her notes until the sun was too low to read. Harry didn’t really understand potions still, and Kiana had to explain some basic things, but they worked with what they had.</p><p>Kiana thanked Harry numerously, but genuinely. And he told her he’d see her one day as a great potioneer. They parted ways when they reached the castle, Harry walking to the Great Hall for dinner, and Kiana dropping by her house dormitory. </p><p>As he enters the Great Hall, a wave of memories hit him. It wasn’t new memories, no, it was memories of a battle, of a body falling on the other side of his wand, of bodies covered and grieving people over them. But it was also laughter, and friends at a table, food between them, it was staring contests across the hall with a blonde with grey eyes, and a hint of uncertainty and suspicion.</p><p>It was everything that happened right there, in those walls. </p><p>A wave of students entered, walking past him in bouts of laughter that reminded him of his friendship group in their Hogwarts years. Nostalgia settled in his chest as he shook himself out of the trance. </p><p>He walked up to the teachers table, where Neville had left a seat beside him. All the professors were talking amongst each other, Flitwick, Minerva, and Slughorn seemed to be in a heated conversation, Neville, Hagrid, and Grubbly-Plank were joking around, even the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, an ex-auror who lost her leg during the battle of Hogwarts and who looked like she could kick your arse while preparing the best tea, was laughing with Trelawney.</p><p>It was a sight, that’s for sure.</p><p> “Mr Potter!” A student called out just before he could walk up the stairs.</p><p>He turned and saw some of the third years from the Care of Magical Creatures class along with other house students looking up at him with curious eyes.</p><p>“Yes?” There was more hesitance in his voice than expected.</p><p>“You better win the next time you’re in the duelling club, I have 2 galleons on you,” The student who spoke up said.</p><p>Harry gulped, but laughed it off. “I’ll try to win then.” </p><p>“Good.” </p><p>The group of students turned their heads away and continued their conversation, unaware or uncaring of Harry’s slight confusion.</p><p>He just shook his head, and sat down on the free seat beside Neville. Neville greeted him with a smile that Harry returned.</p><p>“You okay?” Neville asked, leaving Hagrid and Grubbly-Plank to continue their conversation.</p><p>“Yeah, Nev. Just wondering, why do we duel so often?” Harry took a sip of the water in front of him.</p><p>He didn’t realise just how thirsty he was, and downed the glass before Neville could even start his reply.</p><p>“Oh, that. Well, we do a lot of demonstrations for the duelling club,” Neville said nonchalantly. “The students love it, and it really helps.” </p><p>Harry nodded. He could see that. It’s a better idea than having the kids demonstrate when they themselves were practicing simple stuff. But something still irked him.</p><p>“You win often, do you?” Harry asked.</p><p>Neville sputtered and his cheeks got a bit redder. “Working with plants, especially the ones that attack, really help with reflexes. I guess that’s why I do.” </p><p>Harry laughed and patted his shoulder. “No, that’s good. Means I’ll try even harder to beat you in the next duel.” </p><p>Neville laughed with him, elbowing him jokingly. “I’ll just win again.” </p><p>For a second, Harry realised that the easy joking of memories he’d lost was a bit easier. Maybe he could try again, his plans. The ones he shoved aside during the day. But the sun was down, and there were two people he had yet to meet for the first time <em> again. </em></p><p>“We still on for the Three Broomsticks tonight?” Harry asked.</p><p>“Definitely. Only if you’re still up for it, though. Today might’ve already been a lot for you,” Neville said, looking at Harry carefully.</p><p>“No no, I’m okay. A drink would be good.” </p><p>“Oh, yeah, I get that.” </p><p>At that moment, Minerva stood up and addressed the students. The announcements were over within seconds, and soon everyone had food appear in front of them.</p><p>Harry, mouth filled with as much as he could fit in it, finally looked over at the students in the Great Hall. The difference couldn’t have been avoided even if he wanted to ignore it. But it was there.</p><p>The four tables, one for each house, were no longer that. A mix of greens and yellows, blues and reds had taken over. What had been Gryffindor's table was now filled with a variety of colours, the same was with all the other tables. Yet, the laughter and conversations held no distance.</p><p>Harry looked at Minerva, who had gone back into a conversation with Flitwick and Slughorn, and marvelled at her. The house unity she tried so hard to achieve had not only come to reality, but it was even beyond what he thought was possible.</p><p>It wasn’t just a group of students coming together, it was the entire school. </p><p>Harry, with a heavy heart, realised just how much time had passed.</p><p>Harry continued to eat his dinner without conversation with anyone. He must’ve given off the vibe that he didn’t want to be spoken to, because Neville didn’t talk to him again after the school was dismissed and the food disappeared.</p><p>As the students filed out of the hall, led by their Heads and Prefects, Neville and Harry said their goodbyes to the professors. It was brief, but definitely needed as he gave Minerva and Hagrid one last hug.</p><p>“Are you sure you won’t be using my floo, Harry?” Minerva asked as she pulled away from the hug.</p><p>“I’m sure. Neville says Nott has his on international all the time. It would be easier.” </p><p>Minerva nodded and smiled in such a motherly way his heart swelled at the sight.</p><p> </p><p>*****</p><p>Neville and Harry left the castle and began walking towards Hogsmeade. They talked about whatever they could, from Quidditch to the Quibbler, potions to portkeys. It helped to ease the anxious feeling slowly creeping up behind him.</p><p>Nott and Goyle, two Slytherins that he could only recall as being unpleasant. But he did remember their distance in 8th year, how they never started fights or followed anyone blindly. Their walls were higher than ever last time he saw them, just as all Slytherins had been. Except maybe for Malfoy, Parkinson and Zabini.</p><p>All too soon, the Three Broomsticks came into view, and two silhouettes were talking just in front of it. </p><p>Neville, the absolute madman, left Harry and ran to them and hugged them tightly. Harry watched their greeting, soft kisses and gentle touches of hands. And for some reason, Malfoy came into his mind. </p><p>Harry tried to leave that thought for later. But his mind didn’t quite let him, as he ended up thinking about Malfoy’s hand in his, gripping tightly and lovingly. Just like it was held in St Mungo’s when he woke up, just like it was when he was asleep. </p><p>Before Harry could begin fidgeting, realising how empty his hand might feel, Nott spoke to him.</p><p>“Harry, how have you been?” </p><p>Nott held out his hand for a handshake. Harry looked at it, unsure of what to do. But when Nott’s hand started to fall, Harry grabbed it and smiled. </p><p>“Yeah, not too bad. You?” </p><p>“Same. New book is killing me,” Nott huffed. “At least sales are growing again.” </p><p>Nott looked a little different from the photos he had in his house. His hair was a little long, pulled into a messy bun. It was still just as dirty blonde as he remembered. The smile was new, along with that sparkle of life in his eyes. Outside the bar was too dark to see properly, but it was there. </p><p>Harry turned to look at Goyle, whose hands were in his pockets and seemed to shift his weight from one foot to the other. He was probably as uncomfortable as Harry felt, but he stuck his hand out for Goyle to shake, and put on a welcoming smile.</p><p>After all, these were his friends.</p><p>When Goyle shook his hand and smiled back with a hint of hesitation, Harry decided his plans would slowly go in motion.</p><p>“C’mon guys, let’s go in. It’s freezing out here,” Neville spoke up.</p><p>Harry wasn’t feeling cold at all but nodded anyway. Neville held tightly onto Nott and Goyle’s hands, and dragged them into the bar as Harry followed behind. </p><p>They sat down and ordered their drinks. Firewhiskey for both Nott and Neville, Goyle took a mulled mead, and Harry ordered butterbeer to a still youthful Madam Rosmerta.</p><p>Their conversation started very slowly, mainly just catching up between the three. Nott would loudly comment on how he hit a writing block every now and then, downing a shot quickly after. Neville and Goyle would laugh softly with him, and Harry, watching, did too.</p><p>Goyle was quiet himself, but he did talk about the repair shop when it came his turn to talk. If anyone had asked him what he saw, Harry would tell him of the peacefulness that Goyle gave off as he talked about his work. Even when he spoke of his machines, his voice was careful, as if even speaking of them they’d break.</p><p>When Harry was on his 3rd butterbeer, he felt himself finally loosen up. His auror observations were still strong, so he kept his mind on high alert. He would grab the memories of old Harry whether he liked it or not, he needed to feel the friendship he had with these two people. </p><p>How jealous Harry was of his old self, how he knew he’d be a better guest than he was now if only he remembered.</p><p>“You okay, Harry?” Goyle asked.</p><p>He hadn’t expected Goyle, out of all of them, to ask. But Neville and Nott were talking about leaves used as notepaper. Goyle looked at Harry with concern, but quickly tried to hide it with a sip of his mead.</p><p>“Yeah, ‘course.” Harry took a swing of his beer. “Actually, I’ve been meaning to ask, how did you all meet? Again, I mean.”</p><p>Harry, for the first time, saw how much love Goyle had for the two as Goyle looked over at his boyfriends with a soft smile. </p><p>“It was at Draco’s surprise birthday party. We, uh, all decided he needed one after everything that happened…” </p><p>“You mean with his mother in France?” </p><p>“Yeah, you remember that?” </p><p>Harry nodded, lying.</p><p>“While we were celebrating, our small friendship group of Slytherins, Neville called on the floo. He’d brought work with him, asking Draco if the plants were still okay for his potion brewing.” </p><p>“And then Neville realised what was happening, didn’t he?” </p><p>Goyle laughed. It was hearty and booming. “Yeah, he did. But I guess we were all too knackered to care, we let him in and celebrate with us.”</p><p>“And that’s how…”</p><p>“Yep, that’s how.” Nott chipped in, smirking.</p><p>Harry didn’t notice Nev and Nott’s conversation had quieted down. Neville was quiet, giving space and time for Harry to get used to Goyle and Nott. While it was nice and caring, he was actually feeling like he was suffocating.</p><p>“Oh, I bet Draco went on and on about what a matchmaker he is,” Harry joked, trying to get used to the way Draco felt on his tongue.</p><p>The words fell onto the trio’s ears, and they looked at him with surprise and hope. </p><p>“Yeah, he did, actually. How’d you know?” Goyle asked.</p><p>Harry took that opportunity. “He’s my boyfriend, I can imagine him doing it.” </p><p>The words felt like sour milk, and though it wasn’t a lie, he knew it was deceit. Guilt started to push up to the bottom of his throat, but he kept going.</p><p>“Yeah, at pretty much every event.” Neville noted.</p><p>“Oh, but he didn’t have time to parade about during that beach party!” Nott commented.</p><p>Harry laughed. “Draco got so sunburnt, the git put too much trust in those charms.” Words taken from Andromeda, and dressed up as if it were his own.</p><p>“You remember that?” Neville asked, genuinely happy.</p><p>“Yeah, how could I forget?” Harry lied through his teeth.</p><p>“Oh Merlin, I’ll never forget that,” Nott laughed, wiping a fake tear in his eyes. </p><p>Goyle himself was suppressing laughter, letting out a snicker every now and then. Harry laughed with them, feeling guilt but also a sense of freedom that only the Harry from before could have.</p><p>Harry looked at Neville, expecting him to be laughing too. But he wasn’t, he just looked at Harry knowingly. Fear grew and he felt it in his fingertips.</p><p>“A-Anyway,” Harry sputtered. “Did you hear about Draco’s potions shop getting more sales lately?”</p><p>Goyle sighed. “I saw the article, honestly. You’d think the reporters would stop hammering about with you.” </p><p>Nott nodded. “Yeah, you disappeared for a while though, stuck in St Mungo’s. Not many people know your current condition, though, which is good.” </p><p>“Since Draco’s shop blew up, my plants haven’t been growing enough to meet demand,” Neville added.</p><p>“Oh, yeah. He said something about additional suppliers. He’s been really stressed lately, I’m worried.” </p><p>When Harry’s mouth didn’t feel like it was turning inside out, he realised it was the first truly pure thing he said. No hint of deceit or hesitation. He was genuinely concerned about Malfoy’s wellbeing.</p><p>“Yeah, well. You know him, doesn’t let many people in when he’s very stressed,” Nott murmured into his shot of firewhiskey before swigging it.</p><p>“Yeah, you’re right…” Harry trailed off, and guilt grew back again, realising that he didn’t really know that, not completely.</p><p>They continued on like that, talking about Draco Malfoy slowly turning into talking about things they missed at the celebration in the Burrow.</p><p>“Sorry we couldn’t be there,” Goyle apologised.</p><p>“It’s okay, Ma-Draco and I left a little early anyways,” Harry smiled, hoping no one caught the slip up.</p><p>“Oh, why?” Nott asked.</p><p>Nott’s words were starting to slow the tiniest bit. Of course, enough firewhiskey and they’d be knocked out drunk. To be honest, Nott and Neville were holding themselves incredibly well with how many firewhiskeys they’ve had.</p><p>“Got a little overwhelmed,” Harry sipped at his butterbeer, knowing it’ll be his last. “I haven’t remembered anything then, so everything was new. The people, the connections.” </p><p>Harry ignored the burning eyes of Neville after what he had said. Yet, not part of his body told him to stop it. The guilt slowly burned at the bottom of his throat, yes, but his mind seemed to have taken off the chains.</p><p>Nott suddenly jumped and scrambled for his pockets, mumbling a jumbled mess of Harry’s words back to himself. After about 3 seconds, Nott had a muggle pen and notepad in his hand, scribbling messily onto the pages. </p><p>Goyle and Neville didn’t pay any mind, but Harry just looked in confusion.</p><p>“Are you okay?” He asked, Nott.</p><p>Nott didn’t reply, but thankfully Neville did. “He does that when he has a ‘spark of inspiration,’ he says.” </p><p>Neville and Goyle looked at Nott sitting between them, tongue slightly poking out as he continued to write quickly, as if the words were on a time limit. Harry felt like he was intruding, feeling the love and affection the three of them had for each other, so deep and true.</p><p>As if Harry’s thoughts weren’t enough, both Neville and Goyle swooped in and kissed Nott on both cheeks. Nott just swatted them both away and said, “Later, you gits, I gotta get this down.” </p><p>The table just laughed it off, and Harry tried not to feel jealous of what they had. He knew he had it once too, in the 5 year void in his mind. Malfoy came into his mind, in glimpses of smiles from breakfast, or quick looks of concern during dinner. </p><p>Harry wondered if Malfoy was okay, and had dinner since Harry wasn’t there to make sure of it.</p><p><em> How domestic </em> , Harry thought to himself. <em> Thinking about him like that, almost like a cou- </em></p><p>“Okay! I’m done,” Nott announced loudly, grabbing some of the attention from those in neighbouring tables.</p><p>Harry ducked his head, hoping no one would recognise him. Neville and Goyle immediately noticed his reaction, and said it would be best if we left now.</p><p>“It’s been a long night anyway, we should get going.” Neville said.</p><p>“Yeah, you’ve both drunk so much firewhiskey, I’m surprised you’re able to think properly.” Goyle retorted.</p><p>“You’re implying I ever think at all, honeeey,” Nott teased, emphasising the pet name.</p><p>Goyle just cringed and slapped Nott’s shoulder lightly. “Gross.” </p><p>Harry couldn’t help but laugh at that, hands immediately trying to cover his laughter that bubbled out of him uncontrollably. Goyle’s deadpan voice was so sudden and different from how he had been the entire time.</p><p>Even as they walked out of the pub, having already paid and gave Madam Rosmerta a hefty tip, Harry was still giggling. </p><p>Goyle apparated them to Nott’s apartment as it was obvious the alcohol was making itself more present in Nott’s system. He started singing a Celestina Warbeck song Harry didn’t know, but came to the conclusion he never wanted to listen to it ever.</p><p>Harry said his goodbye’s to Goyle and Nott, and thanked them for letting him join them on what he realised was a date night. Goyle just said it was fine while Nott, slightly slurred words and a lot more confidence than Nott could ever need, told him not to do it again since this was a freebie and ‘you lost the memories of us, how dare you?’</p><p>“Greg, give Nott a drink, there should be one more leaf in the cabinet.” Neville said, as he took off his coat.</p><p>Goyle dragged Nott into the kitchen.</p><p>“Leaf?” Harry asked.</p><p>“A component for sobering potion, great tea.” </p><p>“Huh.” Harry nodded in amazed understanding.</p><p>The apartment was small, but homey. Furniture didn’t fill up a lot of the space, but stacks of books and papers did. The books ranged from writing tips to fictional books, all filled with bookmarks made from ripped papers. </p><p>“Here’s the floo, Harry. International is on and everything,” Neville led Harry to the corner where the floo is</p><p>“Yeah about that, why does he have international all the time?” Harry wondered aloud.</p><p>“Editors, publishers, they’re all over the world. Sometimes Theo would go to different places to write, like if it’s at a wheatfield, he’ll spend a day there as if he was his characters.”</p><p>“Wow, that’s a lot of dedication,” Harry commented.</p><p>“He loves his work.” Neville’s voice had admiration laced into every letter, each syllable was dripping with amazement.</p><p>“I’m really happy for you, Nev. They’re brilliant boyfriends, and they treat you well.”</p><p>“Thank you, Harry. They didn’t show it, but they were nervous as all hell to meet you again.” Neville whispered.</p><p>Harry chuckled softly. “Yeah, same here.” </p><p>Harry pet Neville’s shoulder, and reached out for a handful of floo powder. Just before he could grab it though, Neville spoke with a firm voice.</p><p>“I know what you’re doing, by the way.” Neville’s voice shot right through Harry, and all the guilt, fear, and jealousy rose up like bubbling lava. </p><p>“What do you mean?” Harry asked, feigning ignorance.</p><p>Neville wasn’t taking it though. “They didn’t notice, but I did. Harry, I’ve known you since we were 11, so I know when you’re not thinking right.”</p><p>“Nev, I’m stuck, and this is the only way I can somehow move forward,” Harry whisper-shouted. </p><p>Neville looked at him with an immense amount of pity that Harry wanted to scream into an abyss. “Don’t. Don’t do whatever it is you’re doing. It’ll only make things worse, and you know it.”</p><p>“It’s the only thing that’s making me feel like I’m doing something while my memories are still missing!” Harry’s volume rose, desperation seeping into his words.</p><p>“It’s not a good idea, don’t do it. Do not.” Neville firmly stated.</p><p>Harry stared at him, eyebrows furrowed in anger, but eyes blinking away tears. All the emotions, every single one, that was bubbling and boiling over, ready to explode, started to dissipate. The tension left his body, and his shoulder sagged, arms swinging limblessly at his side.</p><p>“I don’t think I could stop even if I wanted to,” Harry replied as he grabbed the floo powder and stepped in.</p><p>“Harry…” Neville started, but with one look at Harry’s face, filled with conflict and confusion, he let it go. “Goodbye, it was good to see you again. I’ll beat you the next duel though.” </p><p>Harry gave a half hearted smile and nodded. “You can try.” </p><p>Neville watched as Harry called out his house and threw the powder to the ground. Dark green flames swirled over Harry’s vision until it became one he was more familiar with.</p><p>It was probably midnight, or even early morning, so Harry tiptoed quietly out of the floo. Malfoy would definitely already be upstairs sleeping, exhausted by the work day despite his day off tomorrow. Despite this, Harry was definitely surprised by what he saw.</p><p>Malfoy was laying on the couch in front of the floo, asleep in what looked to be silk pyjamas. Harry, stifling a scared scream, stared at him. What on earth was Malfoy doing, sleeping on the couch when there was a perfectly fine bed upstairs?</p><p>Harry debated on just leaving him there, since he was sound asleep. But one look at his position, and Harry knew Malfoy would wake up with several neck and back pains. Slowly, he shook Malfoy’s shoulder.</p><p>“Hey, Malfoy. Wake up, sleepy head.” </p><p>Malfoy just grumbled and groaned sleepily. “No thank you.” </p><p>Harry laughed softly and crouched down to eye level with Malfoy. He didn’t realise how close they were until Harry could count the lightest freckles on his cheeks. Harry moved back a bit, but he was already enamored.</p><p>Malfoy was truly and utterly beautiful.</p><p>Even now in sleep, pj’s messy, and hair poking out like Harry’s, he was just as beautiful as he was when he got ready for a day outside. Even now with a blank sleepy face, all Harry could see was the way he smiled and laughed, the way he did with his entire being, walls down but carefree and content.</p><p>Malfoy’s hair was just as soft as he expected it to be. Harry’s fingers carded gently through Malfoy’s hair, he watched as each hair fell gently, as if each strand was afraid it would make a sound. </p><p>“Harry?” Malfoy’s voice was thick with sleep. “You okay?”</p><p>Harry quickly took his hand away, and stood up. “Yeah, I’m fine.” He ignored the way his hand tingled, or the fast beating of his heart, or the way his chest leaped. “Why were you sleeping here?”</p><p>Malfoy slowly sat up, blinking him slowly awake in a way Harry had only seen once before when he woke up from St Mungo’s. “I was waiting for you,” Malfoy yawned. “Wanted to make sure you were okay when you got back.” </p><p>As if Harry’s heart couldn’t be any more happier, his mind was still unsure and uncertain. “Oh, thank you, that’s really kind.” </p><p>Malfoy just looked at him and laughed softly. “I am actually kind, Harry.” He joked sleepily.</p><p>“Yeah, I know. But thank you either way.” Harry held out his hand, for some reason wanting to reach out to him. “C’mon, you should sleep in a real bed.” </p><p>Malfoy took it, and didn’t let go even after he got up. One part of Harry was screaming at him to let go, the other was telling him to hold on even tighter. Harry ignored both of them with a fierce determination. </p><p>Malfoy was the first to let go when they reached the stairs. He yawned again and looked over at Harry with tired eyes. </p><p>“Goodnight, Harry.”</p><p>Malfoy opened the spare bedroom door, and walked in. </p><p>“Goodnight, Draco.” </p><p>Harry walked to his bedroom, and flopped onto the bed. The tiredness and alcohol began to cover Harry like a just-too-heavy weighted blanket. He folded his glasses, took out his wand, and placed both of them on the bedside table. </p><p>Just before sleep could take over, Harry’s eyes shot open. His hands covered his mouth, and his mind felt like there was an intense alarm wee-wooing in his head.</p><p>Harry had just called Malfoy ‘Draco,’ and it didn’t feel wrong rolling off his tongue. </p><p>“Yeah, okay,” Harry laughed bitterly. “Let’s think about that later,” Harry whispered into the emptiness of his room.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Don't (Part 2)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sometimes, things will get worse before they get better. Harry knows this. He's lived it and lost it. <br/>Here's to part 2.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Isolt is perched on his shoulder. She’s been there for a while, ever since he came down actually. He knows he hasn’t seen her for a while, and feels incredibly bad about it. He even offered her the top of his head, feeling guilty. But she settled for his shoulder.</p><p>As Harry was leaning against the wall, window open and wind blowing through steadily, he sighed. Yesterday was insane. The rush of emotions all packed into a 24hr box, wrapped in sandpaper and held together with weak spellotape.</p><p>Not to mention Neville’s words of warning, borderline on a threat, but knowing he meant well. It was difficult and it didn’t make Harry feel any better. He knew he’d probably keep going with it. </p><p>He just needed a break, just one day of no plans or interactions. </p><p>But if there was nothing to do, there was everything to think about. He’d end up in his office that had become increasingly difficult to stay in. It was annoying he couldn’t stay there, as if the two Harry’s of this world couldn’t coexist, it was one or the other, and Harry knew it wasn’t meant to be him.</p><p>But it was now.</p><p>“Harry?” Malfoy called out.</p><p>Harry looked towards the kitchen, Malfoy’s head poking out. He remembered the way it did the first day he came here. How far the both of them had come, how far they had yet to go.</p><p>“Yeah?” </p><p>“Nothing!” Malfoy singsonged, then disappeared before the wall again. </p><p>Harry gave a soft chuckle, and shook his head. Malfoy must be in a good mood, it’s his day off after all. A much deserved break. </p><p>He held out his left arm for Isolt to land on. Gradually, his eyes landed on a piece of scarred skin, one he didn’t even remember having since he was covered in a myriad of them.</p><p>‘I must not tell lies,’ it said. The blood left Harry’s face, and he stared at it. Even with Isolt moving down, hooting softly, Harry didn’t take his eyes off of the words.</p><p>Everything was screaming. <em> Run. </em></p><p>Where? Harry didn’t know. From what? He didn't know that either. But the adrenaline shot through his veins. Even with energy bursting in his body, he stayed still and staring.</p><p><em> You’re a liar, </em> Harry told himself. <em> You’ve lied a lot lately. </em></p><p>And his mind descended into a spiral. He wasn’t sure if he was even breathing anymore. Was there still blood in his veins? Beating of his heart?</p><p>“Harry?” </p><p>A soft voice, careful, concerned. A gentle shake of his shoulder. Then light grey eyes looking into his as Harry felt himself slowly go back into his body.</p><p>“Are you okay?” </p><p>Malfoy’s voice was so soft, like it would be the final push for Harry to go over the edge. Oh, how it was the complete opposite.</p><p>Harry, not trusting his voice, slowly nodded. His arm went back to his side, the words slowly drifting out of his mind. </p><p>“Are you sure?” </p><p>Harry wasn’t in his right mind yet. He knew this because why else would Harry want to listen to Malfoy talk more than necessary? </p><p>“Yeah,” Harry cleared his throat. “Yeah, I’m okay. I don’t know what happened.” </p><p>Malfoy studied him closely, then smiled softly. “Isolt came to me, hooting all over the place. Now I’ve got grease splatters on my shirt.” </p><p>Somehow, that made Harry feel a little better. Isolt stood proud on Malfoy’s shoulder, unaware of his shirt stain dilemma.</p><p>“It’s bacon and eggs today?” Harry said, noticing the smell of bacon in the air.</p><p>Malfoy grinned. “Yeah, I’m starving.” </p><p>“You need to let me cook eventually, you know that, right?” Harry joked, elbowing Malfoy.</p><p>“Hm, sounds like a problem for tomorrow.” </p><p>Malfoy waltzed back into the kitchen, Isolt still perched on his shoulder. Harry himself went over to the table and sat down, waiting patiently. </p><p>In record time, Malfoy walked in with two plates, bacon and eggs galore for his day off. Harry knew Malfoy deserved it, the time off. He’d been stressed with increasing sales, masking it with a proud smile. </p><p>Halfway into breakfast, a silver-blue wispy lynx burst into the room, scaring the heart out of everyone in the room, including Isolt. When they regained their composure, Harry knew his day off would not be that at all.</p><p>“Harry, please come to my office. We must discuss your work as an auror.” The lynx disappeared into the air, taking Kingsley Shacklebolt’s voice with it.</p><p>Harry slumped forward and sighed in exhaustion. </p><p>“You’re… going back to work?” Malfoy asked carefully.</p><p>Harry looked up at him, and watched as Malfoy began to slowly pull up his walls. He wasn’t looking at Harry, in fact, he was looking intensely at the half-eaten plate of breakfast in front of him. It even looked as if Malfoy hadn’t slept at all, despite knowing for a fact that he did.</p><p>“Guess I have to. I mean, I’ve recovered pretty well,” Harry answered, just as carefully.</p><p>With a smile that was way too forced, Malfoy mumbled, “Tell Kingsley I said hello.”</p><p>Before Harry could realise something had gone terribly wrong, Malfoy had grabbed his plate and left, disappearing upstairs. Even Isolt seemed to give him a stink eye as he stayed loyally on Malfoy’s shoulder.</p><p>After a few minutes of just staring at the empty staircase, Harry finally moved. He left his unfinished plate of food and followed Malfoy up the stairs, wondering what had happened, what was wrong.</p><p>When he looked into the spare bedroom to find it empty, his heart fell. Harry peeked into his bedroom, and came up with nothing there either. Malfoy's office was shut tight, with Isolt and Malfoy inside. Harry didn’t need a big ‘No Entry’ sign to know he wasn’t welcome.</p><p>With a heavy sigh, and a want for communication, he walked down the stairs. He put on the bare minimum into getting ready to see Kingsley, knowing that his clothes would get sweaty anyway, and left the house. </p><p>He shivered past the wards, the feeling of Malfoy’s magic showering over him. Without a moment to spare, he walked straight to the apparition point. The feeling of his body swirling into itself as he spun on the spot, thinking of the Ministry entrance.</p><p>The Ministry entrance hadn’t changed at all from the last time he could remember being there. The same boring large doors, same blank faced people going in and out of those doors. Maybe in another life he would’ve loved entering those doors at least once.</p><p>He walked in with a purpose, a bounce in his strut. The feeling of the familiar auror authority from a lifetime ago surrounded him. The receptionist didn’t even glance his way as he continued on straight to Kingsley’s office.</p><p>His fist held high, about to knock on the door when he heard a familiar voice.</p><p>“-Your call, I can’t make that decision, sir.” Ron’s voice carried through the closed door.</p><p>Not wanting to know any bit of that conversation, Harry stepped away until his back pressed up against the opposite wall.He waited patiently, for their meeting to be finished. No one paid him any mind as they whizzed back and forth in urgency.</p><p>For some reason, Harry couldn’t gather their same intensity. He could remember jumping right into action the moment someone else was in a state of hurry within the aurors department. But now he wanted to hold back and wait. </p><p>Before Harry could spend more time thinking about that new and scary observation, the door opened. Ron walked out, Kingsley following suit.</p><p>“Oh, hi Harry,” Ron smiled brightly. </p><p>“Hey, Ron.” Harry returned the smile. “Everything okay?”</p><p>Ron let out a long sigh. “As okay as they can be, it’s been pretty crazy lately.” </p><p>“Take it easy, mate.” </p><p>“Yeah. Yeah, I will.” Ron nodded and started walking off. “You too.” </p><p>Kingsley, still standing in the doorway, nodded to Harry. “Welcome back, Harry.” </p><p>“Feels good to be back,” Harry said.</p><p>Kingsley looked at him oddly for a second before closing the door behind him. “Let’s do some physical checks.” </p><p>Harry nodded and followed him through to the training rooms for new aurors.Past the swimming pools and training dummies, classrooms and blackboards. He remembered training vigorously for a year with Ron struggling beside him, jokes and laughter while puffing exhaustedly.</p><p>He remembered strategies and protocols being drilled into their brains. Drawn up plans of action, and veteran aurors telling us why each was successful or a failure. How life seemed to be looking up for him, that his future seemed to be coming up and it was.</p><p>That’s gone now, though. Harry lost hope every passing second. Nothing had come yet, no memories of passing smiles or bouts of laughter. No beach parties or wedding celebrations. Nothing. </p><p>They walked into one of the health examination rooms, and found a familiar face smiling at him.</p><p>“Tina! What are you doing here?” Harry asked as he walked in.</p><p>“Hi, Harry. I’m the one making sure you’re fit for auror work again.” She pulled up a clipboard. “Now, let’s get started, shall we?”</p><p>It was the usual tests of stamina, strength, flexibility, and reflexes. The three of them must’ve gone all around the auror department to check everything. From sprinting 50 metres in record time, to duelling Kingsley himself, it was exhausting, but exhilarating.</p><p>Yet, something felt off. </p><p>Like a small part of his heart shook its head sadly at him, disappointed. His mind was, for the first time, silent. Harry gave himself completely to the experience of the blood pumping through his veins, his breath short and quick, muscles straining from the sudden use. </p><p>Hours passed, and Harry barely got a break to breathe before lunch was finally taken in the cafeteria. Kingsley and healer Tina by his side, talking about Harry’s results.</p><p>“He’s doing very well, considering how long he was asleep,” Tina said, flipping her notes. “I was most concerned when he got hit in the abdomen during the duel, but he took it as well as a healthy patient normally would.” </p><p>Harry took another bite from his sandwich, something light for lunch. “It doesn’t hurt anymore, Tina. I don’t know what happened, but I feel like I’m supposed to.”</p><p>“So he’s all clear?” Kingsley asked, sticking to the goal.</p><p>“Yep. If he is up to your standards for auror training, then I believe he’ll be okay.” Tina took a sip from her cup. “However, Harry, you should be careful. Don’t make another mistake like that. You’ve been in St Mungo’s too many times, even if you don’t remember it.” </p><p>Harry nodded, feeling confused and a sinking of his heart. Why was it that when he thinks about going back to the field, part of his body fights it? Has he become scared of the work now?</p><p>“Thank you, healer Tina. I’ll keep in touch if anything should arise.” Kingsley shook her hand.</p><p>“Thank you!” Harry smiled.</p><p>“You two stay safe, healthy, and alive, preferably.” And with those words, she was gone.</p><p>They stayed in the cafeteria for a bit longer. Peak lunch hour was over, and the cafeteria was barren. He’d missed the chance to see Ron again, but didn’t mind too much. His best friend was always within reach. </p><p>After finishing his food, and relaxing his muscles for a bit, Harry and Kingsley walked back to his office. </p><p>The office had changed a lot from what he remembered it was five years ago. There were pictures now hung on the wall, all sorts of people together, standing next to Kingsley. It seemed to range from ministry events to personal celebrations. Even the curtains were open wide, letting in the sunlight. It was so different from the empty and cold office Kinglsey used to have.</p><p>With a strong jab in his heart, Harry realised that his Kingsley had changed.</p><p>The other Harry would have seen this change slowly over time. Every check in for work to check in as friends. Maybe he even suggested the picture frames and wider window, thinner curtains, and decluttered corners.</p><p>Harry didn’t know, but he knew the other Harry did. </p><p>His emotions were all over the place, as he sat down on the chair in front of Kingsley’s desk. Familiar bubbles of jealousy, hope being strangled by desperation. Nothing makes sense.</p><p>“How are you going with everything, Harry?” Kingsley asked.</p><p>All of Harry’s life, he’s been asked this question. For some reason, this particular time irritated him just that little bit more.</p><p>“I’m doing fine,” Harry replied, controlling the emotions. “It’s been hard since getting out of St Mungo’s, my memory and all.” </p><p>“I heard about that, Tina told me. I hope you didn’t mind,” Kingsley quickly added. </p><p>Harry shook his head. “No, not at all. It’s expected, considering you’re my boss.” </p><p>Kingsley gave a confused face. “I’m also your friend, Harry.” </p><p>“Of course!” Harry quickly jumped at making amends. “I just meant, it was a work incident, case files, the whole thingy, y’know?” </p><p>Harry’s hands were gesturing wildly, trying to convey his message through weird actions and stumbling words. He could imagine Malfoy on the side, laughing at his silliness.</p><p>Kingsley just chuckled. “Yeah, I know. I was just joking.” </p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>“But seriously, how have you been doing? You saw your friends and everything?”</p><p>So that’s what this is about. Harry spent enough time as an auror, even without his memories, to know when someone is trying to get a gauge on your mental health. He’d done it many times before, and even did it for his own gain.</p><p>This is an environment that both of them knew very well. Harry wanted to go back into work, wanted to be back on the field, regardless of what that small voice in his head was saying. </p><p>He couldn’t stand it in the house anymore, surrounded by things he didn’t remember. Endless hours spent looking for memories that he began wondering if they existed anymore. He’s done with it. He’s going back.</p><p>“Yeah, I have. Everyone’s being so nice.” Harry wasn’t lying, they really were. The problem was him. “I’ve been seeing Hermione and Ron, and yesterday I went to Hogwarts.” </p><p>Kingsley leaned forward and rested his chin on his hands. “That’s really good. Tell me about it.” </p><p>Harry recounted everything he could without giving too much away. He spoke of the Burrow to seeing Teddy, from going to the muggle restaurant with his friends to seeing everyone at Hogwarts. There were no lies, but he avoided talking about the crying.</p><p>“...So yeah, that’s how it’s been.” Harry shrugged.</p><p>His throat hurt slightly. Telling stories truly wasn’t his strong point, evident by his constant backtracking and stops in the middle of his sentences. But Kingsley, probably used to it, didn’t care.</p><p>“You haven’t gotten any memories back?”</p><p>Harry’s jaw clenched, and his eyes glowed red for a single millisecond. But it was all masked quickly with a sad smile. </p><p>He shook his head. “No, nothing yet.” </p><p>Kingsley deflated slightly, and leaned back onto his seat. “I see. That’s a shame.” </p><p>Harry didn’t want to get into this conversation, but he knew Kingsley was testing him somehow. “It is, but when has life ever given me a free pass?”</p><p>“You’re right, if anyone can get through something like this, it’ll be you.” Kingsley said encouragingly. </p><p>It was genuine, Harry knew. The support was such a reflection of everyone else he’s met. All his friends and family, even the waitress Lara who didn’t know any of it, were so supportive.</p><p>But it wasn’t meant to be for him. He hadn’t built up that connection with them, suffered through the awkward introductions or the slow development of friendship. Harry felt like he was cheating, in a way. Jealousy flared in his chest.</p><p>“Thank you,” Harry put on a smile. </p><p>“How is Draco by the way?” </p><p>That stopped Harry’s mind in its track. “He’s doing well.” </p><p>“Does he know you’re here?” Kingsley asked carefully.</p><p>Harry didn’t know how to proceed. There were too many unknowns in how things are in this world he woke up to. Kingsley and Malfoy were on good terms, maybe even good friends. He realised, as if his mind couldn’t help but betray him, that not only has he lost memories of his own friendships, but also the friendship of his friends.</p><p>How can anyone live with that?</p><p>Struggling to keep his emotions in check, and spoke through gritted teeth. “Yes, he does.” </p><p>Kingsley didn’t move or react at all. He just kept his analysing eyes on him. “How’d he handle it? I assume you both talked it out over a nice breakfast.”</p><p>Harry couldn’t help scoffing. “No, we didn’t actually. He just left and went to his office.”</p><p>“Why do you think so?”</p><p>As if he hadn’t been thinking about that the entire day. Like somehow Malfoy was always in the back of his mind, being as grouchy and closed off as he was this morning. Harry picked and prodded at his brain for an answer, but nothing came up. </p><p>He didn’t know anything from the last five years, let alone what Draco Malfoy was thinking. There was so much stress and tension in his brain already from the day before, now add onto the events of today, he could feel himself slipping.</p><p>“I don’t know,” Harry replied blankly.</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>Harry tried to breathe normally. He knew a given opportunity when he saw it, and Kingsley handed it to him on a silver plate. Thankful that Kingsley didn’t push him, he gave a small smile. But even so, his brain started caving into itself.</p><p>“Harry,” Kingsley started after a few moments of peaceful silence. “I’m assigning you to the case investigative group.”</p><p>Harry blinked at Kingsley, taking in his words for processing.</p><p>Then it clicked.</p><p>Now, if anyone asked Harry what happened, he’d lie and say he took the news with the calm and collected mindset worthy of the Minister herself. That he understood the decision, and knew it was for the best. After all, his boss is his friend and has watched him grow from a young boy to now.</p><p>What really happened was pretty much the opposite. He stood up faster than humanly possible and had already had such a burst of magic that the room rumbled, shaking the frames on the walls. It all happened in less than a second, but it was enough time for Harry’s mind to catch up and realise what he’d done.</p><p>He stepped back, away from Kingsley’s desk and simply asked with betrayal laced in one syllable, “Why?” </p><p>Kingsley stood up slowly, mirroring Harry’s stance but with a gentle kindness in it. “You’re not mentally ready to get back on the field. You need a change of perspective, it’s what almost got you killed.” </p><p>Perspective? Harry wanted to vomit. How could everyone else not see that all Harry did was for everyone else? All his life, he’s been looking at other people’s side of views, how society perceived him, his friends too. It’s all he’s known, how was it not enough? </p><p>Harry knew deep down, that if the auror raid was successful, he’d do everything the same again. He didn’t know anything else but results, that’s what everyone had dug into his mind.</p><p>“So putting me on a desk job will do the trick?” A bitter laugh escaped him, one rumbling with the depths of his belly, filled with disbelief and anger. “I can’t do anything if I’m not moving, Kingsley! My entire life has been moving, always doing something.”</p><p>“Isn’t that the perfect reason why? You don’t know what other things there are, Harry.”</p><p>He’s known Kingsley for a while, even without the five year void, but even so, it didn’t click fast enough. The Kingsley speaking to him right now wasn’t his boss, it was his friend. </p><p>“Don’t tell me I’m wrong,” Kingsley added. “Don’t make it harder.” </p><p>Harry felt himself deflate. There was nothing he could do. He saw the unmoving face, the stubborn tone, and knew it would be a losing fight.</p><p>“Okay,” Harry huffed angrily. “Fine. I’ll do it.” </p><p>Kingsley seemed to release his own tension too. “Thank you. I’ll inform them of your arrival.” </p><p>“So when do I start?” </p><p>“You could start tomorrow, or the day after that. Just make sure it’s within 5 days, and that you let me know at least a day beforehand.” </p><p>Harry nodded, and turned to leave. </p><p>“Thanks, Kingsley. See you soon.” </p><p>“Bye, Harry,” Kingsley called out behind him. “Take care.” </p><p>Harry closed the door behind him, and walked out of those Ministry doors in no better state than when he entered.</p><p> </p><p>*****</p><p>When he got home, Malfoy had emerged from his office, and was surrounded by books and papers in the lounge room. Harry took a deep breath and sat down next to him on the floor.</p><p>He looked at the mess and was met with all types of notes about potions. For a brief moment, he thought of Kiana and hoped she was okay. Then he changed his focus solely on Malfoy beside him, ignoring Harry’s presence and staring at the notes.</p><p>Harry leaned forward into Malfoy’s line of sight. He gave a sheepish smile. “Hi.” </p><p>Malfoy sighed and finally looked at Harry. “How did it go? Going on the field tomorrow then?”</p><p>He leaned back while shaking his head. “No, Kingsley assigned me to a desk job.” </p><p>“Did he now?” Malfoy’s eyebrow was raised.</p><p>It was silent now as Malfoy moved some of the papers around. Harry watched on as he tried to think of what to say. On one hand he wanted to ask about earlier, but he was afraid Malfoy would walk off again. Harry really didn’t want that.</p><p>“Malfoy,” He started slowly. “What happened back there?”</p><p>Malfoy sighed, but kept rearranging his papers in an order that Harry didn’t quite understand. “Why don’t you guess?”</p><p>“I don’t have a clue, Malfoy. I thought…” </p><p>“Thought what, Harry?” Malfoy asked gently, but not without an undertone of exasperation.</p><p>“That you’d be happy for me?” Harry shrugged as he watched the papers move from one side to another. “That you’d understand that I need to have a job? That I enjoy being in the aurors? I don’t know.” </p><p>Malfoy laughed out a sigh. “I support you, Harry. You know that.” A pause. “It might not seem like it now, but just know I do support you.” </p><p>This conversation was odd. They weren’t looking at each, but their hearts were slowly making themselves known. </p><p>“Then what happened this morning?” </p><p>Malfoy’s hands rested on his lap. The papers stopped moving, and the order was still unknown to Harry. Plants and potions all over the floor, scribbles and scratches galore. </p><p>“I almost lost you to the aurors.” Malfoy whispered.</p><p>Harry sucked in a breath, and slowly let it out. </p><p>Truthfully, Harry had a feeling it was about that. Deep down somewhere in his heart he knew the answer, even if his mind had no idea. Maybe that’s why it didn’t feel like a revelation.</p><p>“But you didn’t, Malfoy.” Harry looked at him and smiled, even if Malfoy wouldn’t look at him. “I’m still here.” </p><p>“And one day you won’t.” Malfoy looked at him imploringly. “This isn't the first time you’ve ended up in St Mungos, Harry. Not the first time you’ve been out for days on end, with me crying at your side.” </p><p>Harry gulped, drowning in the mix of fear, hatred, and desperation in Malfoy’s eyes. </p><p>“Malf-” </p><p>“No, Harry.” Malfoy looked back at the papers and began shuffling them faster than before. “We’ve had this conversation countless times before but you don’t remember, so I’m going to tell you for the first time again. I support your career choice, Harry. I love how passionate you are about it, but... There are other ways to help the world and save people.” </p><p>“Fighting is all I know, it’s what I’m good at.” Harry countered. “I want to be able to use my experiences for good.” </p><p>Malfoy started shuffling even faster. There were only so many combinations in which the papers could be rearranged. Surely Malfoy had created each one at least twice.</p><p>“I know.” </p><p>“What?”</p><p>“You’ve said it before. But it won’t change what I think, what I’ve felt.” Malfoy slowed down, and took a deep breath. “Just give this desk job a try, yeah?” </p><p>Malfoy still wasn’t looking at Harry. But Malfoy was all Harry could look at right now. That calm and collected nature, the way his voice didn’t rise anywhere near a shout. Harry could do with a big dose of that, knowing how his emotions took over much quicker than anyone else.</p><p>“Okay,” Harry whispered now, looking at the floor and thinking. “I have to anyway.” </p><p>Harry didn’t even notice the fact that Malfoy had stopped shuffling, finally approving of the combination of papers surrounding each other, until Malfoy got up. Curiosity got the better of him, and he looked at the array of knowledge. </p><p>He tried to decipher it, each time coming close, but not quite there.</p><p>Harry laughed quietly to himself. “It’s like organised chaos,” He whispered.</p><p>For some reason, his heart did a flip at those words.</p><p>“Harry, let’s go buy some stuff for dinner.” Malfoy said from the hallway.</p><p>Harry got up, unsure about leaving the papers on the floor but trusting Malfoy’s decision. “But I’m a mess right now, give me a few minutes.” </p><p>Before he could even move, he felt a new cleanliness wash over him. It was refreshing and filled with Malfoy’s magic. It lingered for a moment before slowly washing away. </p><p>Harry looked at Malfoy with surprise. But he just smirked and shrugged in response.</p><p>“Magic does help.” Malfoy told Harry, as if he was a little kid.</p><p>Like the mature adult he is, Harry pulled a face at Malfoy. As expected, he got one back.</p><p>“Let’s just go, <em> Malfoy </em>.” Harry said, walking towards the door.</p><p>“Of course, <em> Potter </em>.” </p><p>Harry got as far as passing the wards before he realised he didn’t know where they were going. He turned back and waited for Malfoy who was, for some reason, locking the door with an actual key.</p><p>“We lock the door?” Harry asked when Malfoy was within hearing distance. </p><p>“I do,” Malfoy replied. “The store’s just a few minutes walk from here.” </p><p>“Huh.” </p><p>True to his word, the walk was no longer than 15 minutes. But the path was convoluted as all hell. Twists and turns, lefts and rights, and somehow they passed the same tree twice. Malfoy just looked at him weirdly when Harry commented on it.</p><p>They got their food and Malfoy paid, with muggle money no less, and a complete understanding of its workings. He even went as far as participating in small talk with the cashier before they started walking back home.</p><p>Harry just kept his mouth shut, he’d already stepped past a lot of Malfoy’s mental sanity checkpoints today. Yet, he knew he was amazed with Malfoy. The completely new Malfoy, miles ahead of the one in his memories.</p><p>He still wondered how they met, what happened, what changed. What have they done? What did they plan to do? And yet, again, Harry was jealous of the old Harry and what he had. What he lost.</p><p>“So what’s for dinner?” Harry asked while they walked back.</p><p>Malfoy hummed happily which made Harry very suspicious. “My favourite, and <em> your </em> least favourite.”</p><p>“Which is…?”</p><p>“Chicken liver schnitzel.”</p><p>Harry fought to go right back to the store and buy some other food that he’d cook. Hell, he’d even take two minute cup noodles. But Malfoy just laughed and reminded Harry he didn’t have money.</p><p>A few hours later, both of them were pleasantly surprised when Harry discovered he didn’t actually mind it anymore.</p><p> </p><p>*****</p><p>The next two days were completely uneventful. With Malfoy going to work, Harry started getting back into his workout. A slow build up was what he needed, so he began with sticking to morning runs. The cool morning air mixed with the thin layer of sweat was an experience he didn’t know he missed.</p><p>After the two days, he went back to the Ministry. He tried to keep an optimistic mindset, thinking that maybe the job won’t be as terrible as he was making it out to be.</p><p>He was wrong.</p><p>It started off when he walked through those entrance doors. A rush of aurors ran quickly, urgency seeping off their skin. For a moment, Harry started running too, until he realised he wasn’t authorised to be with them. </p><p>In frustration and a pang of jealousy, he turned fast. Which, of course, resulted in him crashing into another person. The room’s floor was covered in newspapers. Once he got his bearings, he helped the person pick them up.</p><p>It didn’t even occur to him until he was riding up the elevator that his name was the headline. Again. He didn’t remember it word for word but he knew it was something to do with his ministry visit a few days ago. Why his face was still in the news, he didn’t want to know.</p><p>Finally, he reached the investigative section in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. He looked around at the desks, stacks of folders on top of each one. A little past the room of desks, there was a clear glass door and what looked like a sanitary station. On the table were a few wrapped items.</p><p>“Hello, Harry.” </p><p>Harry turned to face the voice, and almost jumped at the surprise. Lavender Brown was smiling up at him welcomingly.</p><p>Lavender, how long it’s been since he even last thought of her. He felt terrible, knowing he hadn’t seen her since graduation. But even as the scars on her face only seemed to have darkened, her smile seemed a lot more confident. </p><p>“Lavender? You work here?” He asked, gesturing wildly to the entire investigative group.</p><p>She nodded in reply as she looked over them with pride. “I do,” She said. “In fact, I’m head of the Investigatives.” </p><p>“Wow, that’s so,” He struggled to find the right words. “I’m happy for you.”</p><p>Lavender smiled another sun filled smile, and began walking. “Come on, let me show you to your desk.” </p><p>As they walked, it seemed like the room got bigger. More desks filled with people showed up, and Harry began to wonder when the area really started, and where it really ended. </p><p>They stopped in front of a desk near the back, out of the eyes of many people. Harry was going to mention just how far from the door it was, but when he looked back, the door looked like it hadn’t moved at all.</p><p>“What a strange room.” Harry commented as he looked back at the desk.</p><p>“Not strange, it’s just enchanted to make the room seem more manageable. It helps people concentrate. If the room expanded to it’s full size…” </p><p>Harry nodded in understanding. The small area was perfect for studying and thinking. It had the aura of the Hogwarts library but it didn’t make you feel like you were drowning in books.</p><p>“Thank you,” He told her gratefully. “Do you know why Kingsley brought me here, by the way?”</p><p>Lavender shook her head. “Nope, and I don’t really need to know either. Kingsley made it seem important, but confidential. I understand. Took them long enough to give you a break though.” </p><p>Harry sighed in relief. Confidentiality is one of the utmost important things working in this department. Lavender, Ron, Harry and everyone working under Kingsley Shacklebolt understood its importance.</p><p>“Okay, thank you.” Harry moved to sit down, but Lavender stopped him.</p><p>“Not so fast, Harry. I just showed you the desk, there’s a lot more to being in the investigatives.” </p><p>Harry was dragged across what felt like the entire department floor, but one he’d never seen before. There were rooms for almost anything you could think of when it came to investigation. </p><p>There were designated areas that held a constant sanitary charm on them. Each one held specific contents of evidence for all the cases put on their desks. The evidence was either carefully wrapped in plastics or under a stasis charm. </p><p>When he asked Lavender why they don’t stasis everything, she glared at him the way Hermione used to when he was studying for his NEWTs. </p><p>“All charms have an essence of magic,” Lavender explained. “Too much magic, and it ruins the evidence. Sometimes it mixes with the lingering bits of magic and nullifies it, other times it makes it stronger and difficult to analyse. Plastics are the best things we can do for now to avoid that.”</p><p>Harry didn’t think about that. From what he could remember from working in the aurors, he never gave a thought as to where the evidence goes. Whether it be a body part of a pillowcase, all of it ended up in something like that until the case was closed.</p><p>He didn’t realise he never thought about the people who cleaned up the mess.</p><p>Aside from the evidence areas, there were small rooms spaced out amongst the place. Each room held a single pensieve and what seemed to be a vast collection of memories held in glass vials. </p><p>“The vials are the same throughout all the rooms, but each needs a case ID and assigned member ID to access. So many memories, so many important details of a case waiting to be found.” </p><p>Lavender moved up to the shelves littered with lifetimes.</p><p>That was the first of many moments Harry realised Lavender Brown was completely and utterly in love with her job.</p><p>“You deserve the head position,” He told her as they walked out of the pensieve room.</p><p>“Yeah?” She smiled. “What makes you say that?” </p><p>Harry shrugged. “You love your job so much, your passion for it is amazing.” </p><p>Lavender looked at him oddly, an eyebrow raised in question. “Of course, I love my job. Don’t you?”</p><p>Harry kept walking, unsure of what to say as each option felt like a lie.</p><p>The next few rooms were grand. There were rooms with pin boards to help visual and keep track of the timeline of cases, rooms filled with muggle criminology textbooks that lead off into the wizarding ones, room filled with international floo call lines, and even areas for language and code decryptions. </p><p>He never thought that the investigative group could have so many resources. It was incredible, yet overwhelming. There was a lot of take in, and it seemed to weigh deeply in Harry’s mind.</p><p>“That’s the end of the tour. Any questions?” Lavender asked as she led him back to his desk.</p><p>“I don’t think my brain has finished processing the library yet.” </p><p>Lavender laughed and patted his shoulder. “Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it.” </p><p>Harry flopped on his chair and put his head on the table. He sighed deeply and closed his eyes, trying to understand this whole new thing. He groaned in anguish.</p><p>“Send me a message if you need me,” Lavender said. “You don’t need to start any cases today if you don’t think you’re up for it. But you’ll be expected to be in top shape tomorrow.”</p><p>And with those lovely last words, she left. Harry decided to have a nap.</p><p> </p><p>*****</p><p>The next day was torture. The moment he sat down, a stack of folders appeared on his desk. There were only three cases, but the details made it seem like a thousand. Harry almost wanted to cry.</p><p>He skimmed through the cases, trying to choose which one he’d focus on. The second one was most interesting. It was focused on the disappearance of a young woman. </p><p>He glazed over the details. Name: Lia Adwin. Would be age 22 now, disappeared 5 years ago, short punk styled hair, tan skin, and short. Has a scar on her lip that goes down to her chin. </p><p>The most interesting part was that each witness, every connection that Lia had with any other person seemed to describe different people. Her best friend seemed to suggest that the disappearance was planned, while another said she was kidnapped.</p><p>Through and through there were inconsistencies and confusion. The only definite was that she was missing, and to this day, no traces, magical or not, have been found to close the case.</p><p>That day he spent at his desk, making sure all the details were ingrained in his head. He only got up for the occasional hit of coffee.</p><p>Lavender came around once to check on him, but left as soon as she realised he was in ‘the zone,’ as she called it. </p><p>He didn’t realise it was late until Isolt landed on top of the other case folders on his desk. Isolt had to peck and prod at Harry until he finally tore his eyes away from the papers.</p><p>“Oh, Merlin. What time is it?” Harry facepalmed himself.</p><p>He cast a quick <em> tempus </em> then inwardly groaned. It was 8’oclock. Hours had passed since he was meant to leave. He looked around at his co-workers, expecting to see each desk empty. </p><p>But it wasn’t. There were people reading, some snoozing, some packing up for the day. Despite their shift hours being done, they still worked a bit overtime. It looked… Voluntary.</p><p>Harry sighed as he took the letter from Isolt’s foot.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> ‘Harry, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You better just be late because if I get a call from St Mungo’s tonight for any reason, I’m gonna kill you as soon as you wake up.’ </em>
</p><p> </p><p>A snort of laughter left his mouth. Isolt nipped gently at his hands. He told her he wasn’t going to write a reply, and that she should go home, that he’ll be there soon.</p><p>Isolt didn’t buy it, and nipped a little harder. </p><p>Harry, true to his word, started packing his stuff. He filed the folders into his desk drawers, noting to check the pensieve memories of interviews and interrogations tomorrow. </p><p>As he began to walk away from his desk, Isolt flew out the door. Harry realised that he didn’t worry about Isolt anymore. That he either didn’t feel the need to, or the want to, and that when he got home, she’ll be there.</p><p>The moment he walked out of the floo and into his living room, Malfoy hit him with a ladle. </p><p>“Next time you do overtime, bloody tell me!” </p><p>His words were dripping with a mix of fear and anger. Malfoy went on and on about how worried and annoyed at Harry he was, how much he hated him even. But Harry didn’t really mind, he could smell his favourite  soup cooking in the kitchen.</p><p>The next few days were terrible. </p><p>Harry’s had a lot of hit or miss experiences when it came to change. Finding out you’re a wizard? Definite hit. Waking up to find your entire 5 years of life memories are gone? Definite miss. Killing Voldemort? Hit. Losing so many in the process? Miss.</p><p>But what no one told Harry was how incredibly frustrating stagnancy was. </p><p>Nothing came to him no matter what he looked into when it came to this case. Every pensieve memory had been watched at least twice over. Nothing came up, nothing he didn’t already know or suspect.</p><p>The same was with the small amount of evidence. A ring that was found in her front yard, and a wand.</p><p>He had spent 5 entire days looking into the life of a person through other people’s eyes. There was no journal of hers, no written notes or secret love letters, no engraving on the ring or a lover to recite her woes. </p><p>One time he asked a coworker beside him in the coffee room how long she’d been working on her case. Harry grimaced and wanted to cry when she said, “About two months.”</p><p>He wanted to vomit when she added on, “I just found something new 4 days ago. It’s slow, but if I’m right…” She trailed off into a sip of her coffee before she disappeared.</p><p>Now it was the 6th day. Her case file still in his hands, and stress emanating off of him so strongly that no one even dared to look his way.</p><p>Well, expect for his boss. </p><p>“Harry, are you okay?” Lavender asked, transfiguring one of his dry inkwells into a seat. </p><p>Harry sighed and put the folder down, half slamming it onto the desk. He hates it here, with this desk, in this space, working on a case that did. Not. Move. </p><p>“No.” </p><p>It might have been harsher than he intended, but he made no move to apologise. He well and truly did not enjoy it here at all. ‘New perspective,’ Kingsley said. How on earth was he gonna find that if everything had already been fucking perspectived. He hated it here.</p><p>“It’s almost time for our lunch break,” Lavender told him. She got up and transfigured the seat back into an inkwell. “Come on, let’s go.” </p><p>Harry begrudgingly complied. He moved with the energy of a snail, the livelihood of a cucumber. Lavender had to drag him by the hand towards the elevator.</p><p>The ding of the elevator didn’t register at all in his brain. Much too soon they had arrived at the cafeteria. It was definitely peak hour. Everyone and their grandparents must’ve been there with how packed it was. </p><p>Harry’s head turned when an uproar of cheers took the attention of the majority of the people. His heart ached when he saw Ron there, laughing around with the rest of the auror friend’s they’ve both made along the way.</p><p>He whipped his head back, determined to solve this damn case so he could be back there with them. Then it crumbled down into rubble as he remembered just how frustrating the case was.</p><p>“Let’s get our food. What do you want?” Lavender asked, taking him out of his thoughts.</p><p>“Oh, uh,” Harry looked at the food, then faced the person serving food. “I’ll just get a ham, cheese, tomato and lettuce sandwich, and a mac and cheese.” </p><p>“Is that eat here or takeaway?” </p><p>Wow. Talk about monotone.</p><p>“Takeaway, please,” Lavender answered for him.</p><p>He gave her a questioning glance but continued on. He waited for her to get her food too, which was also takeaway.</p><p>“I’m gonna head off now, Harry.” Lavender told him as they walked towards the elevator.</p><p>“What? Where are you going?” </p><p>“I’m going to visit Parvarti. She’s probably waiting for me so…” </p><p>“But what about your case? And lunch break isn’t that long?” Harry was baffled.</p><p>Lavender just looked at him sternly, and with a voice worthy of a mother’s lecture, she said, “Harry. It’s our <em> break. </em>You can’t look at a case for too long or it becomes mush. Anyway, I do have a life outside of work, don’t you?”</p><p>Harry almost shook his head. No, of course he didn’t. Work was all he knew these days. It was just that case. But if that was so, why couldn’t he tell her that?</p><p>“I…” He trailed off.</p><p>“Go and see Draco, Harry. Go and have a break.” Lavender smiled before she stepped onto the elevator.</p><p>Harry watched as it moved down, food containers in his hand, a whirlwind of thoughts in his head.</p><p>Would it really be okay to visit Malfoy right now? He was at work, and since the last time he visited, it was really busy. Could the shop handle another visit from him? </p><p>Hesitation and doubt crept into his mind as he took the next elevator down to the apparition point. He almost stopped and walked right back up to his desk multiple times before he was already at the point, security looking at him like he was on drugs.</p><p><em> Now or never, </em> he thought as he spun around, feeling the spiralling lurch of apparition.</p><p>He arrived a few shops down from Malfoy’s apothecary. Keeping his head down, and making himself as small as possible, he speedwalked to the front door. </p><p>The familiar bell rang as he closed it behind him. There were a fair amount of customers, but thankfully none of them looked over at him. He walked around for a bit, looking at the vast array of prepared potions and ingredients.</p><p>The apothecary looked just as it did before with the addition of new customers coming in. Harry was amazed. Malfoy had such a cool and collected nature around himself. Despite the flood of customers, he never showed his stress.</p><p>He worked quickly and efficiently, and never failed to wish them a good day, even if they were rude or disrespectful. Even with the new influx of customers, Malfoy seemed to work just as he did the first time Harry visited.</p><p>Perhaps that terrible prophet article wasn’t so terrible after all. Despite the horrible context, the shop seemed to become a lot more lively.</p><p>Harry was ready to leave, knowing that it was a bad idea to have visited him when his store was so busy. But he looked over to Malfoy again, and found he was free.</p><p>Malfoy, damn him, must’ve felt Harry’s gaze because he looked right at him.</p><p>Harry was ready for a lecture, or a glimpse of stress hidden in his face. Anything to tell Harry that he was right, it was a bad idea after all. But none of that came.</p><p>Instead, Malfoy’s face broke out into a wide dopey grin. His face glowing and bright and was, for the first time that Harry had seen today, completely relaxed.</p><p>As Harry approached him, holding out the takeaway food, he realised that this break was the first to truly feel like one.</p><p>And so it became routine. </p><p>Every lunch break, Harry would spend it with Malfoy. Even if the customers only continued growing, even if Malfoy told him to take him and his paparazzi elsewhere, even if more ridiculous headlines popped up. He knew he’d be there again.</p><p>It was refreshing. The Malfoy in charge of the apothecary was different from the Malfoy at home. This one was more of how he was in school. The flattery, the coolness, even to the point he would deal with rude customers with a subtle harshness and authority. </p><p>Throughout those days, he had made no progress on the Lia Adwin case. He even began to look into the other case files on his desk, but none interested him as much as Adwin’s file. Sometimes it felt like he was just reading the same things over and over again from every angle but the right one.</p><p>He held out a small tinge of hope that he’d find something new. Especially with his idea of reaching out to the connections themselves. His auror observations skills would be incredibly useful, even if it wasn’t an interrogation. He’d find something. Hopefully.</p><p>Harry stepped into the apothecary, the bell ringing just as it always did. “Malfoy, I got you-” </p><p>When he looked up to the counter, Malfoy was there, smiling apologetically at him. Harry didn’t realise why until his eyes glanced over at the people beside him.</p><p>Oh, Merlin. The familiar surge of heat, acid filled envy and bile of jealousy fizzled in his chest. He’d forgotten just how much he’d lost from that accident. If he remembered something, <em> anything at all </em>, then maybe he wouldn’t have the first instinct to run.</p><p>Maybe he would’ve greeted them like the good friends they used to be.</p><p>“Hello, Potter.” Pansy Parkinson waved confidently. </p><p>“Hey.” Blaise Zabini nodded.</p><p><em> Fuck </em>. </p><p>“Uh, hi.” Harry slowly approached them.</p><p>He put the takeaway containers on the countertop, and pushed one to Malfoy. Over time, Harry noticed that Malfoy enjoyed the mac and cheese a lot more than other selections from the cafeteria, so he got him that today too.</p><p>“So, Harry. How have you been lately?” Parkinson asked, her eyebrow raised at the mac and cheese for Malfoy.</p><p>“Alright, I guess.” Harry grabbed his lunch from the bag. “Oh, um… I didn’t know you two would be here too, otherwise I would’ve gotten more.” </p><p>“Would you really?” Parkinson pressed.</p><p>Harry wasn’t sure if he would have, to be honest. But one thing he was sure of was that their guard was up. Both of them were extremely cautious, just like in Hogwarts. Zabini and his watchful eye, and Parkinson with her defensive questions.</p><p>“Oh, Draco dear. I’m looking for wolfsbane?” An elderly woman wobbled into the shop.</p><p>“Of course.” Malfoy, swift and elegant, moved away from the tense situation without having said a single word to either of the three. If Harry could strangle him, he would. </p><p>The three of them just stood there, a counter between them. The mix of emotions were simmering low in his chest, and he thought of what he could do besides run.</p><p>Harry looked at Parkin and Zabini with curiosity and uncertainty. “Let’s go to the back.”</p><p>In silence, they turned and walked to the back. He quickly put their food in the space under the counter for Malfoy to have when he’s free. Harry looked back once to find Malfoy, but found him only being swarmed by more customers. </p><p>Harry’ll have to deal with this himself. It would be okay. After all, it’s been a while since he’s pretended.</p><p>This time it would be important. This time he didn’t have to remember that he’s at a desk job he hated, or that he’d forgotten some of the best times of his life. He didn’t need to be the Harry he was now, he could be the Harry of back then who had friends like these two with no worries.</p><p>He could feel it again, that taste of what had been ripped away from him. </p><p>“Pansy, Blaise, is everything okay?” Harry asked kindly.</p><p>“Yep, why wouldn’t it be?” Parkinson countered.</p><p>Harry ignored her tone. “I just meant why you came to the apothecary today, if something bad happened or…” Harry trailed.</p><p>Zabini sighed. “No, we just came to check on things. On Draco.” </p><p>The last time he saw Blaise was at the Burrow. That felt like years ago, but it couldn’t have been more than 3 months ago. This Blaise was different though… As if Parkinson’s personality molded his to something slightly different.</p><p>“Oh, I see.” Harry replied.</p><p>Parkinson gritted her teeth, her claw clenching. “What do you see, exactly?” </p><p>This was going to be harder than he thought. How had he befriended them before? Were they this guarded when he met them? </p><p>“That you’re both good friends to Draco.” Harry dropped the name to see their reaction.</p><p>It was subtle and if Harry didn’t know to look for it, he wouldn’t have seen it. But he saw them both, their walls slowly crumbling.</p><p>“Of course. Especially with this new situation and all,” Parkinson added after pulling herself together quickly. </p><p>“So, Pansy… you know about…?” He tapped his temple.</p><p>Parkinson and Zabini nodded, their eyes narrowing in the slightest. </p><p>“Yes.” Parkinson opened her arms like she was in surrender. “So will you attack me today or no?”</p><p>Harry staggered back a little and put his hands up. “Woah. No. Why would I do that?”</p><p>“Because we are not friends anymore, Potter. What’s the last thing you remember of me, hm? Of us?” Parkinson hissed.</p><p>A chance! Harry grabbed it before it could get away. Somewhere deep inside, he knew Parkinson was scared and worried, waiting for some sort of sign that Harry would turn them away like he did in Hogwarts.</p><p>“It was… At Ginny and Luna’s wedding, you were dancing with Blaise. The both of you were elegant, just as you’d expect by learning from a young age.” Harry commented.</p><p>It was a shot in the dark, sure, but at least he saw the room before the lights turned off. That wedding had to have a lot of dancing, and Harry knew the two were there because Blaise said that comment during the Burrow. Another point was that he guessed that they learnt to dance, just as Malfoy had. </p><p>Parkinson relaxed a bit while Zabini didn’t move at all. </p><p>“So your memories are coming back, then?” Parkinson’s voice was quiet and careful.</p><p>Harry hesitated, but nodded. “Just... Don’t tell Draco yet. They’re only small glimpses, and nothing else has really come back.” </p><p>For some reason, the idea of Malfoy knowing, or hoping, that Harry’s memories were coming back made him feel like he was going to dry heave. The same went for Hermione and Ron too. </p><p>If they somehow knew what he was doing, the lies he was spouting, the false hope he planted in his friends, it would hit them harder than it did for Harry.</p><p>“Okay.” Parkinson and Zabini said together.</p><p>Harry looked at them and smiled, genuinely smiled. The slow simmer in his chest was controlled, and he knew he had them. That it was successful and that it had worked.</p><p>“There’s a small cafe just across the street, want to get some food there?” Harry offered.</p><p>Parkinson and Zabini looked at each other, a silent conversation between them. Harry looked out the doorway and into the shop. Malfoy was there, dealing with customers professionally. </p><p>Malfoy looked at Harry, and smiled at him. He even gave a small wave just before another customer dragged him to the cauldrons. Harry didn’t know he was smiling until his cheeks hurt.</p><p>He decided to think about that later.</p><p>“Let’s go, chosen boy.” Parkinson said as she squeezed through the doorway that Harry was half-blocking.</p><p>“Oh, awesome.” </p><p>“You’re paying.” Zabini told him as he walked through.</p><p>Harry sighed internally but chuckled. “Of course.” </p><p>Malfoy had time to spare a glance, but couldn’t wave them off before a scream and a crash echoed through the shop. Harry inwardly cringed and tip toed out the door to where Parkinson and Zabini were waiting patiently.</p><p>The trio walked in, an aura of confidence and importance seemed to grow with their every step. It made Harry feel powerful, but also hide because it would only attract people.</p><p>“What do you guys want?” Harry asked the two.</p><p>“I’ll have the most expensive slice of cake you have, and he’ll have three of your top choice cookies.” Parkinson told the girl at the register.</p><p>“Okay, that comes up to 5 galleons and 4 sickles.” </p><p>Ah, the price of friendship with Parkinson and Zabini. </p><p>Harry grabbed his wallet and paid while his friends got their food. They decided not to walk back to Malfoy’s shop yet when they saw two more overly energetic kids enter. </p><p>“Can you guys tell me something? Maybe it’ll help me with more memories.” Harry asked as they ate their food.</p><p>“What do you want to know?” Parkinson asked, this time out of curiosity, not caution. </p><p>“We can start with what you two are doing now?”</p><p>They both nodded, and the conversation began. </p><p>Harry discovered that Blaise Zabini worked in modelling and photography. He had started out as a model for wizarding fashion lines until he branched out into muggle territory. No matter what he did or how he posed, people ate it up like they hadn’t eaten in days. </p><p>Blaise talked about how it was rewarding at first. It helped him build up his confidence, and put him back on his feet after graduation. But after the first few years, he couldn’t accept how the photos didn’t matter to anyone. How it only gained traction because he was beautiful, which was definitely true. </p><p>So he bought a camera, a muggle one. Extremely expensive Harry guessed with the amount of details Blaise gave about it. He began to dabble in photography. He took opportunities to take photos of his co-workers who modelled with him.</p><p>Ever since then, he has been working in both modelling and photography. Blaise was happy with where he was, with how he got there. </p><p>Pansy Parkinson was there with him along the way, though she branched off into the muggle world a lot sooner than Blaise had. In fact, it was her that encouraged Blaise to try it out. </p><p>Her job was fashion designer. Her eye for the next trend, for things that could be altered slightly into a completely new thing, was impeccable. Harry discovered that once Pansy started talking about her job, the conversation would last significantly longer.</p><p>She spoke of how drabby and old wizarding fashion was. How there was such a strong sense of how a wizard should dress, and that anything out of that image would cause strange looks. Pansy noted that she had enough strange looks in 8th year to last a lifetime.</p><p>So she went to the muggle world, and found how different it was. How better. How accepting. Harry marvelled at this part, how her views had changed so quickly in the right direction with a little help.</p><p>She worked hard getting to where she was now. If she knew what she knew back then, she would be already at the top. Her new lines seemed to hold power over the majority of the muggle society. How she started trend and fashion statements.</p><p>Most of all, she didn’t have a theme. Every line was a mix of aesthetics. There was no general word to put on them all. It was for everyone.</p><p>Harry knew they were both extremely passionate about their jobs, their careers, and they held an insurmountable pride for it. No wonder the aura of confidence grew around them. </p><p>That twinge of jealousy came back again. Made itself known. </p><p><em> You used to have that, </em> his mind told him. <em> Look at us now. </em></p><p>“Is that why you both had trouble coming to the party at the Burrow?” Harry asked them.</p><p>“Yeah. Sorry about that.” Pansy said.</p><p>“You didn’t miss much, Pans. We did make fun of Ron with Celestina.” Blaise told her, a distant smile. As if the memory of that night was too good to be true,</p><p>“I can’t believe I missed that!”</p><p>The trio laughed together. </p><p>Harry cast a <em> tempus </em>, and realised he had to go back to work in about 20 minutes. Pansy and Blaise nodded in understanding, saying they did had to leave right now if they didn’t want to get chewed out by their boss.</p><p>“See you again soon,” Harry waved. “I’ll bring you guys food next time!” </p><p>Pansy and Blaise waved before disapparating on the spot. </p><p>Harry walked back into the shop to talk to Malfoy before going back to that damn desk. The shop was quieter now, less crowded, and no broken things in sight.</p><p>“Hey, Harry. How’d lunch go?” Malfoy asked, showing up beside him.</p><p>“It was great actually. Did you eat yet?” </p><p>Malfoy shook his head as they walked up to the counter and sat behind it. Harry got their food out and gave Malfoy his mac and cheese. </p><p>“Oh, I don’t remember putting a stasis charm on it?” </p><p>“I did, when you all went to the back.” Malfoy shrugged.</p><p>They ate peacefully, spending the 20 minutes in relaxing silence. Life always had its moment though, as a swarm of customers rushed into the shop again and Harry had to get back to work.</p><p>They waved each other goodbye, even though they’d see each other again in a few hours. Then both took a deep breath in, readying themselves for work.</p><p>The following days were around the same. Terribly stagnant, no change except for the conversations held on the days. There was no change in the case, nor the visits to Malfoy, and his friends.</p><p>Despite seeing Malfoy everyday, Harry noticed how little they actually talked. With his new job, and with how busy the apothecary was, they didn’t hold much conversation during Harry’s lunch break, and by the time dinner was over, they were too tired to do anything else.</p><p>Neither of them seemed to mind though. </p><p>So Harry continued his normal everyday. No true memories coming back, no ‘new perspectives’ unlocked. Nothing. Just absolutely nothing.</p><p>Even the pretending with Pansy and Blaise had become almost numbing. There was no more satisfaction, and if there was, it was fleeting. It felt like it was too easy. </p><p>They spoke one day about the birthday party where Malfoy got burnt, and Harry slipped up. He got a fact wrong, and they looked at him oddly, but Harry quickly recovered. </p><p>Ever since then, it’s been much of the same. Nothing new. Nothing to add. Nothing to take away.</p><p>The same.</p><p>Same same same same same. </p><p>It was driving Harry insane. </p><p>Harry’s quill was scribbling all over his notes. Letters upon letters of the people he reached out to for a chat about Lia had to be postponed or cancelled because they were all out of the country. </p><p>He’d watched the pensieve memories so many times he could reenact them as if it were a one man show. </p><p>He’d held her ring so many times that the people in charge had to take him away because his magic was too strong.</p><p>Harry just kept on writing. It might have been nonsense, or a beautifully written poem. He didn’t get to find out either way because his inkwell exploded.</p><p>“Damn it!” Harry exclaimed loudly. </p><p>The ink began to pool all over his desk. It covered the paper he was writing on, and part of his shirt. A few drops fell over the side and onto the floor.</p><p>It’s been a while since Harry had felt anything of his uncontrollable magic. In fact, he didn’t think he’s had this for years. He knew that the Harry from before didn’t have this at all.</p><p>God, how many more differences could he find about him and the one that was lost from that auror raid?</p><p>“Harry?” A hand landed on his shoulder. </p><p>Harry twisted his head to face the person behind him. Lavender looked at him with a mixture of concern and pity. He hated it.</p><p>“Sorry, I don’t know what happened…” Harry tried.</p><p>He took out his wand and tried a few cleaning charms. The ink was stubborn and unrelenting, but he managed to clean it decently.</p><p>But Lavender’s hand was still on his shoulder. It felt like it was burning through his clothes and onto his skin. He hated it.</p><p>“I think you should go home for the day, Harry. You’ve been at this case for weeks. You need a proper break.” </p><p>Harry sighed and rubbed his eyes underneath his glasses. Lavender was right, he needed a break from all of this. He didn’t get any of it, why he was here, what he was meant to figure out. It was eating away at his soul.</p><p>“Yeah,” Harry said while vigorously nodding. “Okay, yeah. I need a break.” </p><p>He stood up, grabbed his stuff and walked out that door. Looking back once, and only once, he saw Lavender cast the last needed cleaning charms on his desk. He made note to thank her for that tomorrow.</p><p>Harry took the stairs all the way down. His mind was racing with mindless thoughts, as if everything he’d been pushing down was begging for release. A headache started to form, like he was miles underwater. </p><p>There was so much energy coursing through his veins. His magic was all stir crazy now. He could feel it in the way his fingers twitched around for his wand, or the way his lips would mouth spells.</p><p>He really needed a break from that desk, from that case, from his work. He was neck deep in 3 cases, 2 murders and the one and only Lia Adwin missing file. None of which had any new details in the past few years. </p><p>Harry’s feet took over as he was trapped in the chaos of his mind. He didn’t notice as he spun on the spot, or note the familiar pull of apparition in his gut.</p><p>Truthfully, it truly a miracle that he didn’t splinch himself. He tripped over himself as the street lined with stores came into view. </p><p>He was a few stores down from Malfoy’s apothecary. Somehow, he’d been able to travel here without hurting himself or anyone else since his outburst. He counted himself lucky.</p><p>He walked slowly towards Malfoy’s store. It wasn’t time yet for him to be there, and he knew he’d be a bit early. But he thought of this place for a reason, so surely it would be okay, right?</p><p>Despite the shop being within arms reach, he stopped. Slowly, he walked into the shadows beside the store and just sat there, hidden from the crowds walking along the street. </p><p>Harry was a mess. This Harry right now was a pure mess. </p><p>He grabbed at the thoughts whizzing around his mind, trying to focus on one thing. Every single thought he caught was how much better the life of unknown Harry was. How he had everything.</p><p>Now cut to Harry, near to tears, huddling and hiding in the shadows of his boyfriend’s store. Pathetic.</p><p>Harry pulled at his hair, then repeatedly took off and on his glasses. Like somehow the movement would do something different. Like maybe if he tried hard enough, he’d remember something. Something new. Something of unknown Harry.</p><p>But nothing came.</p><p>Just like always.</p><p>His memories stayed hidden, locked away with no knowledge of a key or an <em> alohomora </em> strong enough. It was driving him crazy.</p><p>Ah, there it was. It’s been a while since he’s felt this strong desperate need to pretend, to somehow envelop himself with the person he used to be.</p><p>Pansy and Blaise would be inside anytime soon, and free to talk to while Malfoy handled his customers. It was a perfect time. He’d finally be able to relish the success of his pretending. </p><p>So Harry wanted a while, hidden. It wasn’t until it was his usual lunch break that he walked into the store, the familiar bell ringing. </p><p>Malfoy looked at him and smiled. Then raised an eyebrow in confusion. “Food?” Malfoy mouthed.</p><p>Harry’s cheeks turned red. Oh, crap. He’d forgotten the food from the cafeteria. Harry held on a finger, and ran over to the cafe across the street. </p><p>He bought whatever he could, wanting to buy some for Pansy and Blaise too while they talked in the backroom. He decided to cringe over the price later. After all, he needed this right now. It was well deserved, if he says so himself.</p><p>When he walked into the store again, Pansy and Blaise were there behind the counter while Malfoy was talking to another customer about the prices of calming draught compared to sleeping draught. </p><p>He nodded at Malfoy who nodded back, then followed Pansy and Blaise into the backroom. </p><p>Each got their fair share of cakes and cookies. They sat down and relaxed into the seats Malfoy had transfigured for them a few days ago. The seats were super comfortable and had a faint feel of his magic if he focused hard enough on it.</p><p>“Rough day at work?” Blaise asked, reaching over for a slice of treacle cake.</p><p>“Not really, just the same.” Harry replied, finishing off a cookie.</p><p>Blaise pointed to Harry’s shirt. “Work accident or something? It’s all over your shirt.” </p><p>Harry looked down at his shirt, and saw the deep dried stains of the inkwell he exploded earlier. He cursed internally, but left it. He’d spell it clean later. Harry didn’t notice the shared glance between Pansy and Blaise.</p><p>“Yeah, something like that,” Harry told them, and quickly pushed the conversation away from that topic. “How’s work been for you?” </p><p>Pansy and Blaise shrugged in unison. “The same,” Pansy muttered. “I had a wave of inspiration yesterday, but my friends told me it didn’t seem right.” </p><p>“Oh, what? That’s a shame…” Harry sympathised with that. “But did they tell you how to work on it?”</p><p>Pansy nodded then put down her food. Blaise was silent, watching. “They told me it didn’t have my signature flair. Said it was more like…” Pansy looked right into Harry’s eyes. There was no malice, or hatred, or accusation, she just looked. “A lie.” </p><p>Harry gulped, trying not to choke in his cookie. “Your friends said that? Maybe you should get new ones.” </p><p>Blaise finally spoke up. “Wouldn’t you prefer friends telling you the sad truth, rather than lying?” </p><p>Pansy kept her gaze on Harry. Food forgotten. </p><p>“For me, it would depend on the lie,” Harry answered. </p><p>He didn’t like where this conversation was going. He needed to veer it back into a built up memory, so they could laugh about things Harry didn’t remember, talk about experiences, and joke about a life that’s been taken from him. </p><p>“Hm.” Pansy’s eyes narrowed.</p><p>It was like her look was a hand around his neck, squeezing and strangling until his one thought was survival. But he didn’t want to give in. They haven’t accused him of anything yet, they don’t know. </p><p>He’s been successful these past few days, they didn’t know yet. They couldn’t have.</p><p>“Anyway, I’ve been thinking,” Harry started. “I should take Teddy back to the park near my house, maybe he’ll see his friends there again. I think he’d appreciate it, it’s been a while since we all went there.” </p><p>His lie rolled off his tongue like he practiced it for months beforehand. Truthfully, he didn’t even know that park was of any importance until they brought it up 4 days ago. </p><p>Harry smiled, knowing how good of an idea it was. But Pansy and Blaise weren’t smiling at all. In fact, his suggestion seemed to have the exact opposite reaction than what he aimed for.</p><p>In one swift motion, Blaise got up, and closed the backroom door. He waved his hand and muttered a spell, and the familiar low thrum of magic covered the room. </p><p>Harry looked between them, mind racing as to why they just put a <em> muffliato </em> over the room. He thought that maybe he should run before he finds out what’s going on. But when his eyes landed on Pansy again, he was frozen with the ice she held in her gaze.</p><p>“Do you think we’re stupid, Potter?” Pansy asked, voice quiet but sharp. </p><p>“What?” Harry swallowed. “No, what are you talking about?” </p><p>Harry looked over at Blaise still standing in front of the door. He looked like a security guard, ready to deny access to anyone wanting to enter, or in this case, anyone wanting to leave.</p><p>“For days, we’ve been talking to you, making sure our theory was right,” Pansy told him with a voice like a scalpel. “We waited, and watched, and listened.” </p><p>“Pansy, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Harry tried again.</p><p>In fact, he did. He really did, but today was not the day to deal with it. His morning was already so ruined, exploded into shrapnel that had already pierced his mind and heart. He didn’t need this conversation now. Not today.</p><p>“Harry!” Pansy roared. Harry’s head snapped back to Pansy. Her composure was neat and calm, like that shout couldn’t have possibly come from her. “What you’re doing,” Her voice was like a whisper. “It’s stupid, and insulting.” </p><p>He wanted to keep fighting, to leave and fight this battle another day. But he was stuck in the snake pit. The vipers slowly wrap around his body, strangling him slowly but surely.</p><p>“How long have you known?” He asked, throat constricting. </p><p>“Since the first day,” She said.</p><p>And just like that, Harry’s body collapses. All the tension, all the tight muscles, the stress and strain, just left. His body slumped into the chair, and he hung his head in shame.</p><p>He really thought he had it. Truly, wholeheartedly. But no. That life wasn’t his, and these two knew it. He wants to explain it to them, to tell them why he started this plan in the first place. How rewarding it was, how frustrating his life is with no memories of the life he wanted since he was a child.</p><p>“Did you really think you could get away with that shit, Potter?” Pansy hissed. </p><p>Pansy’s anger came in waves. She pushed and pulled the conversation, one moment she seemed to hold composure, the next it was crashing. </p><p>“No.” Harry answered.</p><p>“Bullshit. You really thought you could, that’s why you kept it up for so long. Tell me, who else have you done this too?” </p><p>“I-” </p><p>“Actually, don’t tell me. It’ll just make me more angry at you.” Her voice started to decrease in volume and power. Harry took a breather while bracing himself for the next wave. “None of your memories have actually come back, have they?”</p><p>Harry shook his head. As if he needed more reminders of the failure he was ever since he woke up. </p><p>“Did you think we’d hate you so much that we’d stop being friends with you?” Pansy whispered.</p><p>Even Harry saw Blaise stand a little straighter in his peripheral at that question. “That person you befriended isn’t me anymore.” Harry stated.</p><p>“You decided that the past 5 years didn’t matter to us?!” Pansy was sheer fury. “New flash, <em> golden boy </em>. We still remember the past 5 years even if you don’t.” She scoffed. “We know it’s not you anymore but did you really think we wouldn’t try again?” </p><p>Harry hung his head lower, willing himself to sink into the chair. He couldn’t even look at Pansy anymore as she struck each blow with her words. </p><p>“We’re not going to fucking leave you, <em> oh chosen one. </em> You don’t lie to us, ever. I mean it. The moment you do something like this EVER again to us, you’re going to regret it.” </p><p>Harry thought of all the spells used against a person. All the protective charms and shields he could create. He almost told her that he could handle it, until his mind told him otherwise. Pansy and Blaise, they don’t work like that.</p><p>Their methods of fighting weren’t the headfirst Gryffindor methods he’d been used to with Ron, Neville and everyone else. These two kept up the pretense that he was succeeding in his performance, and Harry didn’t even know they had known for so long. </p><p>No, they would make Harry truly regret it. They’d find a way, and Harry knew this threat was up with the very few threats that ever meant anything to him.</p><p>But he held onto her wording. “To us,’ She said. Not to anyone else.</p><p>“Okay.” He finally muttered out.</p><p>“Don’t do that, Harry. Don’t lie. You don’t need to, and you don’t have to.” Pansy finished, the final wave reeling back into the ocean.</p><p>Blaise took down the muffliato, and Harry took deep breaths. Blaise walked over, and took a cookie. </p><p>“Harry. You didn’t pretend while you were at the Burrow, what happened between then and now?” Blaise asked. </p><p>Harry shrugged and suppressed the bitter laugh that wanted to escape. <em> What didn’t happen? </em> “Did you tell Draco about this?” Harry asked, afraid of what the answer would be.</p><p>Blaise shook his head. “No, he’s been too stressed with the shop lately. We didn’t want to say anything yet.” </p><p>Harry’s stomach lurched. <em> Yet? </em></p><p>“We probably won’t tell him, as long as you’ve learnt your lesson. Remember, Harry. You will regret it.” Pansy reiterated. </p><p>Harry nodded vigorously. They continued to eat lunch in peace, saving a lot of the food for Malfoy. Turns out, the trio didn’t really have much of an appetite after that confrontation. </p><p>“I should be heading off now,” Harry got up. “Have a good rest of the day.” </p><p>He smiled and waved at them as he walked out the door. He passed by Malfoy and waved at him too. Malfoy’s smile was bright as he waved him off.</p><p>But even with the conversation from Pansy, he knew he wouldn’t stop. Every person that told him to stop brought him farther away from the edge, but his desperation and jealousy always dragged him towards it.</p><p>Harry knew he’d stop one day. Maybe it would be when the first memory comes, or maybe when the last one does. Either way, this was all he had. Amongst the joke of a job, forgotten friendship, and excessive envy, at least he had this.</p><p>Once he was out of the shop, he spun on his heel and thought of the apparition point near home. He needed to sleep for the rest of the day. Today was too much and it wasn’t even past 2pm.</p><p> </p><p>*****</p><p>He stopped visiting Malfoy during lunch breaks. </p><p>In fact, he stopped doing anything but work. He received letters from the connections of Lia Adwin, and had secure plans for a chat. That was one of the few things that seemed to be moving.</p><p>Harry and Malfoy were still swamped and tired from work. Malfoy began leaving before Harry even woke up to ensure all the potions brewing in the side of his shop were of the best quality. Harry didn’t mind, head filled the thoughts of his own job.</p><p>Dinner was about the same as it always had been though. Malfoy still didn’t let Harry help with cooking, but they would go out and shop for ingredients together if they had extra energy to spare. Even if the conversation was shallow, they still made time to talk.</p><p>If Malfoy thought something was odd about Harry not having visited him at the store, he didn’t let on. Harry knew it wasn’t fair, but fear crept into his mind when he thought about Pansy and Blaise catching his thoughts. </p><p>Despite his head being filled with work, he often had a spare moment to think of his next performance as other Harry. To be honest, the majority of his body opposed the idea with full force, whilst the other bit told him that he had thought of it for a while.</p><p>Harry didn’t remember thinking about it at all actually. Things were still way too new, and he was still getting used to this Malfoy as his friend as opposed to the Malfoy from Hogwarts that was his rival. </p><p>The day Harry woke up on Malfoy’s day off, was the day he decided to pretend. Even just a little.</p><p>Malfoy’s days off were not on a preplanned day, instead it was chosen in line with his levels of stress. “I can’t afford a day off in the week,” He told Harry one day. “So I’ll choose the day myself, for when I really need it.” </p><p>Harry got ready for work. A new clean button up shirt, and his Ministry working robes. His auror robes were still folded cleanly in his drawers. He often tried not to look at it, but today it grabbed his attention.</p><p>He must’ve stared at it for too long, willing any memory to come back to his brain so that he could go back to the aurors instead of his crappy desk job. By the time he thought about going downstairs, he was running late. </p><p>Running down the stairs, skipping the last few steps, helped with the adrenaline buzzing through his veins. He was going to do it, just quickly, no thoughts or presence needed, and then he’d be on his way in the floo.</p><p>“Morning, Malfoy,” He called out as he ran into the kitchen busily. </p><p>“Morning,” Malfoy called sleepily, cooking himself breakfast.</p><p>“I can’t eat with you today, I’m late!” Harry called, grabbing an apple from the fruit bowl they started recently.</p><p>“Okay,” Malfoy replied through a yawn.</p><p>With that, Harry quickly planted a kiss on Malfoy’s cheek.</p><p>It couldn’t have lasted longer than half a second, and it didn’t take Harry any longer to have his foot through the floo. </p><p>He almost made it too.</p><p>He was so close.</p><p>“Uh, Harry, what the <em> fuck </em> was that?”</p><p>Malfoy was gripping Harry’s arm tightly, not letting him go and run away. Harry's heart was beating out of his chest. Maybe the kiss was too much, after all. But surely unknown Harry used to do that? That’s something he always imagined himself doing to his beloved ever since he was young, so why?</p><p>“Um…” Harry tried, but all words failed him when he looked back at Malfoy.</p><p>Malfoy looked… confused, hopeful, unsure and scared all at the same time. They stared at each other for what felt like years. All of Harry’s thoughts about work seeped out of his mind. All he thought of now was what he was doing, and what he had done.</p><p>Then Malfoy deflated, and a look of sadness washed over every other emotion he could’ve possibly had. Harry didn’t even see betrayal or disappointment, just pure and utter sadness.</p><p>“Why did you do that?” Malfoy asked, letting go of Harry’s arm.</p><p>“Because… I wanted… to?” Technically, it wasn’t a lie, but it sure sounded like one.</p><p>Some part of him did want to do it. A small, teeny tiny little bit. He didn’t know it existed until he thought about this plan. But his mind did want to refuse. </p><p>“No, you didn’t.” Malfoy pushed on. “Merlin, Pansy told me something was going on with you.”</p><p>Harry felt his blood run cold. “I- He-” </p><p>But those two words were enough for Malfoy to understand. As if he could read Harry’s thoughts without even thinking them.</p><p>“You’re not him.” Malfoy cut him off. His voice was so gentle, so caring. “What are you doing, Harry? What have you done?”</p><p>Harry couldn’t feel anything. It was as if his entire body had shut down. He couldn’t feel his heart beating, or his breathing. There was no feel of bile bubbling in his stomach, nor the jealousy that had been his motivation for so long.</p><p>“I just want that life again,” Harry whispered quietly.</p><p>It was so quiet that Harry wasn’t even sure if he heard himself. There was nothing left anymore. All his hope and desperation, all of it, felt like it left him. Had his body given up? Even when his mind was buzzing so much like this?</p><p>“Do you really need it back?” Malfoy muttered.</p><p>There was a distant crash that sounded from the kitchen. Then it was the shelves shaking. The ground began to quake.</p><p>Then Harry felt it. His body roared to life like a fire that got new fuel. Now he could feel everything. He could feel his magic course around him like a second skin. His fingertips were tingling. The vein in his neck pulsed with his racing heartbeat. His hair stood up, his eyes went in and out of focus.</p><p>Harry looked up at Malfoy. His vision finally focused and cleared. He didn’t care that Malfoy didn’t seem fazed by the accidental magic. He was too angry for that.</p><p>But he kept his voice calm, lacing it delicately with his emotions. “I do. None of my memories are coming back, Malfoy.” </p><p>Malfoy took a deep breath in. He steadied himself and stepped a little closer to Harry. “Harry, listen to me. You <em> don’t </em>need them back.” </p><p>There it was. That one word that was in every single reprimand from each person who knew of his plans. “<em> Don’t </em> do this, Harry,” “ <em> Don’t </em> do that.” That word was a hammer and nail to his skull. His spine thrummed with magic, and his brain broke.</p><p>He couldn’t fucking control it. Any of it. It was a desperate plea, a sliver of hope for him. This plan, these performances, it made him feel like he could have it back. At least he was moving. It was better like this than before where he wasted away in his office rereading words of what felt like a stranger.</p><p>“Stop it!” He shouted. </p><p>His throat felt like sandpaper, and his vision blurred with tears. Was he crying? There was too much happening to tell. Harry’s wand was outstretched, pointing at Malfoy who didn’t stop looking at him.</p><p>The fight paused in his body. Why wasn’t Malfoy fighting? Or running away? Harry blinked his tears away as his other fist kept clenching.</p><p>“Stop what?” Malfoy just stood there.</p><p>“I need my memories back, Malfoy. I can’t handle this…” Harry's grip on his wand was so strong he thought it would snap in two. “This life, it’s such a failure. The other Harry had <em> everything </em>.”</p><p>It was difficult to think clearly with everything so out of his control. He tried to focus on his emotions, label them, keep them in his mental boxes. But they were too energetic, too full of life. He knew he needed to stop and talk this out, but he couldn’t.</p><p>“I thought if I could just…” Harry struggled to form the word. Afraid that the moment he says it, everything would fall apart. “Pretend.” </p><p>Malfoy’s face was overcome by worry and confusion. “What?”</p><p>“If I could be the other Harry, if I could relive his life then maybe…” Harry was struggling so much.</p><p>His hands were shaking. In fact, his whole body was. He’d said it. Overcome by so much, too much, he’d told one of the very few people he didn’t want to. </p><p>He stood there, wand still pointed at Malfoy. The feeling of his mind falling to pieces, his thoughts all messed up and plans in ruins, he breathed it in. Then let it go.</p><p>His wand dropped from his hand, and he fell forward, landing on his hands and knees. He had to keep going. Everything he was keeping in was begging to be let out. Just how much was there? He realised with a jolt that there was so much he hadn’t told anyone, so much he’d hidden and locked away.</p><p>The floor stopped shaking, and the books stopped falling out of the shelves. But no one moved. Not Malfoy. Not Harry.</p><p>Harry buried his head into his hands after he maneuvered to sit on the floor. He couldn’t bare to look at Malfoy as he told him everything. </p><p>He spilled it all out in between sniffles and voice cracks. His throat was raw and his voice was barely a whisper. </p><p>He told Malfoy of how he pretended. How it worked on people, how it made him feel like he had everything back again. He spoke of the intense jealousy he felt for himself, his old life, how he read his hard work and all of it was gone because of one mistake.</p><p>He talked about how he needed to do something. How through this, at least he was moving. At least he was doing something productive. Forcing the memories was better than just waiting.</p><p>Harry told Malfoy about the people who knew about his performing act. From Teddy to Kingsley, Neville to Pansy and Blaise. How each one of them chewed him out, finding his plans unnecessary. </p><p>When he finished, it was silent. Malfoy hadn’t said a word, nor had he moved. Harry started picking at the carpet underneath him, leaning against the couch. He didn’t look at Malfoy at all. </p><p>“You kept all of this… Why didn’t you tell anyone? Ron and Hermione?” Malfoy asked quietly after processing all the knowledge.</p><p>“I didn’t know how to, and then it got so big I was afraid to.” Harry answered, then he gripped his hair and pulled on it in intervals. “The memories… They’re not coming back. I think,” He cleared his throat. “I think I’ve lost them. That life.” </p><p>He could feel the back of his eyes start to ache again. He thought he had no more tears left, but here they were, ready for round two.</p><p>“That life was <em> so </em> good. It was perfect, and brilliant, and everything was looking up. He was great. And now…” Harry trailed off, wiping his cheeks.</p><p>“Harry,” Malfoy says, stepping closer to Harry. The first movement from him for a long time. “It’s still you.” </p><p>Harry laughed through his tears and shook his head. “No, it isn’t. Look at me, my life’s a mess now.” </p><p>Malfoy thought for a bit, then sat next to Harry on the floor. They weren’t facing each other, and somehow, that made it easier to talk. Just like when they talked about Harry’s desk job. </p><p>“You were a mess, even before.” Malfoy told him.</p><p>“Yeah, right. He did all these amazing things at Hogwarts, was still in the aurors, and had all these great friendships.” </p><p>“You can have all those things while still being a mess, you know.” Malfoy countered. “But what I mean is, you were just as much of a mess as he was. Haven’t you noticed?”</p><p>“Noticed what?” </p><p>Malfoy started playing with his hands. Harry stilled picked at the carpet.</p><p>“Your office was a mess when you got back. Everything was thrown all over the place. Every night, without fail, I could hear you getting angry and throwing your papers around. Sometimes, you’d get so stressed that you’d have bouts of uncontrollable magic. That’s why the wards on the house are mine. We changed them a few months ago.” </p><p>Harry couldn’t believe what he was hearing. The office made sense, but did he really have uncontrollable magic back then? The him from before that was so perfect? </p><p>It would explain why Malfoy didn’t run or hide when Harry’s magic exploded just then. There was no other explanation for it. No matter how close you were, a sudden surge of magic would surprise anyone.</p><p>Malfoy pointed to the shelves behind them with his thumb. “All those books on the shelves are mine, but it wasn’t always like that. You had your own books there too. Believe me, I was surprised when I found out you actually read but you filled up a lot of space.” </p><p>Harry would’ve elbowed him for that, but he was too in shock. The image of the unknown Harry was fading away to something more real, more tangible. It looked more like him now.</p><p>“Childhood muggle stories, even some wizarding ones. Then one day, you gave them away to anyone who would take it. Aunt Andromeda took in some of them, Teddy probably doesn’t realise many of his books used to be yours. No matter how many times I asked you why you did it, you never told me.” </p><p>Harry kept silent, knowing that Malfoy wasn’t finished yet. In fact, Harry himself was trying to sort out his feelings with this new information. There was so much he didn’t know, so much that couldn’t be seen in a photo or read in a journal.</p><p>There were so many things he didn’t think about, like how many fights did he have with his friends? What else did he give up without trying? That life was becoming less perfect, and more real.</p><p>“You had days where you said you couldn’t handle magic anymore.” Malfoy seemed to struggle with this one. “Times when you rejected it. Even now, sometimes you forget you’re a wizard. See, the first day you came back, despite your entire situation being covered in magic, you forgot you could clean up that spill with a spell, that you were a wizard. It was like your body remembered that you turned it away.” </p><p>Malfoy’s voice was laced with sorrow. Harry was amazed that Malfoy could remember, or notice something like that. In a way, he could understand why it was hard for him. </p><p>Magic has surrounded Malfoy since he was a child. He’d grown up with it, laughed with it, cried with it. Harry was surprised that he would ever think of rejecting it, but then he remembered how his favourite restaurant was muggle. Then why it was, how the wizarding world had thrown everything at him, and he had to work with it. How much of his tragedy was from magic.</p><p>Maybe it wasn’t such a surprise after all. That scared him the most. That felt the most real, like somehow that just merged the old Harry and the new. </p><p>“Harry, you make it out like all you had before was everything,” Malfoy started, talking in a tone of finality. “But back then, when you were living in it, you thought you had <em> nothing. </em>” </p><p>Maybe that sob was always there in his throat, waiting to come out. Maybe it just ripped out of him with no thought. Either way, Harry sobbed into his hands. Everything came crashing down onto him. All the things he did, the things he said. </p><p><em> Oh, Merlin, </em> he thought to himself. <em> What have I done? </em></p><p>Through his chest aching cries, Malfoy stayed beside him. He didn’t hug him or touch him, but he was there. That was perfect for Harry. He didn’t think he could handle anything else right now.</p><p>Harry’s never cried this hard before. His lungs were on fire, and his heart felt beaten up. But so much had happened in that one hour, he was exhausted. There was a part of him that felt guilty for ruining Malfoy’s day off, but it was quickly washed away by his exhaustion and the mind splitting migraine forming in his head.</p><p>He fell asleep on the floor, head resting on the chair he was leaning on. </p><p>As he went in and out of sleep, he heard talking. One time he recognised the voice of Kingsley and Lavender. He made note to thank Malfoy for that, since work was long gone from his mind, and sleep took over.</p><p>Healer Tina took a quick visit too. He was awake enough to hear that there was no physical damage with Harry, once again, before leaving. But soon fell back asleep.</p><p>He swore he heard Hermione and Ron whispering with Malfoy as well, but he was too thick with sleep at that point to properly register it. </p><p>By the time Harry fully wakes up, it’s a new day, and he’s on his bed. His head hurt slightly, but the pain ebbed away. </p><p>The situation was so eerily similar to that first night he was here. That first day, he’d fallen asleep on the floor and wound up on his bed the next morning. He smacked his lips, realising just how thirsty he was.</p><p>After all, he spent an entire day sleeping.</p><p>He quickly got ready, changing into some decent clothes that hadn’t been slept in for hours on end. He ran down the stairs, and drank a tall glass of water. </p><p>Malfoy was nowhere to be found. Harry looked at the kitchen counter, and of course, there was a note.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> ‘Harry, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Hope you’re okay. I’ve gone to work. I told Kingsley and Lavender that you’ll have today off as well to rest. Don’t worry, they don’t know the details of what happened yesterday. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Don’t forget to eat.’ </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Harry breathed a sigh of relief, then smiled at the note. Malfoy was a good friend, even if their current label was ‘???’ He was very glad to have him beside him.</p><p>A rattle of a cage caught Harry’s attention. He moved over to Isolt, and put out his arm. She perched on it happily, and hooted affectionately.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, Isolt. I’ve been so busy lately,” Harry told her with a heavy heart. </p><p>He thought of ways to spend the day, something that would rid the feeling of disgust and shame churning in his gut. The words that Malfoy told him yesterday, the things he never knew about that Harry from before. </p><p>The office, the books, the magic. </p><p>Then an idea popped into his mind. Isolt looked at him questioningly, her head tilted to the side.</p><p>“Want to go shopping with me today?” He asked her.</p><p>She flew onto his shoulder and stayed there proudly. Harry was so happy to have Isolt. Together they left the house, a fierce determination written all over Harry’s face.</p><p>A few hours later they returned with bags full of new things and packages waiting patiently for him at his open window. Harry gathers it all and brings it upstairs to his office. </p><p>Harry quickly goes to open the window, and breathes in the fresh air. This office was his, purely his this time. </p><p>He quickly went to work, Isolt perched on the window, watching Harry. First, he moved the desk to his liking. He grabbed all of the journals and diaries, all of that writing that was purely personal, and promptly <em> incendio’ </em>d it all. His heart felt lighter as he watched it burn.</p><p>Then he grabbed the new journal he bought. The new quills, and inkwells, the new muggle pens too. He rearranged them on his desk the way that felt right, even if it was different from before.</p><p>He threw away all his old and broken things. He cleared out his drawers, the folders, the shelves. Case folders that must’ve been missing from the aurors, he packed, ready to return to Kingsley tomorrow when he gets to work.</p><p>The office was complete a few hours later. It wasn’t a completely new office, but this one felt right. This one felt more Harry now, than it did before. A part of him was nervous about this change, but he knew this was moving on.</p><p>He went back downstairs, and unpacked the new picture frames he bought. There weren’t many, but 5 seemed to be a good amount. They all ranged from small photo sizes to large ones. A small part of Harry wanted to frame new memories, ones that had him now in it.</p><p>A bigger part of him wanted that to be the first one he hangs up on the wall.</p><p>A wave of doubt and hesitance washed over him. He knew it would be difficult to change his mindset so suddenly, but he didn’t expect to fight himself this hard.</p><p>“Don’t give up,” Harry told himself, using the word for the better. “Healing is a long process.” </p><p>He packed up the old picture frames away. He wouldn’t throw them, not like that. These were still precious memories, and they weren’t just for him. They were for Malfoy too. </p><p>So he packed them neatly in the boxes, and kept them in the corner that Malfoy chose before. There would be a time where they discuss those photographs, but it wouldn’t be today. Harry needed to be further along this healing before he could.</p><p>Lastly, there were the books. His favourite books, and a bunch of new books he wanted to read. There was a moment where he stopped, unsure if it was worth it because maybe he had already read that book. Maybe he already disliked it.</p><p>But he bought them anyway. After all, if it was a good book, at least he could enjoy it for the first time again. </p><p>Lunch came and passed, and Harry did forget to eat. He was too busy rearranging the book shelves, making room for his book space without ruining the order that Malfoy had put his books in.</p><p>It was difficult to understand why volumes were separated from each other, why the books didn’t stay with their authors. There was no rhyme or reason that he could find yet, but Harry felt like he couldn’t take them out randomly either.</p><p>So he spent a while looking at the shelves. Thoughts and ideas of how to rearrange them came and went. There was a certain order that he couldn’t make out, but he felt like he knew it deep down. He trusted his body and its memory. Understood when a book looked right, and took it back when it didn’t. </p><p>Finally, there was space for his new books on the shelves. Malfoy’s books now reordered in a completely new way that still, somehow, felt like him.</p><p>Harry didn’t realise that the sun had gone down until the floo roared behind him while he was still putting his books in. </p><p>“I’m home!” Malfoy called out, putting his coat over the chair and setting his bag down on top of the mantle.</p><p>He looked back to look at Malfoy, who looked surprised and touched at the same time. Harry smiled and waved with the last book in his hand. Beauty and the Beast glinted softly under the lamp light.</p><p>“Welcome home,” Harry says to him.</p><p>To Draco. </p>
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